Tips for aspie guys to get their first date

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kwilky
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24 Jun 2010, 7:19 pm

I'd have to change too much about me to fit the criteria you've listed. Not gonna happen. I'll wait for someone who likes me for who I am now or I'll be lonely forever. Either way is fine.



n4mwd
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24 Jun 2010, 9:28 pm

kwilky wrote:
I'd have to change too much about me to fit the criteria you've listed. Not gonna happen. I'll wait for someone who likes me for who I am now or I'll be lonely forever. Either way is fine.


Few people can be physically perfect. Just do the best you can.



Ore-Sama
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26 Jun 2010, 11:08 am

I'm pretty much the exact opposite of eveything listed there.

Bad looks including a creepy face, overweight, no money, no confidence. Which makes me the 100% opposite of a good date.



n4mwd
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26 Jun 2010, 6:30 pm

Ore-Sama wrote:
I'm pretty much the exact opposite of eveything listed there.

Bad looks including a creepy face, overweight, no money, no confidence. Which makes me the 100% opposite of a good date.


You didn't say how well you do at it. I don't want to make assumptions. Anyhow, confidence is something you can work on and it doesn't cost much money.



Hector
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26 Jun 2010, 10:42 pm

This is stuff that is mostly agreeable, but I've heard it before.

Reading people - I'm better than I was when I just started considering girls as romantic prospects (about nine years ago), and I haven't seen any room for improvement in the past two years but that doesn't mean I'm very good at it now. Personally I find female interest to be a rare thing, and even when it presents itself it's always been ambiguous and short of commitment to a date or anything like that. There are two possibilities: either I'm missing many of the signs, or I'm not, in which case there just isn't much interest in me to begin with.
Confidence - Well, I try. I never know if I'm coming on too fast.
Body language - Confidants tell me I'm more expressive than I used to be; I haven't noticed this myself.
Face - I keep a bit of stubble because I gave up long ago on properly shaving myself with a razor, and the electric that I use every other day won't get it exactly right. I dunno if I'm good-looking or hideous.
Hair style - It used to be long and wavy, and messy. I had it cut short at age 19, and later a few months ago when I decided that I could never have it under control. Now it's short but I don't style it or anything; it often looks a little different depending on how I woke up in the morning.
Physique - Average build, kind of tall, no muscle.
Clothes - Not great. Nothing too jarring but a lot of worn T-shirts.
Eye contact - I have to do this consciously. That said, I don't mind intimate eye contact with girls I'm interested in, though it can throw my concentration sometimes.
Smiling - When I was a teenager a couple of girls complained that I smile at them too much and arouse their suspicions. I dunno if I've gotten better at smiling, women who would complain have grown out of it, or people my age are too polite to complain.
Tan - I've always had a pale complexion.
Money - I'm a student.
Pickiness - I would date about a third of the women I meet who are about my age. Another third are in a "maybe" category.

Some things which affect me that may or may not have to do with AS, that might speculatively have some role in my remaining single/seeing not much female interest/not being attractive:

* My chosen career path - Most of my colleagues are male and nearly all available social outlets around here, in a foreign country, are via my colleagues (most of their friends are male, too).
* Not being the most social creature in the world - I'm generally content with a couple of confidants and a small social network, and no more.
* Social rigidity - For example, I reluctantly turned back a chocolate cake someone unexpectedly bought me for my birthday because I will not eat chocolate that isn't fair trade on principle. I turned down every drink I was ever offered in college simply because I don't drink, as a matter of principle.
* Being a bad listener - I have learned from social skills meetings that for someone on the spectrum I am relatively good at making it appear like I am listening. Yet at the same time, my experience with listening tapes demonstrates that my auditory processing abilities are greatly impaired compared to the average person. I don't see any room for improvement in my active conversation skills, but rather I acknowledge I'm just not as good at coming up with appropriate small talk on the spot as someone who can quickly absorb all the words that are being said.
* Appearing arrogant - Certain confidants tell me that I may come across as stuck up and overly sure of myself to people who have just met me.
* Nervousness - I am a pretty anxious guy - I tend to score very high on "stress tests", and in a beginners' yoga class my pulse was the only one out of everyone in the session that had increased rather than decreased after lying down.



Vindi
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27 Jun 2010, 7:31 am

Ore-Sama wrote:
I'm pretty much the exact opposite of eveything listed there.

Bad looks including a creepy face, overweight, no money, no confidence. Which makes me the 100% opposite of a good date.


It's important to realize though, that you can change all but one (creepy face) of those entirely of your own accord. Nobody else enters into the equation, it is entirely within your own power.



n4mwd
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27 Jun 2010, 9:30 am

Hector wrote:
...Money - I'm a student....


You have some things you can improve, but I would advise you to take advantage of the fact that you are a student as much as possible. School is the one place where you are going to find a lot of eligible girls. Unfortunately, a lot are already committed by your age. When you get out of college, the supply of girls tends to dry up fast.



Vindi
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27 Jun 2010, 9:50 am

n4mwd wrote:
Hector wrote:
...Money - I'm a student....


You have some things you can improve, but I would advise you to take advantage of the fact that you are a student as much as possible. School is the one place where you are going to find a lot of eligible girls. Unfortunately, a lot are already committed by your age. When you get out of college, the supply of girls tends to dry up fast.


