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Asp-Z
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04 Jul 2010, 6:58 am

Anke wrote:
Only just noticed this thread. Here's my perspective on dating. Might help some of you, and deal with some pre-conceptions.

I'm female and I have a son who's been diagnosed with Aspergers recently. Dating since my divorce has been... difficult. (That pic by the way is me.) I'm quite social but my gosh it's difficult for me to get interested. You've got to have a brain and lots of people don't. (I suspect I have some Aspie traits too...)

To the guys around here - you have a huge advantage - your brain. Do something with that. I've been reading through this thread and mostly I'm seeing a defeatist attitude. Self-pity is about the least attractive thing in a man. I might be uncharacteristically resourceful (that's just been recognised by my son's dad, finally) but mostly I've grown to be resourceful because if I don't take care of things, nobody else will.

You also need to work on being the person that's worth loving. That means physical fitness, hygiene. Expose yourself to situations in which there's a chance of things happening. Get your mind in shape so that when you do meet a lovely person you're relaxed, and ready to step up and simply ask her a question.

All these things are just off the top of my head. Social pressures make it almost impossible to work these things out - just forget about them. Forget about asking people out, just make friends who can get to know you as you are, be unconventional, be yourself, be authentic, be someone I'd want to love.

I don't know. Is any of this making sense to anyone?


It does make sense, thanks for posting :)



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04 Jul 2010, 6:58 am

aspie affection is currently unavailable due to a technical glitch. we're working on fixing it.


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04 Jul 2010, 7:00 am

Bugzee wrote:
The problem with Aspie Affection is that the ratio between men and women would be 10 men to 1 woman.

not nescessarily. the ratio of female to male aspies has had many different results. i've heard 1/4 before, 1/5 and 1/10 here.

also, the stats might be a little off but last time i checked on this site the percentage of AS males was something like 40% whilst AS females was something like 30% whilst the rest were undiagnosed, self diagnosed and other kinds of autism and such.

perhapes it could just mean that the AS women as a percentage voted more than AS men (although there are less of them so even if more of them as a percentage of all of them voted then it is still likely they would be outnumbered.)

nonetheless, perhapes that stats vary when you look at the amount of aspies online. and even if there are a lot more men, its still worth a try i suppose...

...just means there's a bigger selection for all you ladies out there :wink:


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dynastus
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04 Jul 2010, 7:34 am

Lonermutant wrote:
dynastus wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
airbase wrote:
From one female aspie's percpective, unfortunately guys like Lonermutant often do get one over on aspie girls and preoccupy our time. When a guy is practiced at manipulation and the girl's personality is very transperant, it make for a perfect situation for the sociopathic types to take aadvantage of said girl.

I do believe that as many, if not more, female aspies have difficultiy meeting and sharing long term relationships. Almost all of my NT female friends seek that sort of meaningful realationship too. I think the challenge is greater for girls because we are often taken advantage of right from the get go, when we are very young and still very uninformed. As each negative experience takes us down a knotch and we turn further inward it becomes more and more challenging to find or except the right guy. Online dating can be quite intimidating for woman, esp if one realises how many sociopathic NTs or otherwise (such as in Lonermutant's case) are there on the self serving prowl for the convience of internet 'shopping' as it is.

Why don't more Aspie guys attend Meetups? There are always a larger percentage of girls who do. I think any girl is more likely to be open to meeting a guy on a Meetup than an internet dating site, at least it shows initiative.


They don't attend them because they only want simple, no-strings-attached sex with a woman. They know that most of the Aspie women they would meet at these meetups are either in a relationship with a nt man or they are totally asexual.

You best be trollin!
Or just speak for yourself!
Also most of the time it isn't 'asexual' but just a very low libido.

Edit:Just read something.If you are only interested in casual sex could it be you have an obsession for sex?



Bullseye, I want a sex slave, not a girlfriend. Simple as that. Don't tell me that most of men with AS actually want a long-time relationship, family and all that crap. I have no need for friends or a girlfriend, I just want a sex slave, a free prostitute I can do whatever I please with.

Could you also be an aromantic?



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2010, 7:43 am

alex wrote:
aspie affection is currently unavailable due to a technical glitch. we're working on fixing it.


Please don't.



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04 Jul 2010, 7:50 am

Mark198423 wrote:
But from what I can see the purpose of the site is to give an alternate to those other dating sites, I'm sure there are very few aspies you've been linked to on the others so surely if everyone gave it a go you wouldn't be matched with the same old people!


Ok, so how can you garantee that i will find someone interesting to talk to? Its not like there are 1000's of Swedish girls there that i can choose to talk to, and i'm not wasting my time talking to already takens with bad self esteem, i'm not looking for new penpals/friends either, even if they would be willing to visit a few times and hang out.

I want a relationship, if the chances of finding such a thing is close to zero, then why bother registering? I do not believe in destiny, fate or anything really - I'm a tech/sciense guy and i put my trust in cold hard probability maths.


Lonermutant wrote:
They don't attend them because they only want simple, no-strings-attached sex with a woman. They know that most of the Aspie women they would meet at these meetups are either in a relationship with a nt man or they are totally asexual.


Tull.


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Lonermutant
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04 Jul 2010, 7:56 am

dynastus wrote:
Could you also be an aromantic?


Exactly.



sunshower
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04 Jul 2010, 8:03 am

Lonermutant wrote:
dynastus wrote:
Could you also be an aromantic?


