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NinjaHermit
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19 Jul 2010, 9:40 am

Partly, more on the outside of a group looking in.

I always feel more like the group as a whole tolerate me rather than actually want me there. There's usually one person in the group that I get along with, that person is usually the reason I'm with that group of people in the first place, or it's a group of people who are interested in one of my interests.

Whenever people start integrating me into the group more things stop working and I end up either leaving the group or the group leaving me!

I'd like to fit in and be part of a group permanently, but it just doesn't work out that way.



alexptrans
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19 Jul 2010, 9:58 am

NinjaHermit wrote:
Partly, more on the outside of a group looking in.

I always feel more like the group as a whole tolerate me rather than actually want me there. There's usually one person in the group that I get along with, that person is usually the reason I'm with that group of people in the first place, or it's a group of people who are interested in one of my interests.

Whenever people start integrating me into the group more things stop working and I end up either leaving the group or the group leaving me!

I'd like to fit in and be part of a group permanently, but it just doesn't work out that way.


This sounds so much like me. Whenever I'm with a group of people, it's always because of one person I get along with and feel like being around - I even try to calculate in advance how many people there are going to be in addition to that one person, and whether being around that person is worth tolerating the group.



Kiseki
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19 Jul 2010, 12:05 pm

With a group, no. With a few people yes.



Philologos
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19 Jul 2010, 2:23 pm

Relativity. In high school and undergraduate U I "belonged" to a cluster of assorted eccentrics that adopted me on my first day in that school. I definitely "belonged" more than elsewhere. But within the group there were two or three subgroups - I :"belonged" with ABC more than I did with DEF. BUT - even in ABC I was odd man out.

I have felt full belonging with a max of perhaps 4 people at any one time - all fellow spectrals.



bee33
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19 Jul 2010, 3:17 pm

When I've tried to be part of not just a group but actually an entire community (one was a community center where I volunteered, another was a mostly-online very chatty and friendly community around my special interest) I ended up being mob-bullied and chased out.

I feel so traumatized that I haven't been able to get over it, and I am way too afraid to ever attempt it again.



Taupey
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19 Jul 2010, 5:05 pm

I have felt included and excluded with different groups throughout my life. It has a lot to do with the types of people in those groups. I've never been part of any group that would exclude someone in a mean and hurtful way if they would even excluded anyone at all. I am so not into cliques and speaking badly of someone as soon as they turn their backs. Unless I find out that's what they have been doing to me, then I never say anything behind their backs that I haven't already said to their face. I don't know about anyone else but I think of everyone here at WP like family. :)

Taupey



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19 Jul 2010, 10:00 pm

Mike1 wrote:
Because I am interested in electronics, video games, and hacking and I go to a technical school I have a lot of nerdy Neurotypical friends. We sometimes have long nerdy discussions. A lot of my friends are social outcasts even though they are Neurotypicals. My teacher is impressed by my skill in electronics. He doesn't think I'm dumb even if a lot of other people outside my trade do. I'm both the representative and advisor of my electronics class. I've made it farther in electronics competitions than everyone else in my class. My friends accept me, but they don't always understand me. Try to find other people who are interested in what you are interested in if you can. They might accept you as part of their group, but they won't ever completely understand you.


Wow That sounds like me when I was in High School but I had no nerdy NT friends-they knew what I could do and used me to help them figure out what was wrong with things-I also went to the VICA competitions and won first place in PA and went on to the nationals and placed 8th but never had close friends-when the psychiatrist made the diagnosis I actually pointed at a computer monitor in her office and told her I could relate to the monitor better than I could relate to people-and one time at the regional competition,my first one in fact-I was 16 and at the time they didnt have a name for AS-I won the regionals and at the awards ceremony with 50 people in the room they mispronounced my name and everybody laughed-now at the time I have AS,low self esteem,I am a teenager I think many people might be able to guess what happened-I felt about 2 inches tall and walked up and ripped the certificate out of the pricipal of the schools hand and stormed away-and then had to write him an apology letter-he didnt apologize for mis pronouncing my name-I still felt pretty small being laughed at-the saving grace in my time in the technical school was my teacher-they wanted to put me in the socially and emotionally disturbed class but he wouldnt because he didnt believe in learning disabled-he thought that meant we just learn differently. He was a teacher ahead of his time.


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Mike1
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23 Jul 2010, 4:10 pm

Radiofixr wrote:
Mike1 wrote:
Because I am interested in electronics, video games, and hacking and I go to a technical school I have a lot of nerdy Neurotypical friends. We sometimes have long nerdy discussions. A lot of my friends are social outcasts even though they are Neurotypicals. My teacher is impressed by my skill in electronics. He doesn't think I'm dumb even if a lot of other people outside my trade do. I'm both the representative and advisor of my electronics class. I've made it farther in electronics competitions than everyone else in my class. My friends accept me, but they don't always understand me. Try to find other people who are interested in what you are interested in if you can. They might accept you as part of their group, but they won't ever completely understand you.


