Page 1 of 3 [ 38 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

takemitsu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 601

08 Jul 2010, 10:54 am

Because of the way I was brought up, I believe I have a fear of being poor. My family in no way is opulent or living a luxurious life. But I believe that the lack of cash really molded me into who I am now. I'll give some examples.

My family never went on vacations, we never traveled anywhere, we never even talked about it. I got pretty depressed whenever people would talk about their adventures or summer vacations, and I couldn't add anything except, "Wow, that must be nice"

I was a very good student in primary school, but I was sick a lot and had migraine headaches. It didn't really become a problem until I was H.S. and my drive along with my grades sunk to barely passing. It wasn't until that I was 21 and at work that one of my supervisors seen that I was having a hard time looking at box labels. He pointed out that I needed glasses. I got them and the headaches disappeared. I believe my parents knew I needed them, but they forced me to wing it.

When I was in 4th grade I wanted to take up an instrument, and I choose saxophone. I did really good with it, until the day my parents told me that they could no longer afford the rental fee. I got downgraded to a clarinet, which didn't hold my enthusiasm like the sax, so I quit altogether.

When I was in the 3rd grade, my parents were being laid off, and talked about the possibility of losing the house. They made these discussions in front of me, uncensored. I even afforded to give them all the money I had to help. Then I wondered if we would lose everything too, and wind up naked on the street. I asked them this question, and they said that literally, "Yes, we will be naked on the street".

I never had fashionable clothes, or went out to fashionable places, or even places for entertainment.

When I graduated high school and got a job, the only thing I did was save up money. I mean I went with out all the things that I missed out on growing up to save money. I wound up buying a house. I have a good amount of savings for someone my age, and I only work PT. I don't have cable or big cell phone bills. I just keep saving, and I don't know what for. I used to tell people that invited me out that I couldn't go because I can't afford it, which was an excuse for me to not go out because of AS or whatever, but apart of me really believed that I would go broke if I did go out too much. It's really silly, I feel very poor even though I have everything I need.



agmoie
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 8 Aug 2005
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 333
Location: Britain

08 Jul 2010, 11:18 am

Sounds like you are doing well-keep saving and don`t start wasting money like others do.You will be able to sell up and enjoy a comfortable early retirement.



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

08 Jul 2010, 11:49 am

takemitsu wrote:
It wasn't until that I was 21 and at work that one of my supervisors seen that I was having a hard time looking at box labels. He pointed out that I needed glasses. I got them and the headaches disappeared. I believe my parents knew I needed them, but they forced me to wing it.


Wow, that's a bit rough. Couldn't you get subsidized vision correction where you are?

My dad's always been a bit of a miser, and my mum a wastrel. I take after my dad. Even with no income I always seem to have enough.

Seems like now is the time to think about what you want to do with your money and adjust your habits to how things are now, not how they were in the past. No point saving it all for no reason. Maybe you could use it for good. If you've got no use for it, a charity or someone less fortunate would.


_________________
Not currently a moderator


Molecular_Biologist
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 18 May 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 329
Location: My own world

08 Jul 2010, 12:36 pm

Saving and staying debt free is good.

However......When you are lying on your deathbed, the last thing you are going to be wishing is that you saved more money.

Don't forget to live a little.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

08 Jul 2010, 12:42 pm

It's certainly understandable that you have that attitude after what you've been through, and saving money is always smart; even rich people save as much money as possible, they just have complicated posh ways of doing so.

As Molecular_Biologist said, I think you should spend a bit to have some fun - you deserve it. But certainly continue to be intelligent with your money as you are now, and who knows, you might find yourself a millionaire one day when the interest rates turn in your favour :wink:



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 104,768
Location: Canada in person, Germany in spirit

08 Jul 2010, 12:50 pm

You're doing very well, with your life, right now. Keep saving that money. :)


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Jul 2010, 12:52 pm

Money just baffles me. I grew up poor myself, and often times the only presents under the Christmas tree were from charity. When I was 18, the only food my family ate were donations from my mom's church. We couldn't afford anything else.

