Physical Appearence

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I had a partner that used to say 'you'll always be gorgeous to me babe' and I never disbelieved him - but I'm just not gorgeous or even a bit pretty to me - and I hate it that way!

I'd love to shine genuine warmth onto people - but I'm a freak who can't do that

I know what you mean - no matter what people say to me about how gorgeous I look (doesn't happen much but I still get the occasional compliment), what I think of my appearance is another matter.



If you really turn your mind to it, who knows what you could do? I've often felt that to show warmth to others, you need to have received it yourself first - but it sounds like you have.

it was mentioned, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
i do not think that is true because i have seen many people say that something is beautiful, and when i glance at their eyes to see if their eyes are beautiful, they are often average looking.

i can not really see what people mean by "beautiful". i can tell whether someone is likely to be seen as beautiful by other people because i have seen so many examples of people that the media say are beautiful, or that people i have heard talking say are beautiful.

but i am not in anyway moved internally by whatever feelings other men have when they say "wow she is gorgeous" and i do not see what girls see who fan their faces and gasp as if they are having a hot flush when they see a man they like the look of walk by.

i have seen very few faces in my life that i find beautiful, and i can not tell why i think they are, but i am not motivated to meet them.

like if i see a beautiful sunset shining through the hills far away, i am not impelled to walk toward those hills to be where the beauty is that i see.

i do not agree that pretty people who had a pleasant personality would lose their previous pleasant personality if they suddenly became ugly.

i have seen documentaries about people who have become disfigured and retained their spirit. like soldiers who have had their faces destroyed in battle, and when they return home to their "wives", their wives remain with them for a small while until their attempt to seem loyal beyond appearance dissipates and they leave their disfigured husbands.

those fellows seem to be as nice as they were before all that happened to them

there was a story about a girl in australia who was very pretty and her evil boyfriend poured petrol on her and set her alight, and her face is hideously scarred, but she was still the same person when she was talking about her life after the event. although she was sad about what happened, she was still as nice as she always was..

i think it is people who are born ugly and who are bitter about it due to their poor personality, and consequently do poorly in life because of their poor personality, who are the ones who believe that pretty people who have a pretty personality only have it because they are physically pretty.

a pretty person did not ask to be born pretty in the same was an ugly person did not ask to be born ugly.

the novelty of being pretty wears off before you even realize you are pretty at an early age. if you were made beautiful tomorrow, then after a while it would pale into insignificance to you if you had an ugly personalty.

there are many more aspects to life than the face that someone has to face it with.

there is a hemingway story about the effects of war.
a man who's had his nose blasted off is upset most by the fact he no longer resembles his family.

I can totally understand this, I tend to think this way too. I notice that I often get caught up with little details, rather than the "whole picture"; so at the moment, I´m always stressing about the fact that my hair is too short and I don´t like it- I want my old hair back!- or, I complain about my work....(because I was sick for so long, I was demoted in one of my jobs so now it´s going to be much more tedious). People always reply by saying "Well, at least you got your health back, you should be thankful for that!" I am thankful of course, it´s just been hard giving up all the things I´ve had to give up in the process. I keep thinking about how I want my old life back, i.e., life before cancer. I wonder if this sort of thing is much harder for AS people; it´s been exceptionally difficult for me to deal with all the changes, physical and otherwise. And this stress continues.



Thank you so much! Yes, my health is much better at least, and statistically speaking, my chances should be pretty good that it doesn´t return. Unfortunately, I don´t like my looks, but then again, I´ve dealt with that problem most of my life!
And I wish you the best too, and that you can also feel good about yourself.

I know how you feel. I think that if I had a better body, people would treat me better. I bust my ass working out, starve myself of the foods I love in hope that I'll find someone who loves me. The odds are still very slim anyway. If I were attractive, I'd have stalkers and s**t. I guess I'll try to save up money for surgery or something. D:

Look Erisad, this is rubbish!

Im just as fat as you, Im more than 10 years older than you, I have 2 kids and Im utterly mad, yet I still have no problem 'pulling'.

All people want to be loved, there are plenty of guys who would love you!! !!

if you have a good body people treat you like an object

Where the hell are they then? They don't exist in Pennsylvania, that much is certain. D:

@katzefrau - I'm treated as a genderless blob now so an object would be a step up.

Ok - here it is again - the personality v looks contest. I know that personality is important. So face transplant v personality transplant - which is the most feasible? I think face transplant or face lift at least!

People talk about changing personality as if it's something I could manage in a year or two. I have an extensive collection of self help books - I have tried mild medication - I have seen a counselor - I keep trying to change my view of most things - as of yet nothing has taught me to be more of a 'people person' or to love or even like myself!!

One thing I have picked up from self help/psychology books is that part of the healing process is fully accepting oneself warts and all. I guess this means accepting my appearence as much as everything else - yet I just DO NOT feel that this is possible for me.