By the same token, I find a lot of girls in college are not looking for what an aspie guy tends to provide - stability, love, and being genuinely good-hearted. In my experience, girls in college generally look for someone "fun" and "exciting", which is usually the opposite of an aspie to a small or large degree. After college, girls seem to be a little bit more grounded and look for deeper positive traits, which aspies generally have in abundance.

Therefore, my theory is that as long as the aspie doesn't become a complete hermit post-college, their chances will generally improve if they possess the above mentioned traits.



Hector
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27 Jun 2010, 1:04 pm

n4mwd wrote:
Hector wrote:
...Money - I'm a student....


You have some things you can improve, but I would advise you to take advantage of the fact that you are a student as much as possible. School is the one place where you are going to find a lot of eligible girls. Unfortunately, a lot are already committed by your age. When you get out of college, the supply of girls tends to dry up fast.

Unfortunately, I'm no longer in college in the same sense. I'm a postgraduate student, and the undergraduate population around here generally speaks a different language.

I was pretty optimistic coming into college, but quite surprised at how few opportunities there seemed to be. I appeared to have more interest in me in secondary school, and that's not saying much.



Kefuie
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12 Aug 2010, 3:40 am

Your post was absolutely great! And I find it very interesting but for me if you really want to attract them you must “look” the part of a confident, sexy, and resourceful man. Be an "alpha male" image.


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GaryUranga
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14 May 2012, 10:21 pm

Do not stress over physical appearance it only gets a girls attention but they'll quickly lose interest if you're not doing the right things



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14 May 2012, 10:34 pm

GaryUranga wrote:
Do not stress over physical appearance it only gets a girls attention but they'll quickly lose interest if you're not doing the right things

so you are here to try to recruit aspie men to learn PUA techniques, right? i suppose it is a way to make money. do you get kickbacks for all the people you recruit?


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GaryUranga
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14 May 2012, 10:39 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
GaryUranga wrote:
Do not stress over physical appearance it only gets a girls attention but they'll quickly lose interest if you're not doing the right things

so you are here to try to recruit aspie men to learn PUA techniques, right? i suppose it is a way to make money. do you get kickbacks for all the people you recruit?


lol, not really. Never been a PUA myself. Even though at some point I wanted to be one.

There is some truth in there I believe but there's also a big business behind it and it makes it less credible, I believe in self-improvement but I'm not goign to force any ideals on anyone.

I used to think I had aspergers, that's why I first registered here, later I learned that I suffered from social anxiety disorder and worked on it, just came to say hi.



hyperlexian
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14 May 2012, 10:40 pm

GaryUranga wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
GaryUranga wrote:
Do not stress over physical appearance it only gets a girls attention but they'll quickly lose interest if you're not doing the right things

so you are here to try to recruit aspie men to learn PUA techniques, right? i suppose it is a way to make money. do you get kickbacks for all the people you recruit?


lol, not really. Never been a PUA myself. Even though at some point I wanted to be one.

There is some truth in there I believe but there's also a big business behind it and it makes it less credible, I believe in self-improvement but I'm not goign to force any ideals on anyone.

I used to think I had aspergers, that's why I first registered here, later I learned that I suffered from social anxiety disorder and worked on it, just came to say hi.

you maybe shouldn't have used the same username on the PUA sites if you didn't want to be associated with those programs.


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Maerlyn138
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15 May 2012, 2:27 am

hyperlexian wrote:
GaryUranga wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
GaryUranga wrote:
Do not stress over physical appearance it only gets a girls attention but they'll quickly lose interest if you're not doing the right things

so you are here to try to recruit aspie men to learn PUA techniques, right? i suppose it is a way to make money. do you get kickbacks for all the people you recruit?


lol, not really. Never been a PUA myself. Even though at some point I wanted to be one.

There is some truth in there I believe but there's also a big business behind it and it makes it less credible, I believe in self-improvement but I'm not goign to force any ideals on anyone.

I used to think I had aspergers, that's why I first registered here, later I learned that I suffered from social anxiety disorder and worked on it, just came to say hi.

you maybe shouldn't have used the same username on the PUA sites if you didn't want to be associated with those programs.


DOH! Check out HL with the cross referencing! :lmao:


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spongy
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15 May 2012, 2:56 am

hyperlexian wrote:
GaryUranga wrote:
Do not stress over physical appearance it only gets a girls attention but they'll quickly lose interest if you're not doing the right things

so you are here to try to recruit aspie men to learn PUA techniques, right? i suppose it is a way to make money. do you get kickbacks for all the people you recruit?

Its worse than that hyper.
If you have a look at Lilya´s post about how the crowd on the mystery event was or you read one of their books where they describe the audience you´ll see that most of the guys that these gurus are "teaching"(Id say fooling since PUA is mostly based on a numbers game and this guys would have probably had similar success approaching the same amount of women with their previous attitude and its basically based on a placebo effect if you ask me(I make you believe I can teach you how to do x then you´ll have the confidence to try to do it and eventually succeed)) are actually aspies/social rejects.
Its pretty sad that so many guys that seem to be inteligent are fooled by their marketing... but its how things are right now.