What to do with obsessive interest?

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What can I do to encourage my son to have more than one interest?

We are not currently diagnosed or in treatment, FYI - not until the end of the month. We are at the beginning of this process.

My 10 year old son will ONLY play 2 things - Flipnotes and Scratch computer programming. That is ALL he will do. Getting him to switch to something else is nearly impossible and turns into a huge ordeal. I used to keep pushing, pushing, pushing, but I always lost and getting him to switch to something else is, for lack of a better phrase, pure hell for the household.

Any suggestions? Do I push hard like I did for a year with no results or just let it be? I feel like a lazy parent by just letting him have his one interest. He will literally play these 2 games for 10+ hours a day. From the second he wakes up to the second he goes to bed....he does go to day camp during the week where he cannot play these games, but as soon as he gets home he is on them.

What do I do?

Well, you could let him play his games without bothering him. Is there any reason you are opposed to him learning how to program things? It sounds like your son has an enjoyable, and relaxing hobby which makes him happy. Who cares what it is.

Well... If you take the games away completely, he will be devastated and it will cause a lot of problems. I wouldn't suggest doing that.

If you let him continue playing as much as he wants. He will be happy. As long as it doesn't interfere with his school, I don't see it as a problem. I used to game all day long for the past 4 years, and this year I finally grew up and got over it. And I replaced it with exercise, reading, and getting involved at my college. My parents kept pushing me too, it and achieved nothing so they eventually gave up and let it run its course.

Last option: limit the number of hours a day he can play to 3 and make it a specific time every day. If you do this he will probably be bored as hell until he is allowed to play. And he will never give up on the games because since he won't play them enough to get tired of them. Maybe you can encourage him to find another interest to keep him busy during the time he isn't playing.

Good luck.

+100000 on that.

If my mum took my obsessions away I'd become angry and depressed, especially if it's for no reason. Just let him get on with what makes him happy, he's not hurting anyone.

The problem is that it affects our functioning. I am single with 2 kids, my 10 year old and my 17 month old. It is very hard to get my son to get off the games so we can do stuff like go to the store, go for a walk, go outside. His brother doesn't get to do much of anything at all like go to the park or walks. We can't go to the zoo or anything. We are held up in this house and I am frankly getting very depressed. There is no one else here to stay with him so his brother can do stuff other toddlers get to do.

The gaming obsession combined with his sensory issues and stuff make it so we basically can't leave the house at all.

He has no interest in other children, people or things. No one wants to come over. We are completely isolated and I hate it.

I have done everything - limited the time, taken it away completely, tried making him earn time on the games, etc...nothing works.

SO - to summarize the problem w/ his obsessive gaming is that it affects everyone in the house's functioning.

Get a baby sitter. Don't make him unhappy or force him to socialise. This is from the view of a teenager on the spectrum.

OK, being isolated is really not good. At least once the school year starts, you will be able to use that time to do more typical toddler stuff with your 17-month old.

A lot of what I've been reading involves making visual prompts for AS kids, and that routines are important. So, there would be a poster showing that on Sautrday morning, he will eat breakfast, play the game for 30 minutes, then put on shoes, then go grocery shopping.

Is there a hand-held game he could take with you to a playground or park? That way he would have a comfort while your younger child gets to play, and everyone gets some fresh air.

Good luck!

Couldn't you just leave him at home for a few hours while you go out? He probably isn't ready to move out on his own, but he will likely survive for 3 or 4 hours while you go out with your toddler. Just lock the doors, and tell him not to open the doors or go outside. Also, make sure he has access to food and water, and your fine.

I agree with whoever suggested posting a schedule. If you are a single mom with a 17 month old then you do NEED to get out of the house, for your own sanity. Depending on where you live it may not be possible to leave a 10 year old alone. Also, the extent to which your 10 year old is computing implies (to me at least, but I have little to no real knowledge of your kid) that the obsession is interfering with his ability to function.

I am no expert, but I think (and someone will correct me if I'm wrong) that the goal of parenting is to produce (eventual adults) who can function and participate in the world. There is nothing wrong with spending all day on the computer UNTIL spending all day on the computer impinges upon the needs of the rest of the family or upon ability to perform activities of daily living.

Hopefully you and your son will be able to come up with a compromise. Create a schedule that clearly states he will get the game time he needs AND clearly states which activities out of the house he is required to participate in.

Thanks for all the NT and Aspie perspectives and advice. It is really important to hear both.

I am sure my son would be find at home alone for however long but I am uncomfortable with it. I have been thinking that it might be OK to go for a 30 minute walk without him.

In our state the legal age to be home alone is 15 yo. Obviously no one follows that rule because we have 12 year olds that baby sit. I do think my son can handle being home alone for 30 min. Maybe I should get security system that will make me feel better about that.

I do work, so I do get out of the house, the baby goes to day care and my 10 yo goes to day camp. But work is not outside, it is not in public, it is not with friends. I am just exhausted cuz I have to do all my shopping and stuff on my lunch break.

Tried the charts, schedule. Doesn't work. We pay dearly for following a schedule (other than eating, sleeping, day camp).

Anyway, keep the ideas coming.

It is wrong for one person in a household to control the activities of all the other people, that's far too much power and control for one person in a family to have. If you allow this to continue things will get worse. Noone can get what they want all the time. Everyone living in a household must learn to compromise so that everyone else can get what they want too. This is only fair. So you've got 10 yrs of enabling your child's uncompromising behavior to undo, and it will take some time, but that should be the goal: Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, that's just life and you know what, not only that but you also have to do the things you don't want to do with a good attitude.

