Favoritism Question for People who Grew Up with Siblings

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What is/was your family situation?
I'm an aspie, and I AM/WAS the favorite. 21%  21%  [ 6 ]
I'm an aspie, and I AM/WAS NOT the favorite. 71%  71%  [ 20 ]
I'm NT, and I AM/WAS the favorite. 4%  4%  [ 1 ]
I'm NT, and I AM/WAS NOT the favorite. 4%  4%  [ 1 ]
Total votes : 28

Aspie1
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08 Jul 2010, 12:04 am

This is a question for people who are either now growing up in a household with multiple siblings, or who were growing up in a household with multiple siblings, although this poll works best for two-child families. The age difference doesn't matter for the purpose of this question. Now, we all hear time and time again that parents love all their children equally, but somehow, I just don't buy it. (Rag me if you wish, but I speak what's on my mind.) If you look at how parents interact with each of their children, some favoritism definitely comes to the surface. It's those interactions, not the abstract concept of love, that can tell who's the favorite and who's not. Case in point: when meals were served, my parents would tell my older sister "take from the fridge whatever you like", then immediately turn to me, and yell "eat what we served you!" It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the truth. By the way, I'm an aspie and my sister is NT. Because of this favoritism, me and her are now on friendly terms, but don't see each other outside of birthdays and holidays, and talk once a month.

So, lock in your votes. Choose one of the four options that applies to you. Let's see if we can see any pattern.



zen_mistress
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08 Jul 2010, 12:15 am

There were no favourites in my fmily. My brother was very competitive with me though, like he thought I got everything. I dont know why, it was weird, like he was doing sibling rivalry stuff with me but I didnt reciprocate with my own rivalry as I didnt understand why he was trying to compete with me all the time.


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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08 Jul 2010, 12:20 am

My mother favored the boys.


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CockneyRebel
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08 Jul 2010, 12:34 am

My parents always favoured my sister, over me. My sister was the little thin one, who couldn't do any wrong. I was the black sheep of the family, because I had my obsessions, and my quirks, not to mention an accent, that I've never lost, thank God.

That was than, this is now.


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IdahoRose
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08 Jul 2010, 2:42 am

Even though my parents insist that they have no favorites, I know that they favor me over my other siblings. I never get in trouble - I've only been spanked once in my entire life, and the only punishment I ever receive is nothing more than a slap on the wrist, figuratively speaking. My parents usually buy me anything I want, as long as there's extra money available. They also let me drop out of school after it got too difficult for me. They never want me to move out of the house or get a job, saying "we'll take care of you forever!"

My younger brother is great friends with me. I know he's the 2nd favorite because he's just as spoiled as I am, but my parents are pushing him to be independent instead of encouraging him to stay at home like me. They also didn't give him the option to drop out of school.

My eldest sister adores me almost as much as my parents do. She's the 3rd favorite because she isn't as favored as me or my brother, but she's still vastly preferred over my other sister.

My other older sister is aware of the favoritism and hates it. She is incredibly jealous of me and my brother, telling us that we're spoiled and that mom and dad never treated her as nicely as they treat us. She also forgets that she was a rebellious child (drinking, lying, drugs, sex) who grew up to be a mean-spirited adult, and that's why she's my parents' least favorite. My mom dreads talking to her on the phone and avoids talking to her whenever possible, and dad always jokes that the doctors accidentally swapped her with his real daughter when she was born at the hospital.



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08 Jul 2010, 3:02 am

I am favoured -- was more than am now -- and I think I can really assume that it's because I always followed all rules to a tee and did exactly what I was supposed to. I had troubles in school, but I didn't bring that up very often at home. I was quiet and spent most of my time to myself, compared to my siblings who were all incredibly loud and never wanted to follow rules.

Now, since I'm not following conventions that my mother used to really love I didn't (I don't date and don't really have a desire to; I don't make an effort to socialize compared to how I never went to any parties in High School, I have NO desire to have children and don't like children at all) she is becoming frustrated with me and attempting to make me fit into the standard form...



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08 Jul 2010, 3:21 am

It's a complex question. My mum sometimes seemed to favour my NT brother (though he does have traits), always telling me what he was doing and insinuating that I should be more like him, but she also used to make allowances for my AS too.

These days, she dosen't seem to have any distinguishable favourites.