These days, I leave the financial stuff up to my husband. If it was left up to me, I would fluctuate between spending binges and saving binges.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


Assembly
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 225

08 Jul 2010, 1:23 pm

I know where you're coming from, I grew up in a lower class family. I have never been outside my own country (which is rather unusal for someone who lives in scandinavia), had to use worn out clothes and couldn't participate in the same activities as other children. Being 'poor' isn't something you talk about either, you have to keep quiet and make up alot of excuses. There was alot of tension in our home and arguments because of this which made things even worse. I was never encouraged or motivated into performing well in school - nonetheless I did, and I'm currently a med. student. In my case this isn't a story about someone who came from a poor background and then worked their way to the top, because frankly I didn't work hard, but I did have to endure poverty, ridicule and social stigma. If forcing myself into socializing will prevent me from ending up like my parents it's definetly worth it.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,820
Location: Pacific Northwest

08 Jul 2010, 1:44 pm

How come people don't say they're poor? I never had a problem with saying I am.

I grew up with upper class parents because my dad worked as an appraiser and my mom was a nurse but she was a stay at home mother. My dad made enough to cover all the bills and for fun stuff we do. So we did lot of fun stuff and went on lot of trips because my dad owned his own business so he could take time off whenever he wanted. He still has that job and his business but isn't making as much now as he used to due to the economy and my mom is recovering from her sickness so she will return to work soon.

But me I don't make much and I only work part time, sometimes more when someone calls in sick or goes on a vacation. I am working to save money again and my husband makes enough to cover all the bills. And we have a little more money for spending thanks to me working. My husband doesn't see us as poor and says we are doing good. I see us as poor because we can't travel far or even afford a new car or even a house. But we have an apartment without section 8 and we don't get food stamps, we have cable, my husband was able to save up for a laptop but I think he used our tax money for it. I guess everyone has their own definition of poor. I know there are people who make less than us so they are even more poor than us and compared to them, we are richer.

I know my kid won't be able to have the same experience I had as a child due to us not having much money. Plus my kid may not ever have brand new clothes and only sometimes and may not be able to do activities and we won't even be going to the movies unless they are discount ones. My kid might not have no more than one birthday present and Christmas it be worse. We might bake a cake instead for birthdays than buying one. Our kid might never have bought desserts and it might only be sometimes and there be no sweets because you don't need to have that stuff. I just have a feeling my husband and I be fighting more often after we have kids because he want to do this and that wiping out our savings or putting us into debt just because he would want our kid to have the experience of seeing a movie or going on rides. They have gotten so expensive. My husband isn't obsessed or worried about money as I am so it creates a problem for the both of us. With a kid, it be even worse.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 104,768
Location: Canada in person, Germany in spirit

08 Jul 2010, 1:47 pm

I'm poor myself, and it can be a bummer, at times. I don't let it get to me, though. I see it as an opportunity to see myself, as a working class hero, pretty much like my role model, and be proud of myself, for being the good one, who likes to help out, and talk to others. :)


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Jul 2010, 1:56 pm

League_Girl wrote:
How come people don't say they're poor? I never had a problem with saying I am.

I grew up with upper class parents because my dad worked as an appraiser and my mom was a nurse but she was a stay at home mother. My dad made enough to cover all the bills and for fun stuff we do. So we did lot of fun stuff and went on lot of trips because my dad owned his own business so he could take time off whenever he wanted. He still has that job and his business but isn't making as much now as he used to due to the economy and my mom is recovering from her sickness so she will return to work soon.

But me I don't make much and I only work part time, sometimes more when someone calls in sick or goes on a vacation. I am working to save money again and my husband makes enough to cover all the bills. And we have a little more money for spending thanks to me working. My husband doesn't see us as poor and says we are doing good. I see us as poor because we can't travel far or even afford a new car or even a house. But we have an apartment without section 8 and we don't get food stamps, we have cable, my husband was able to save up for a laptop but I think he used our tax money for it. I guess everyone has their own definition of poor. I know there are people who make less than us so they are even more poor than us and compared to them, we are richer.