Wow That sounds like me when I was in High School but I had no nerdy NT friends-they knew what I could do and used me to help them figure out what was wrong with things-I also went to the VICA competitions and won first place in PA and went on to the nationals and placed 8th but never had close friends-when the psychiatrist made the diagnosis I actually pointed at a computer monitor in her office and told her I could relate to the monitor better than I could relate to people-and one time at the regional competition,my first one in fact-I was 16 and at the time they didnt have a name for AS-I won the regionals and at the awards ceremony with 50 people in the room they mispronounced my name and everybody laughed-now at the time I have AS,low self esteem,I am a teenager I think many people might be able to guess what happened-I felt about 2 inches tall and walked up and ripped the certificate out of the pricipal of the schools hand and stormed away-and then had to write him an apology letter-he didnt apologize for mis pronouncing my name-I still felt pretty small being laughed at-the saving grace in my time in the technical school was my teacher-they wanted to put me in the socially and emotionally disturbed class but he wouldnt because he didnt believe in learning disabled-he thought that meant we just learn differently. He was a teacher ahead of his time.


I made it to the state-level VICA competition, but I didn't win. My room mates made me sleep on the floor because there was three of us and only two beds. At the dance they searched me for drugs because they thought that I was acting wierd. The hosting school ended up wining all three medals. If I decide to compete next year I probably won't compete in electronics again. I don't really want to compete again, but if I don't compete it will look like I lost and my teachers have high expectations of me.



Radiofixr
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23 Jul 2010, 4:31 pm

Mike1 wrote:
Radiofixr wrote:
Mike1 wrote:
Because I am interested in electronics, video games, and hacking and I go to a technical school I have a lot of nerdy Neurotypical friends. We sometimes have long nerdy discussions. A lot of my friends are social outcasts even though they are Neurotypicals. My teacher is impressed by my skill in electronics. He doesn't think I'm dumb even if a lot of other people outside my trade do. I'm both the representative and advisor of my electronics class. I've made it farther in electronics competitions than everyone else in my class. My friends accept me, but they don't always understand me. Try to find other people who are interested in what you are interested in if you can. They might accept you as part of their group, but they won't ever completely understand you.


Wow That sounds like me when I was in High School but I had no nerdy NT friends-they knew what I could do and used me to help them figure out what was wrong with things-I also went to the VICA competitions and won first place in PA and went on to the nationals and placed 8th but never had close friends-when the psychiatrist made the diagnosis I actually pointed at a computer monitor in her office and told her I could relate to the monitor better than I could relate to people-and one time at the regional competition,my first one in fact-I was 16 and at the time they didnt have a name for AS-I won the regionals and at the awards ceremony with 50 people in the room they mispronounced my name and everybody laughed-now at the time I have AS,low self esteem,I am a teenager I think many people might be able to guess what happened-I felt about 2 inches tall and walked up and ripped the certificate out of the pricipal of the schools hand and stormed away-and then had to write him an apology letter-he didnt apologize for mis pronouncing my name-I still felt pretty small being laughed at-the saving grace in my time in the technical school was my teacher-they wanted to put me in the socially and emotionally disturbed class but he wouldnt because he didnt believe in learning disabled-he thought that meant we just learn differently. He was a teacher ahead of his time.


I made it to the state-level VICA competition, but I didn't win. My room mates made me sleep on the floor because there was three of us and only two beds. At the dance they searched me for drugs because they thought that I was acting wierd. The hosting school ended up wining all three medals. If I decide to compete next year I probably won't compete in electronics again. I don't really want to compete again, but if I don't compete it will look like I lost and my teachers have high expectations of me.


OMG I slept on the floor too at the nationals and twice in a nice reclining chair ---I understand why you dont want to go back-I felt the same way after my first year and the "incident" well I went again and went to the nationals and it was a good time even though I wasnt very social-hang in there and please try going again-you may be surprised in yourself at the competition. 8)


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eagletalon86
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23 Jul 2010, 5:27 pm

Only to find out I was the piece of the puzzle that didn't quite complete it, so yes. Many times really, but in the end it's the same outcome.



Deathinmusic
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28 Jul 2010, 4:10 pm

No, I am always an outsider, even if the group would seem welcoming. I can't understand their motivations and desires at all, what they expect of me and how each of them relate to me and to other people in the group etc.

I can only communicate with one person at a time, and even then I just adjust myself to that person. I remember as a child I had a few friends but I always hung out with just one at a time because I understood for example how different friend A and friend B were, and if I would have had to be together with both A and B, I wouldn't have known how to behave. It sounds quite pathetic really. I never felt included in any groups when I was in school. This also applies online, I can't form a connection to others. I get jealous of people who do form those connections, because I want to be a part of that.



alexptrans
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28 Jul 2010, 4:22 pm

Deathinmusic wrote:
I remember as a child I had a few friends but I always hung out with just one at a time because I understood for example how different friend A and friend B were, and if I would have had to be together with both A and B, I wouldn't have known how to behave.


I think I understand exactly what you mean. I had one strategy (or set of rules) for dealing with friend A, and another for dealing with friend B. Put friend A and B together, and interaction became more than I could handle.



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28 Jul 2010, 4:23 pm

I hate groups because I feel out of place.



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28 Jul 2010, 4:33 pm

Yes, WP.