As for my dad, I really don't know. It's hard to communicate with him a lot of the time.



Ambivalence
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08 Jul 2010, 5:41 am

What favourite?


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08 Jul 2010, 6:19 am

I am autistic, and I was not my parents' favorite. I have just one sibling though, who was/is definitely liked more by my parents than I.



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08 Jul 2010, 6:49 am

My family worked better after I left. I was sixteen then, my sister eighteen and my little brother thirteen.

They both finished degrees and went on to professional careers. I just fell through the cracks.



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08 Jul 2010, 11:53 am

I was not the favourite. Favourite target, maybe.

My mom actually told me that she favoured my brother because she wanted a boy so much.


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08 Jul 2010, 12:07 pm

This never happened in my family. My parents didn't do favorites and they treated us all the same. Sure there be times when one of my brothers be allowed to stay up later than my brother and I because he took a nap or when brothers getting to stay up and me having to be in bed because they had no school tomorrow and I did. I don't call that favorites. Or m brothers being allowed dessert because they ate what was on their plate while I was refusing and if I wanted ice cream, I had to eat what was on my plate.

Plus I have noticed how sometimes parents do things different with your younger siblings because they learn from their mistakes they made with you and decided to not make them again on their other kids. So my brothers got stuff I never got such as being allowed to drive around our land because it gives them practice at driving and the reason why I never did it was because they never thought of it and I never thought about it either. Plus I noticed how they got to work normal jobs in high school but my mom said it was different for them because they are saving for college and when I was in school, they wouldn't let me work because of my anxiety and they knew I wouldn't be able to handle work and school at the same time. I still don't see that as favoritism because it's about what your kid is capable of. If your kid was lactose intolerant, you wouldn't force them to drink milk while you force your other kids to have it while their sibling doesn't have to have it. That also isn't favoritism.



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08 Jul 2010, 12:13 pm

My little brother always started the fights and I always was the one that got in trouble for them. Most of my life he got away with everything till I started running away from home.


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08 Jul 2010, 12:24 pm

I voted that I was not the favorite, which is true, but it's not as if my siblings were particular favorites either. The thing is, my parents never approved of any of my friends because I chose friends that were a little bit different, like I was, and they never seemed to approve of any choices I made in life, thinking I was always making a mistake. On the other hand, my sister (in particular) always had exactly the sort of friends my mother approved of, and always did the right thing. When I bring this up to them these days they have no idea what I'm talking about, and think I'm just twisting the facts around in my head.



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08 Jul 2010, 1:20 pm

IdahoRose wrote:
My other older sister is aware of the favoritism and hates it. She is incredibly jealous of me and my brother, telling us that we're spoiled and that mom and dad never treated her as nicely as they treat us.


You have the same amount of siblings and I'm the youngest as well. I quoted the above because I have an older sister who feels this way about us, but she is my Dad's favorite. She's got a lot of grudges against all of us, especially my Mom, who's favorite is her only son. If she doesn't feel "special" by all concerned, she's miserable. Growing up, everything was centered around this particular sister. She raged and threw tantrums and if it wasn't for her juvenile diabetes and fragile bones (which she constantly broke), I don't think we would have put up with her as much as we did. But yeah, she was Dad's favorite because when she was good, she was very affectionate, especially towards my Dad. He's a lot like her in that he likes feeling "special" and is very needy that way. That's why me and my Dad never got along, because I wasn't the least bit affectionate and hated being touched. When I was a teen, Dad had actually said to a visiting military officer (Dad was a Captain), "that there is my absolute favorite" while pointing to a picture of this particular sister. Right in front of me, but I wasn't surprised. I also had deep feelings for this sister. We all ached for her, and she took advantage of it.

Mom never admits to favorites, but it's obvious that it's my brother. When he accomplishes something, she just beams. She doesn't react the same way with her three daughters. Out of her daughters, I'd say her first born is her favorite, but I can't be as positive about that. My oldest sister makes more efforts to stay in touch with my parents, so that'd be why. She's also never caused any major upsets growing up. Very much a rule follower, like a "typical" first child.

As the youngest though, I had the option of staying home "forever" and they even told me that. The reason could very well be they thought I'd never make it on my own (I haven't really, I'm still struggling), but it's also in keeping with old tradition where the youngest stayed home so that the parents would have someone to look after them when they were old and helpless.