Exactly.


What's an aromantic?


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dynastus
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04 Jul 2010, 8:06 am

Lonermutant wrote:
dynastus wrote:
Could you also be an aromantic?


Exactly.

...
Because you don't want any relationships is not thanks to asperger but because you're an aromantic.
Most aspies are soulmate wanting guys or whatever,but these guys aren't aromantic.
Comparing yourself (an aromantic aspie) and aspies who can fall in love (romantic aspies?) is like comparing oranges to apples.

Edit for Sunshower:That is somebody who can't fall in love and doesn't have those feelings.They can still have sexual feelings but won't experience love and related feelings.



Mark198423
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04 Jul 2010, 12:30 pm

Ichinin wrote:
Ok, so how can you garantee that i will find someone interesting to talk to? Its not like there are 1000's of Swedish girls there that i can choose to talk to, and i'm not wasting my time talking to already takens with bad self esteem, i'm not looking for new penpals/friends either, even if they would be willing to visit a few times and hang out.

I want a relationship, if the chances of finding such a thing is close to zero, then why bother registering? I do not believe in destiny, fate or anything really - I'm a tech/sciense guy and i put my trust in cold hard probability maths.


Obviously I can't guarantee anything of the sort, all I'm saying is that the more of us try - the more changes of being successful. Even people with less members in their home country would have more of a chance if this happened.



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04 Jul 2010, 12:56 pm

sunshower wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
dynastus wrote:
Could you also be an aromantic?


Exactly.


What's an aromantic?


Someone who smells nice?


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Mark198423
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04 Jul 2010, 1:08 pm

BigK wrote:
sunshower wrote:
Lonermutant wrote:
dynastus wrote:
Could you also be an aromantic?


Exactly.


What's an aromantic?


Someone who smells nice?


:lol: That was what I thought I saw initially too! :lol:



Anke
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04 Jul 2010, 2:49 pm

Ichinin wrote:

I want a relationship, if the chances of finding such a thing is close to zero, then why bother registering? I do not believe in destiny, fate or anything really - I'm a tech/sciense guy and i put my trust in cold hard probability maths.


If that logic worked, why try anything? Since at the end we all have a 100% probability of dying either before or after our partners, even if we managed to pair up successfully? Yes I know we're Aspies but that also means we're clever enough to know the limits of logical thinking... If hard probability maths was limitless in its application, Aspies would already rule the world.


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04 Jul 2010, 3:39 pm

Anke wrote:
If that logic worked, why try anything? Since at the end we all have a 100% probability of dying either before or after our partners, even if we managed to pair up successfully? Yes I know we're Aspies but that also means we're clever enough to know the limits of logical thinking... If hard probability maths was limitless in its application, Aspies would already rule the world.


It doesn't happen like *BAAM*, the process of getting the insight is a tedious long process in which you are worn down by all the dating crap and you get to the sorry pessimistic state in where i am. I do not stop eating because there is a 100% chance that i'll die some day, there are other things that i would like to enjoy, i.e. i am looking forward to Fallout - New Vegas.

It's the process of dating that has gotten to me and i feel really worn down and every time i think of it i get this empty feeling on the inside - that's why i stay away from it all. For the same reason, i do not place my hand on a hot plate just because i like BBQ.

If YOU have been on a datingsite and had 573476124876234864398743 relationships as a result of that, congrats to you! You should know that it does NOT work for everyone - being loved is not a universal human right, its a privilege for some people that believe that everyone can be happy just because they won the bloody love lottery.


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Anke
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04 Jul 2010, 7:42 pm

Ichinin wrote:

It doesn't happen like *BAAM*, the process of getting the insight is a tedious long process in which you are worn down by all the dating crap and you get to the sorry pessimistic state in where i am. I do not stop eating because there is a 100% chance that i'll die some day, there are other things that i would like to enjoy, i.e. i am looking forward to Fallout - New Vegas.

It's the process of dating that has gotten to me and i feel really worn down and every time i think of it i get this empty feeling on the inside - that's why i stay away from it all. For the same reason, i do not place my hand on a hot plate just because i like BBQ.

If YOU have been on a datingsite and had 573476124876234864398743 relationships as a result of that, congrats to you! You should know that it does NOT work for everyone - being loved is not a universal human right, its a privilege for some people that believe that everyone can be happy just because they won the bloody love lottery.


I can see your frustration. Yes, online dating is soul-destroying. For lots of reasons. Very often (depending on where you live) it's considered an act of desperation and nobody who considers themselves cool would be seen dead on one. Logic also says that if there _are_ good people, finding them is going to be a 'needle in haystack' operation. There's the need for a thorough screening process. Then, thirdly, logic also says that if you go meet someone with the sole objective of checking them out for a potential relationship, it's the least romantic setting you could imagine, so the likelyhood for something to develop is... not great.

However. Have you done absolutely everything within your power to make it work? (see my post on page 4 of this thread) One thing dating sites are good for (and after all, we should appreciate that we have them, they are _much_ better than lonely hearts ads in a paper!) is practice. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is not logical is it? So change stuff around. Present yourself differently. Take all the variables and play with them. (don't play with ppl's feelings tho...)

Once you've done that, there's always the chance you get so good that people start sending you on blind dates with their female friends isn't it?

Keep smiling :)


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