I know my kid won't be able to have the same experience I had as a child due to us not having much money. Plus my kid may not ever have brand new clothes and only sometimes and may not be able to do activities and we won't even be going to the movies unless they are discount ones. My kid might not have no more than one birthday present and Christmas it be worse. We might bake a cake instead for birthdays than buying one. Our kid might never have bought desserts and it might only be sometimes and there be no sweets because you don't need to have that stuff. I just have a feeling my husband and I be fighting more often after we have kids because he want to do this and that wiping out our savings or putting us into debt just because he would want our kid to have the experience of seeing a movie or going on rides. They have gotten so expensive. My husband isn't obsessed or worried about money as I am so it creates a problem for the both of us. With a kid, it be even worse.


There was a lot of shame associated with being poor when I was growing up. Kids would tease me and say things like "your mommy doesn't love you" because I was wearing a donated jacket.

While I do not think there's anything actually wrong with being poor, I can understand completely why someone would be ashamed of it.


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


takemitsu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 601

08 Jul 2010, 1:59 pm

Even though I don't have to, I still buy off brand food, second hand clothes, and scour craigslist for items I'm intending to purchase. For a long time, I've said that I can't make up my mind on what to put on the walls of my house, but it's because I'm going to regret buying anything and think that I should have saved it instead lol. I have about 1200sq/f of space, and I only have 1 mirror hanging up on all the walls. Although, I'm starting to enjoy the minimalist decor, it's really easy to clean!

I'd like to say that I would donate some to charity, but I feel like I've done enough self-sacrifice for a dozen people. Even though half of what I sacrificed didn't help anyone else out, I can't really differentiate between the two. Actually, I do donate to the United Way, they deduct money out of my check every week. Not trying to go off track, but since I mention United Way, I'll ask this question. Someone at my work said they don't donate to the United Way because they use some of the money to euthanize children in poor countries. Does that sound true?



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,820
Location: Pacific Northwest

08 Jul 2010, 2:04 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
How come people don't say they're poor? I never had a problem with saying I am.

I grew up with upper class parents because my dad worked as an appraiser and my mom was a nurse but she was a stay at home mother. My dad made enough to cover all the bills and for fun stuff we do. So we did lot of fun stuff and went on lot of trips because my dad owned his own business so he could take time off whenever he wanted. He still has that job and his business but isn't making as much now as he used to due to the economy and my mom is recovering from her sickness so she will return to work soon.

But me I don't make much and I only work part time, sometimes more when someone calls in sick or goes on a vacation. I am working to save money again and my husband makes enough to cover all the bills. And we have a little more money for spending thanks to me working. My husband doesn't see us as poor and says we are doing good. I see us as poor because we can't travel far or even afford a new car or even a house. But we have an apartment without section 8 and we don't get food stamps, we have cable, my husband was able to save up for a laptop but I think he used our tax money for it. I guess everyone has their own definition of poor. I know there are people who make less than us so they are even more poor than us and compared to them, we are richer.

I know my kid won't be able to have the same experience I had as a child due to us not having much money. Plus my kid may not ever have brand new clothes and only sometimes and may not be able to do activities and we won't even be going to the movies unless they are discount ones. My kid might not have no more than one birthday present and Christmas it be worse. We might bake a cake instead for birthdays than buying one. Our kid might never have bought desserts and it might only be sometimes and there be no sweets because you don't need to have that stuff. I just have a feeling my husband and I be fighting more often after we have kids because he want to do this and that wiping out our savings or putting us into debt just because he would want our kid to have the experience of seeing a movie or going on rides. They have gotten so expensive. My husband isn't obsessed or worried about money as I am so it creates a problem for the both of us. With a kid, it be even worse.