I like the other poster's suggestion of making a schedule, but it should include stuff EVERONE wants to do. I also like the other poster's suggestion of allowing your child to bring a comforting activity to help him deal with activities he may not enjoy. With my son, we have a rule that you have to try new things at least once, you don't have to like them, you don't have to repeat them, but you do have to try them. This has encouraged the finding of new special interests. We also limit video game time to about 0.5 hr per day (sometimes more, sometimes less) because I personally believe, in our case, that playing video games for hours at a time is a cop out.

Best of luck!

it can be unhealthy for a 10 yr old child to be spending that much time on the computer, especially if done at one sitting. it would be good to limit his time per session on the computer. for instance, hes allowed to play for 3 hours, then must take a break for 2, or whatever. you can use an electronic timing device to set the computer to automatically shut off during the break time as wel to prevent him going past his allotted time.

a lot of people believe in just letting the aspie do whatever it is they are inclined to do. i myself have always required my kids to participate in at least a minimal amount of family activities outside of the home. its good for both the individual and the family as a whole. we do take things with us for them to "escape into", such as ipod and ds. i would do like someone else suggested and employ the use of a visual schedule so that he can see ahead of time when he will be able to play his game and when expected to participate in family activities, and provide him with some outlet to bring with him so he can mentally check out if needed.

if you are going to push him to do things off the computer tho, i would limit it to actual family activities, like the zoo, going for a walk, go to the park, etc. not things like grocery shopping. you want it to be fun and enjoyable being off the computer, not boring and a chore. if its fun activities he may learn to fight it less. at 10, depending on his maturity, he should be able to be left alone for short periods of time so that you can do the household things as needed. just make sure he has rules and emergency contact numbers and start out with short trips during daylight hours. we started this at 10 with our oldest and its worked well, at 13 he even watches his younger brothers while we run to the store.

You could try waterboarding, or shoving bamboo splints under his fingernails.

He behaves the way he does because that's the way his brain is wired. Torturing and berating and nagging are not going to change his neurochemistry. I don't see why you're so obsessed with forcing him to be something he isn't.

He'll develop other interests when he runs across something else that interests him.

There's a reason why (in spite of warm'n'fuzzy terms like 'neurodiversity') that AS is called a DISORDER. Do you think it helps to scream at Alzheimer's patients when they forget things?

If your son is indeed an Aspie, then like all Aspies he should be allowed his passions. Forcing and pushing him out of them, and causing the whole house a lot of fuss is completely unneccesary. There is nothing wrong with limited interests. What's wrong is when a child grows up having limited exposures and limited experiences and limited opportunities.

If you provide him over the years with exposure, experiences, and opportunities, then you will ensure he is a well-rounded Aspie.

In the meantime, use his passions to draw him into those broader experiences - for example my son's passion is Star Wars. We used it to learn about science and space (real stuff, not sci-fi stuff); my husband studied up on it extensively to help foster a bond between them (which worked amazingly well - I would encourage you to do the same with your son's interests); and we used it to help him desensitize to large, loud, crowded places as he's gone to see the movies and even the massive Star Wars in Concert event. He used to be afraid to go to just a regular cartoon movie, now he handles giant concerts with ease; he's also formed friendships with his peers based on their shared interest in Star Wars. So overall, we view his passions as very positive and beneficial for him.

I don't really know what those things you mentioned are (I'm not tech savvy) but if you explain what they are, I may be able to help you brainstorm ways that you can use them to expand his experiences and social connections

Ok, like I said, I have no diagnosis, just suspicions from the docs and myself. So, I had no idea that you should allow an aspie kid to have their obsession. Please understand I am trying to figure this out and most of this goes against everything we are ever taught is OK and acceptable to allow kids to do. It will take time to wrap my NT head around it

But that is an excellent idea - expanding his interests by using his obsession.

Scratch is a programming language for kids. It is programming in a child-friendly format. I suppose I could use this to lead him into other programming such as C++. Having only taken courses on HTML, Oracle, and Visual Basic, I am somewhat limited in what I can teach him, plus there are few kid friendly learning formats for other languages. He does take Scratch classes through the gifted school, which he absolutely loves.

Any other ideas on what programming can be led into regarding other interests?

Remember when you were little you would take a note pad or post it pad and make little stick figures at the corner, then flip the pages and you have animation? That is Flip Notes except on Nintendo DS. It is animation. I guess I could lead that into other types of computer animation? Any ideas on exactly what programs or anything?

There are many reasons I would like him to have other interests. 1. Learning more 2. Living up to his potential by learning more 3. So we can get out of the house.

Ok, like I said, I have no diagnosis, just suspicions from the docs and myself. So, I had no idea that you should allow an aspie kid to have their obsession. Please understand I am trying to figure this out and most of this goes against everything we are ever taught is OK and acceptable to allow kids to do. It will take time to wrap my NT head around it

But that is an excellent idea - expanding his interests by using his obsession.

Scratch is a programming language for kids. It is programming in a child-friendly format. I suppose I could use this to lead him into other programming such as C++. Having only taken courses on HTML, Oracle, and Visual Basic, I am somewhat limited in what I can teach him, plus there are few kid friendly learning formats for other languages. He does take Scratch classes through the gifted school, which he absolutely loves.

Any other ideas on what programming can be led into regarding other interests?

Remember when you were little you would take a note pad or post it pad and make little stick figures at the corner, then flip the pages and you have animation? That is Flip Notes except on Nintendo DS. It is animation. I guess I could lead that into other types of computer animation? Any ideas on exactly what programs or anything?

There are many reasons I would like him to have other interests. 1. Learning more 2. Living up to his potential by learning more 3. So we can get out of the house.