Fifty (50) Year Old Woman

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Dear Wrong Plant Members,

I became aware of my AS condition May 2010. I am a 50 year old woman who has never married. I have no children, no family and no friends.

I have not been able to find one person to talk in person with since I found about my AS. I have been holding this in for the past few months.

On the positive side , I have been very fortunate to maintain work as a civil servant for 28 years and am financially stable.

I have spent a small fortune in counseling with licensed counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists for the past 20 years for depression.

I had ulcerative colitis and had to have a major surgery on my large colon. I have a few other conditions too. Knowing I have AS, I now realize trying to be something I am not has probably contributed to all my medical problems, especially my colitis.

I have serious problems with NOISE/SOUNDS. At work I wear ear plugs and headphones and listen to music to try to drown out phone conversations around me. However, at times I cannot handle the sound and I feel STRONG RAGE.

Now that I know I have AS I feel I can relax about trying to be what society thinks I should be . . . a wife, friend, daughter, daughter-in-law, Aunt, sister, sister-in-law, bride, mother, girlfriend, a neighbor. It’s not going to happen and I give up on trying.

It feels strange to me to be able to explain my situation to other people who can understand this. I have been so ashamed my whole life of my social problems.

What I am sure about and know will happen in my life is that I need to and choose to isolate from the world around me, I work, pay taxes and will die.

I have frequently wished I could leave this life. Now that I know about my AS, I feel somewhat discouraged about the level of aloneness in my life that is unlikely to change. Now I just feel like I am “killing time” on this earth.

I used to know a man that had a lot of physical problems. When I would see him I would ask him how he was and would always reply, “I’m still alive, damn it.” That’s how I feel.

So . . . here I am . . . on the Wrong Planet . . . HELLO!

Peace
Doreen

Welcome home, Doreen.

Hello, Doreen!

I'm a 43-year-old woman and was diagnosed in 2001. It's a lot to deal with and you described one of my early feelings after diagnosis. I was upset to learn that I have something that can't be fixed with a pill or therapy. I'd been going to one therapist or another since my parents first started taking me at age five and I guess underneath it all, I was still hoping that someday it would all get figured out and I could be "normal." Learning that I have AS was a kick in the gut because I realized I had to give up on that dream because I was stuck this way forever.

I have a more positive attitude toward it now after processing it for nine years but I still have plenty of days when I feel bitter and like the life I should have had was stolen from me. Dealing with my diagnosis is still an ongoing thing for me.

On the bright side, you are fortunate that you've been able to find a work niche that works for you! Even though it can obviously get very frustrating at work, be glad that you have that. The NAS (National Autistic Society - a British organization) did a study recently and found that only 14% of people with asperger's or high-functioning autism had full-time employment. So be very proud of what you've done in finding a good job and holding on to it all these years! That's a great accomplishment! (I've never been able to keep a job so far and have spent a lot of time homeless because of it. I'm hoping that it will all turn around for me in a few years when I finish my doctorate.)

Welcome to Wrong Planet and welcome to your journey toward knowing more about who you are and why you are like you are.

Oh, yeah, digestive problems. Consider going gluten-free. I had all kind of digestive awful that all went away when I cut out gluten. A lot of us on the spectrum are very sensitive to it.

Hello Doreen, and welcome home.

I am a 59yo woman, diagnosed with AS a couple of years ago. I identify *so much* with everything you say.

Be at ease, Doreen, you have friends here.

Hello Doreen,

Welcome To



46, male, discovered the AS explanation of my life at 42.

Welcome to WP!

Nice to meet you, Doreen - and welcome to the WP community.

Hi Doreen,

welcome to WP.

I do understand that getting a diagnosis in adulthood presents its own set of problems - that's what happened to me also. Right now I am half think about my wasted life and half about being able to better understand AS. WP should provide you with much greater insight: it's worked for me

Thank you everyone for the welcome and for sharing your insights. It helps me alot.

Peace,

Doreen

Don't measure yourself by societal norms.

Chase your passions (if you don't have any as of yet...you in for a wonderful adventure exploring what you really have a feeling for...without or without other people).
If you can, make a living doing your passions (need not if you have time enough to enjoy your passions off work).
Help others in the widest possible manner. You will find joy from this.

Pick out one thing that you would love to do...something you would love to master. Just the journey alone is worth it. I don't want to sound to be trivializing depression. I really can't say I have ever been depressed in my life...not from what I read from posts like yours. I keep hearing it is has to do with the ratios of neurotransmitters in the brain. I've also heard that it is manipulatable through various means. One, of course is through chemical means. Another is through strenuous exercise. By working your way up to 45 min to 1 hr. of exercise of aerobic activity every or every other day can dramatically alter the ratios and give you a natural sense of well being.

Perhaps a combination of the right anti-depressant coupled with vigorous exercise may work well. I've seen the right medication work wonders for heavily depressed people. It is not OK to be depressed. There are things that can be done for you...don't stop exploring all the treatments available (through your own research on the web as well as through your specialists).

Well, good luck...and welcome.

Hi Doreen
Welcome. I've not been here long and only suspect that I have AS. I can relate strongly to your story.
I am 45. I have never married but I have had 2 relationships. One lasted on and off for about 6 years (I have a wonderful 20 yr old son from this relationship)
The next relationship happened 12 years later and lasted 4 1/2 years but again was very much on and off. Infact this relationship is only recently over and it still hurts at this moment in time

I hope we can be friends to the best of our ability (or disability as the case may be)

Regards Solo x

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Welcome abroad!

Mike