There was a lot of shame associated with being poor when I was growing up. Kids would tease me and say things like "your mommy doesn't love you" because I was wearing a donated jacket.

While I do not think there's anything actually wrong with being poor, I can understand completely why someone would be ashamed of it.


I figure explaining to them that your parents do not have enough money would help them understand why you don't do this or that or can't have this or that. Then bam it helps them be less judgmental of you and not make so many false assumptions.



TeaEarlGreyHot
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 28,982
Location: California

08 Jul 2010, 2:15 pm

League_Girl wrote:
TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
League_Girl wrote:
How come people don't say they're poor? I never had a problem with saying I am.

I grew up with upper class parents because my dad worked as an appraiser and my mom was a nurse but she was a stay at home mother. My dad made enough to cover all the bills and for fun stuff we do. So we did lot of fun stuff and went on lot of trips because my dad owned his own business so he could take time off whenever he wanted. He still has that job and his business but isn't making as much now as he used to due to the economy and my mom is recovering from her sickness so she will return to work soon.

But me I don't make much and I only work part time, sometimes more when someone calls in sick or goes on a vacation. I am working to save money again and my husband makes enough to cover all the bills. And we have a little more money for spending thanks to me working. My husband doesn't see us as poor and says we are doing good. I see us as poor because we can't travel far or even afford a new car or even a house. But we have an apartment without section 8 and we don't get food stamps, we have cable, my husband was able to save up for a laptop but I think he used our tax money for it. I guess everyone has their own definition of poor. I know there are people who make less than us so they are even more poor than us and compared to them, we are richer.

I know my kid won't be able to have the same experience I had as a child due to us not having much money. Plus my kid may not ever have brand new clothes and only sometimes and may not be able to do activities and we won't even be going to the movies unless they are discount ones. My kid might not have no more than one birthday present and Christmas it be worse. We might bake a cake instead for birthdays than buying one. Our kid might never have bought desserts and it might only be sometimes and there be no sweets because you don't need to have that stuff. I just have a feeling my husband and I be fighting more often after we have kids because he want to do this and that wiping out our savings or putting us into debt just because he would want our kid to have the experience of seeing a movie or going on rides. They have gotten so expensive. My husband isn't obsessed or worried about money as I am so it creates a problem for the both of us. With a kid, it be even worse.


There was a lot of shame associated with being poor when I was growing up. Kids would tease me and say things like "your mommy doesn't love you" because I was wearing a donated jacket.

While I do not think there's anything actually wrong with being poor, I can understand completely why someone would be ashamed of it.


I figure explaining to them that your parents do not have enough money would help them understand why you don't do this or that or can't have this or that. Then bam it helps them be less judgmental of you and not make so many false assumptions.


Then they just made fun of me for being poor. Many threw food at me. Kids can be very cruel./


_________________
Still looking for that blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen.


Ambivalence
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,613
Location: Peterlee (for Industry)

08 Jul 2010, 3:11 pm

Asp-Z wrote:
even rich people save as much money as possible, they just have complicated posh ways of doing so.

Complicated, and mostly resembling the commonplace terms "theft", "fraud", "gambling", "usury" and "exploitation." :roll:


_________________
No one has gone missing or died.

The year is still young.


kx250rider
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 15 May 2010
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,140
Location: Dallas, TX & Somis, CA

08 Jul 2010, 3:33 pm

My childhood was full of thriftiness and tight-wad-ism... I was a generation off, as my mother was born in 1926, and spent her childhood in the Great Depression (whereas most of my peers' grandparents were born around then.) My household would plan for YEARS before buying a new refrigerator, or doing any non-emergency home repairs. They all drove base model cars, and kept them for life. We had a black & white TV set when everyone else had gone to color, etc etc.

My wife and I are VERY lucky not to be among the poor in this current economy, but the fear of losing it is a valid one. So yes, I do have a fear. I know I wouldn't die if I had to live in a small apartment and ride buses, but it would be very disappointing after trying to do well and seeing a little success.

Charles