tell wp a joke

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A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her Marine boyfriend when, to
her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. And
jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

" I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath
the sheets "It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the
least of your problems."

So the Marine scoots out of bed quicksmart, grabs his clothes and jumps
out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain,
he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's
annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others about 300
of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to
"blend in" as best he could. It wasn't that effective!

After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying
him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?"
one asked.

"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free
having the air blow over all your skin while you're running."

Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your
clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried: "Do you
always wear a condom when you run?"

"Only if it's raining."

What's black, blue and red all over?

A newspaper.

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft
any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband
offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his
body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his
buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one where
the skin came from, and requested the doctor also honour their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was
completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked
more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives
just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone
with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
There is no way I could repay you." "My darling," he replied, "think
nothing, of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother
kiss you on the cheek."

a man set a fire and he ate meat for dinner, his wife was not with him