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Soledad
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30 Jun 2010, 2:27 am

Who else loses friends when certain things end such as; school, or so forth? It always happens to me. I try to keep in touch with them and they ignore my messages. This summer I graduated from high school and I'm so lonely. I literally have no one to talk to. NO ONE. Im so sad. People tell me "Make new friends/start new relationships". But its so easy for them to say. My brothers still have friends from high school. Mine ignore me. and also my school counselor has been ignoring me too.

which leads me to believe that maybe these people weren't really my friends. I find it selfish that these people who ignored me are now moving on with their lives and having fun, and im still stuck with no one to talk to. I wake up everyday and its the same thing. Im sick of listening to the same old songs, watching the same old shows, movies. Its so lonely.

Im afraid to build new relationships when I get to college because I know their just gonna end like this. This is how they always end. My brother goes "who cares about those people" but he still has his friends from high school. He also says i'm the reason that Im lonely and I asked why and when he texted back he didnt answer my question, he just said "who cares about them".

I dont know what to do.

does anyone else experience what I have/am experiencing?



Logan5
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30 Jun 2010, 3:28 am

One of the things that really surprised me after I finished university, was how quickly I lost contact with people who I thought were good friends. I wrote to them, but they did not write back. (I should note that this was back in the dark ages of the world wide web, when e-mail was only just starting to take off. So-called "social networking" sites did not exist.)

On the one hand, people simply move on with their lives. They move to a new city, start a new job, meet new people, get married, have children, etc. Their lives are busy with other things. On the other hand, I suspect that I grossly overestimated the strength/ depth of these friendships. In retrospect, there were things I did which were probably annoying. (All of this occurred before I had ever heard of AS.)

These days most of my time and energy is spent just trying to get by. Interacting with other people is just too frustrating and draining, so I do not bother trying to make friends. I am polite and courteous to other people, but I leave it at that. It is better not to bother other people.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Jun 2010, 6:20 am

It's because our peers are a bunch of dick heads, and people move on to bigger and better things.


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Chantico
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30 Jun 2010, 8:12 am

Hm, at least yours were honest enough not to drag you around.

I recently found out a high school friend of mine who was 'dying' to meet up and always going on about how we should go on holiday together , has just celebrated her 21st by taking her friends and bf on holiday to a different country. I wasn't even asked. They live in a different city since college (3years), but I've always felt obligated to keep in contact because we were 'friends' and felt I was doing quite well as this (letting her stay at my place, inviting her to my 21st, trusting her... etc)

Don't get me wrong, people are entitled to move on; I've lost track of quite a few high school friends whom I still remember fondly. They could all go off to America in holiday for all I care. I just don't like being made a fool of and thinking the friendship is worth more than it really is. It really sours the memories.

You will make friends again, but they may not be permanent. Just accept that and enjoy having people to hang around if you find them. Boyfriends and girlfriends offer more permanence, but even then, things move on. Treat friendship as casually as others do and you won't be hurt by it.

Also, I find it helps to have some strong hobbies that you can enjoy without other people, or join a group that has a common goal. The people there may not be your closest friends, but they may be constant more or less.

As for your school counsellor, I wouldn't try to contact her again. She was never your friend; she was just doing her paid job. Now that you've graduated, your professional relationship has ended.



Soledad
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30 Jun 2010, 10:54 am

Chantico wrote:
Hm, at least yours were honest enough not to drag you around.

I recently found out a high school friend of mine who was 'dying' to meet up and always going on about how we should go on holiday together , has just celebrated her 21st by taking her friends and bf on holiday to a different country. I wasn't even asked. They live in a different city since college (3years), but I've always felt obligated to keep in contact because we were 'friends' and felt I was doing quite well as this (letting her stay at my place, inviting her to my 21st, trusting her... etc)

Don't get me wrong, people are entitled to move on; I've lost track of quite a few high school friends whom I still remember fondly. They could all go off to America in holiday for all I care. I just don't like being made a fool of and thinking the friendship is worth more than it really is. It really sours the memories.

You will make friends again, but they may not be permanent. Just accept that and enjoy having people to hang around if you find them. Boyfriends and girlfriends offer more permanence, but even then, things move on. Treat friendship as casually as others do and you won't be hurt by it.

Also, I find it helps to have some strong hobbies that you can enjoy without other people, or join a group that has a common goal. The people there may not be your closest friends, but they may be constant more or less.

As for your school counsellor, I wouldn't try to contact her again. She was never your friend; she was just doing her paid job. Now that you've graduated, your professional relationship has ended.


I start a summer program at my university next week. Its like a fun and academic program, but I'm more interested in the academics of it. My mom is telling me "Try to make some new friends and get some emails", but the same thing is gonna happen with those people, even if they will be going to the same college that Ill be going to for four years, they may make new friends or stop talking to me and I dont feel like all that. So what Im gonna is just socialize with people and leave it at that.



Wuffles
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30 Jun 2010, 11:17 am

Always, but in fairness, it's always my choice. I'm not good at compromise and if a friend doesn't live up to my expectations, I drop them completely.

I only recognised the pattern recently, I'm not decided yet whether or not I regret it.



Soledad
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30 Jun 2010, 11:45 am

Wuffles wrote:
Always, but in fairness, it's always my choice. I'm not good at compromise and if a friend doesn't live up to my expectations, I drop them completely.

I only recognised the pattern recently, I'm not decided yet whether or not I regret it.


You think like me. Are you saying that you're not gonna play the game of "You contact them, and they ignore you, but 3 weeks later they contact you when they couldve done it 3 weeks ago, and then you contact them 3 weeks after that to match what vthey do so you dont seem desperate"?



Chantico
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30 Jun 2010, 3:00 pm

Soledad wrote:
So what Im gonna is just socialize with people and leave it at that.


I think that's a great idea. And you'll find you enjoy socialising with some people more than others, and there's nothing wrong with hanging out with them more and calling them friends, just so long as you always remember that there is no contract and both parties are free to move along and drift apart if they want to.

Seriously, most people are flakey, so you just have to go along with it and enjoy things while they last :).



chessimprov
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30 Jun 2010, 6:11 pm

People on the exterior say it's okay to be like this and that they are still friends with so and so. I hate this too, but yeah it's only for the better. Just move on and look for new friends.

Not all, but many people have an attitude of if you aren't near me, I want nothing to do with you. If you move back to where I move to, then we will get along just fine. But if I have to make so much more effort to contact you I won't cause [it's easy for me to make other 'friends'] and I can have fun with my new group of people at my fingertips. Some people enjoy this kind of companionship and though I've never totally understood it, I have understood that people like us tend to look more for deep, meaningful friendships. Many others are very happy-go-lucky for the most part and don't care about being considerate or making deeper connections for the most part. Some think deeper connections are only for love connections and not friendships, or that getting that deep of a friendship implies romance. We live in an f-ed up world. Just try not to let it get to you too much and move on, cause I know exactly how you feel. And there's not a whole lot we can do about it besides continue to find more like minded people to ourselves.