I question whether most NT's even have "social skills&a

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A little while ago I walked outside, in a rather pleasant mood, and tried striking an appropriately pleasant conversation with my own mother. Being the crab apple that she is, she lashed out at me over something silly very early on in the conversation, and I went "Okay, forget this, I'm going back inside."

Little instances pile up like this, where I'll be trying to practice conversation skills, and the other person has their head shoved so far up their own ass that I can't help but question whether most NT's really even have that elusive set called "social skills".

Some in fact do, and I appreciate their willingness to reciprocate interest, etc.

What is your experience in this?

Aren't social skills the thing that makes people like you? I think NT's can use those skills to get someone to like them when they want it, when aspies can't, as they don't really know how to be charming and adorable and so on. Smiling at the right time, having the right facial expression or way of expressing yourself are examples.

Besides social skills NT's do have grumpyness, meanness, patheticness, assholeness (if that word exists) too. And if you're already in their network and not going to leave that they might act more like the way they feel.

So basically, aren't social skills the art of charming or getting someone to like you or do a certain thing?


They can be complete as*holes at the same time, when they don't need you in whatever way possible, but when they DO need you, they use their social skills, for instance when flirting.

I don't believe all NT's automatically know how to make someone like them. Their chances for rapport with strangers are stronger than an Aspie's (at least initially, until an Aspie begins objectively studying social dynamics and applying themselves through practice, and then I believe an Aspie can in some ways surpass a normal NT's social power).

And on the definition of social skills: Social skills to me is the practice of efficient communication. It doesn't necessarily fall into the category of "like me".

Being NT isn't just about social skills. Its about being able to fit into the norm. I know someone i know who is as normal as you can get (and very typical of NT - everyone "likes" her she knows how to make friends and fit in with everyone and live a really normal life), yet she is completely clueless and can't pick up social cues at all.

I'm aspie and I noticed that its pretty bad. For instance I got a really unfair work bonus and was really mad about it and she knew it because i'd mentioned it, and she was going on to me all the time about "Oh I don't know what to buy with my bonus.. I'm thinking a big screen TV" and she just kept going on and on despite my angry grunts as answers to her question implying that I didn't want to hear it and the conversation is over.

I also find NTs get treated a lot better in the work place and for no valid reason.

A couple of things to consider. Firstly, NT's have bad days too. They can be grumpy, and I might even dare to say "overstimulated" or stressed and not feel like conversing. It is not that they are socially unable - it is that, at that moment, they are not up to it.

Secondly, sometimes NT's might give, what they think, are obvious signals that they are not in a mood to converse. Unfortunately, Aspies may not be aware of these non-verbal signals and pursue conversing anyway. The NT might get irritated at the Aspie because of this.

This was one thing that I noticed throughout my life. I thought that people were generally an irritable bunch and mean sometimes. Looking back, it might have been me who made the people around me irritable. Perhaps I was chatting when others really needed silence. Perhaps I was blunt when others needed comfort. Perhaps I just was not paying any attention to the social cues and ended up being highly annoying and irritating to those around me.

As I got older and got better at reading social cues - I found people actually quite agreeable.

It was unfortunate, because for a long time, I thought that responding in a irritable fashion and being mean was normal . I feel regret that I might have made people uncomfortable or hurt by my words or attitude.

I am a much kinder person now and much, much easier to get along with Thankfully, I have found that, when approached in the right way, most NTs are actually pretty decent people as well.

Note - I am not diagnosed formally with AS or ASD, but I have traits and may or may not have it.

An aspie conversation may be different from what NT's want to talk about.

I find that I always give information and then go on about something that interests me for that day.
NT's can turn a greeting into an in depth conversation about their own lives.

Today I was listening intently to two people talk, waiting for a chance to join in. They were either talking about other people they know or just really uninteresting things.

When I talk to my mum she doesn't want to hear about what I've got to say. She can't even follow it properly and always replies by saying something completely random. When she wants to talk to me I'm either busy or I just don't care.

I think there are two types of social skills. The first type is mostly politeness - like saying please and thank you, not interrupting people, not hogging the conversation, not randomly grabbing someone's nose, not describing every single detail of the boring dream you had last night. The second type is the actual ability to form relationships and connect to people. Some people have both, some have neither, and some have just one. That's why you see annoying, rude people who are somehow well-liked and accepted. And people like me who are polite and follow the basic conversational rules, but fail to make friends.

There are social skills and then there is communication.

The older I get, the more I see that good communication is an art form and most people aren't good at it.

I like most of the communication here on WP.

Trying to make plans with NT's (generalization here and I'm NT btw) via email is awful. I refuse to do it anymore.

Most NT's do not read emails thoroughly, missing essential points. Very annoying and renders the email useless.

The people on WP tend to take the time to read a post and thoughtfully respond. It might be short, in some cases, but to the point.

I'll take good communication over eye contact anyday.

Cool replies.

I can register social cues fine (no, I'm not an expert). Problem is, those social cues I look for aren't always present in the least, or the conversation doesn't last long enough to pick up on them. If I so desired, I could fool you into believing that I was a neurotypical that socialized on a constant basis (catch: not for very long).

I hate that Aspies always assume that it's them with the problem, and that an NT's own social skills are never, ever put into question. Acknowleding your shortcomings is one thing, but assuming it's those shortcomings that are to blame for failure 100% of the time, is unfortunate.

That's about all I have to say on this. Everyone take care.

I agree. Being blunt and cluelessly insensitive is supposed to be an AS trait, but I notice this trait most often in male NTs. Yet these NTs seem to make up for their shortcoming in sensitivity by being loud and talkative. Somehow talking all the time gets them friends while quiet thoughtful people like me get ignored.

From my perspective as someone between NT and aspie, I find the main social skill a lot of others (presumably NTs) have which I don't is the ability to pick up on social rules in a new situation.

Yep, loads of NTs have poor social skills. Just because an NT may have a bit of natural ability to see what's going on socially (and that varies from person to person quite a lot) it doesn't mean they've chosen to do anything positive with it. An Aspie who's made an effort may very well have far more social skills than somebody of any neurological status who's not.

Skills are things one has to work for and while how much work a person has to do to get a certain skill varies quite a bit, the fact that you have to make an effort does not.