Why is talking on the phone so difficult for us?

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By "us" I dont mean to generalize. Mabye some aspies dont mind it so much, but for me and many other talking on the phone is one of the WORST aspects of being an aspie. Its probably the biggest fear, or the biggest thing I loathe, when I "have" to call someone and cannot avoid it (work related etc.).

I HATE IT so much, why? I am uncomfortable speaking to speaking to people face to face, but talking on the phone is something else altogether. It's a nightmare.

If we as aspies cannot pick up body language, youd think talking on the phone would be an advantage for us, right? So I'm wondering why it's 10 times WORSE than talking face to face with someone. Thanks.

For me it's the opposite. I am far more comfortable with a disembodied voice transmitting from the receiver of a telephone than the harsh and chaotic transactions that occur between people face to face. Those terrify me to no end. It's the randomness of it and the fear of what people will say and how they react. I hate it. On the phone, it's easier to fake my way through.
I loathe cell phones because of the weird sound they make, but cordless landlines are cool. They can get uncomfortable and irritate the outer ear, but that's the only drawback.

I used to be really bad, and always put it off as much as possible.

Now Im much more comfortable, but only when Im calling to ask something, like sorting out a bill, or calling to see if a shop has something in stock.

Having a social conversation on the phone on the other hand is an absolute nightmare (unless its with my mother for some reason lol) and i avoid it at all costs.

To be honest even in real life its only social conversations which I have trouble with. Talking to a shop assistant etc, im fine with, but I do find prolonged social conversations difficult. Though not remotely as bad as when im on the phone

As difficult as face-to-face can be, at least the other person is visible. On the phone, and even though I usually do okay there, it is still almost impossible to "see" the other person in his or her actual setting. For example:

I know most people do not think with precision, so I try to listen closely on the phone in order to try to discern whether the person on the other end even comprehends what I am asking or saying ... and then when I can hear distracting noise/s in the background, I can get "lost" wondering what is going on there even if the other person is accustomed to those noises and is not distracted by them. So overall, being on the phone often places me in a very challenging setting even when the person on the other end is a family member or friend.

For me, I think it has to do with the fact that when speaking face to face I can fidget with papers or do something to "break up" the conversation. In other words I can "take a break" if I have nothing to say etc.

BUT when on the phone...it's like you have to keep talking CONSTANTLY because the only communication is VOICE. If you go even 2 seconds without saying anything, it's already "awkward". I think thats why I hate it so bad!!

I admit I'm not always perfect on the phone and I sometimes stay silent a bit too long, too. I somehow pass for okay, though. The other person usually says something (if I am quiet too long) and while they are talking I quickly think of a question to ask. I find that it helps if you can think of a question while the other person is talking before they have a chance to finish and then ask it right after they stop. They quickly think of an answer and start talking again, giving you long enough to think of something else(sometimes, it takes a lot of talking to answer a question). A lot of the time I don't hear what they say because of this and I miss some of the conversation.

I can talk almost endlessly until I fall asleep, but yes, the phone can seem far more demanding ... and that is why I sometimes tell people I do *not* answer questions on the phone, and I do not even answer when they might ask, "Why not?"

I cannot think well enough while being pressured and/or thinking "on my feet". So, I often tell people I will *only* communicate in writing.

For me, it's my slowed processing speed (especially auditory processing) that makes it hard to understand without being about to see the mouth. I also take longer than most people do to respond.

For me at least I have greater difficulty knowing when I should be talking and when the other person should. This leads to frequent interruptions and long pauses.

ack, all of the above:(

i hate it when someone says i'll phone you tomorrow night, i am so uptight waiting for the call, also don't like phoning the doctor and asking the reception for repeat prescriptions sometimes i am so anxious about that i go in and ask instead

I agree. When i need service done on the bicycle, rather then call and try to describe what i need, i take it in and show them. For eye contact issues, i wear mirrored sunglasses, even inside, all i have to do is look in their general direction and im assumed to be making eye contact.

Talking to people i know is never an issue, even if i dont know them very well. example: when i do the office work at the convenience store and i have to phone in to the home office, even though i dont know them, i know i have an exact purpose for the call, as do they.

Its the role of "complete stranger" that really screws me. I wont order anything more complicated than a pizza over the phone. I ask someone else to make the call for example to the furnace repair people.

I'm terrified of phonecalls too, especially making them. Yes, social cues and body language etc. are very problematic for us, but when you think about it, at least being physically with people we can manage to pick up on a few of these things. Then, when faced with a phonecall, the small internal encyclopedia we have of those cues and suitable behaviours etc. is absolutely useless to us, because in this situation we can't see the person - all we have to work with is the voice! And tone of voice is hard enough to understand at times but then you have the cues to talk and they're always confusing to me unless I'm asked a direct question. There are often gaps where the other person has said something and then fallen silent for a few seconds, but I don't know whether that person is expecting me to say something or whether they're just thinking etc. so a lot of my phone conversations involve the other person saying "Hello? Are you still there?" quite frequently. It's really embarrassing at times.

Then there's the issue of keeping focused. I almost always go into a quiet spacious room alone to be able to focus on what that person is saying and not to have any sensory distractions. This, of course, isn't always possible.

So that's my summary of the horrible phonecall problem

I'm an aspie and NEVER had that problem. In fact, people treat me like the nice guy I am on the phone, but then treat me like a fool in person because of my whacked out eye contact. I was even asked to do the voice for an animated character on a company project I was involved with. I really don't think hatred of talking on the phone is all that common with aspies.

For me, it's the peppy white girl, at the other end of the line, without an accent, who expects everybody in Canada to speak, without an accent. Those are the types, who don't try to make an effort, to understand my speech patterns. The types that I hate, the most. I hate it, when a young, peppy girl answers the phone, because I know exactly what to expect. That the girl will be too lazy of a listener to try to understand my Cockney accent. Forget it! I'm not losing my accent, to suit those girls.

I can be on either side of the phone phobia depending on the situation and how I'm feeling that day. I spent decades answering studio request lines and actually enjoyed it - my dating life depended on smooth-talking the groupies. However, I was in pretty much total control there, and had the option of simply hanging up on a caller and putting the line on hold if they annoyed me.

Making a household business call, if I'm fully prepared, is not so bad, because I'm on a mission and there's usually not a lot of small talk, as its more about requesting information and waiting on hold - in those situations, you'd not know me from any friendly well-spoken neurotypical. If I'm not well prepared, or being peppered with questions I wasn't expecting, the old anxiety attack pops up instantly and I start stammering and mispronouncing words, accidentally interrupting the other person, leaving long awkward pauses and making a general idiot of myself.

Incoming calls are always screened. If I don't recognize the voice on the machine, I don't pick up. If I do recognize the voice, I may pick up if I'm feeling up to dealing with that person, or I may wait and call them back later, or send them a text or email. Its pretty much the same as someone ringing the doorbell. My instant reaction is to hide in another room and wait for them to go away. If they didn't call first and let me know they were coming, they aren't getting a response. Opening the door to strangers never ends well.