Women who have aspergers: A non-issue for them

Page 17 of 19 [ 289 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19  Next

hanyo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2011
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,301

09 Dec 2012, 9:39 am

Cinnamon wrote:

Indeed, Hanyo. And I don't even like sex. :(


Me either. I don't plan on ever having sex again. The last time I had it was 1995.



CrazyStarlightRedux
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,028
Location: Manchester, UK.

09 Dec 2012, 6:32 pm

hanyo wrote:
Cinnamon wrote:

Indeed, Hanyo. And I don't even like sex. :(


Me either. I don't plan on ever having sex again. The last time I had it was 1995.


I don't think you should share that info online? Just saying. :?

17 years is a long time though...


_________________
Just a guy who gives advice and talks a lot.


XFilesGeek
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,697
Location: The Oort Cloud

09 Dec 2012, 6:35 pm

CrazyStarlightRedux wrote:
hanyo wrote:
Cinnamon wrote:

Indeed, Hanyo. And I don't even like sex. :(


Me either. I don't plan on ever having sex again. The last time I had it was 1995.


I don't think you should share that info online? Just saying. :?

17 years is a long time though...


Why not?

And I haven't had sex....ever.

That makes it 29 years for me.


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (no longer a moderator)


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

09 Dec 2012, 7:09 pm

Spare me the 'Oh no I'm attractive my life is s***!' line please

I'd trade lack of looks for looks any day and I wouldn't waste them either; l'd milk them for all they were worth!

Spend one day as a less attractive person and you'd beg for your looks back, even with no relationship, I can assure you!

As a less attractive person you are a second class citizen to the majority and the fact I've overcome this blight on my life and still managed to find good relationships is a point of pride to me.

I have little to no sympathy with the attractive people who are unable to find anyone - they are wasting the aces in their hand which I would have killed to be dealt!



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

09 Dec 2012, 8:47 pm

No one is saying "I'm attractive, thus my life is s**t."

However, being attractive does not mean having a better quality of life. It does not mean having an easier life. It does not mean having an easier time finding or having relationships.

It's utterly pointless to try to reduce someone's life down to how attractive they are.



EstherJ
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,039
Location: The long-lost library at Alexandria

09 Dec 2012, 9:47 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Spare me the 'Oh no I'm attractive my life is s***!' line please

I'd trade lack of looks for looks any day and I wouldn't waste them either; l'd milk them for all they were worth!

Spend one day as a less attractive person and you'd beg for your looks back, even with no relationship, I can assure you!

As a less attractive person you are a second class citizen to the majority and the fact I've overcome this blight on my life and still managed to find good relationships is a point of pride to me.

I have little to no sympathy with the attractive people who are unable to find anyone - they are wasting the aces in their hand which I would have killed to be dealt!


I'm attractive, and smart, and have been completely unsuccessful.
Never been asked out (except once, and it was weird), never had a relationship, never kissed, never ANYTHING. Believe me, I've tried.

The guys that I might have had potential with either treat me like **** or are marginally interested.

To say that I'm wasting my looks is stupid. People are losing out. I'm not being a narcissist or anything....but when you're too much of a prick to take an interest in someone, sorry bud, too bad.

I've given up on dating. I will probably stay single the rest of my life. Which is a shame because I really wanted to get married. Unfortunately most guys I meet are a bunch of selfish losers that can't get over themselves....or are non-commital.

So, here you go. The whole OP's theory debunked.



Cuckooflower
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 4 Oct 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 348

09 Dec 2012, 9:56 pm

But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.


I'm not even going to bother reading the 18 pages of replies; this is completely wrong.

Being pretty makes no difference. We still cannot cope with NT social rules and are actually more likely to be exploited because of our looks/gender, plus our poor theory of mind, naivety and so on.
That has happened to me a few times; I have not actually suffered a sexual assault, but I cringe to think of how many times I have been close to being taken advantage of because of totally misreading a situation, and I have attracted stalkers because of my poor theory of mind and vulnerability.

It's no joke being a female with this disability in the world of sexual politics.


_________________
Dime quienes son tus amigos y te diré quien eres


nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

10 Dec 2012, 7:21 am

Verdandi wrote:
No one is saying "I'm attractive, thus my life is sh**."

However, being attractive does not mean having a better quality of life. It does not mean having an easier life. It does not mean having an easier time finding or having relationships.

It's utterly pointless to try to reduce someone's life down to how attractive they are.


In my experience people who are more attractive usually get more respect, more deference, more friends and generally more attention - it's a fact.

I suspect all those saying it's otherwise are attractive and just don't know how awful it can be when you are less so or not.

I get fed up of people saying it's not all about looks when all the evidence plainly points to it being so.

How many unattractive celebrities or film stars are there? How many are there on TV?

It's an insidious prejudice that people just won't admit to as it's so endemic but if you aren't very attractive you will be appraised of that fact wherever you go - it doesn't have to be in words, it's the way people interact or don't interact with you!

"It's utterly pointless to try to reduce someone's life down to how attractive they are."

This is exactly what the majority do!



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

10 Dec 2012, 7:39 am

nessa238 wrote:
In my experience people who are more attractive usually get more respect, more deference, more friends and generally more attention - it's a fact.


Yes and no. This is true, but there are other factors at play as well.

Quote:
I suspect all those saying it's otherwise are attractive and just don't know how awful it can be when you are less so or not.

I get fed up of people saying it's not all about looks when all the evidence plainly points to it being so.


The problem I have with your argument (and I have been seen as attractive and unattractive at various points in my life) is that you appeared to say that being attractive meant having it good, as if nothing else plays a role. Being autistic plays a role. Being attractive while socially inept does not make up for being socially inept. It is not all about looks. Looks are only part of the equation.

What was said earlier in this thread that being attractive makes it easier to have sex is true. It is also true that it doesn't make having a relationship easier. It might make it easier to start one, but you can't just sustain a relationship on a superficial assessment of one's appearance. There needs to be more, and that "more" is harder for autistic people.

Quote:
It's an insidious prejudice that people just won't admit to as it's so endemic but if you aren't very attractive you will be appraised of that fact wherever you go - it doesn't have to be in words, it's the way people interact or don't interact with you!

"It's utterly pointless to try to reduce someone's life down to how attractive they are."

This is exactly what the majority do!


No they don't. There are so many other factors at work, such as body weight, skin color, age, economic class, and disability to name at least some of them.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

10 Dec 2012, 7:44 am

Verdandi wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
In my experience people who are more attractive usually get more respect, more deference, more friends and generally more attention - it's a fact.


Yes and no. This is true, but there are other factors at play as well.

Quote:
I suspect all those saying it's otherwise are attractive and just don't know how awful it can be when you are less so or not.

I get fed up of people saying it's not all about looks when all the evidence plainly points to it being so.


The problem I have with your argument (and I have been seen as attractive and unattractive at various points in my life) is that you appeared to say that being attractive meant having it good, as if nothing else plays a role. Being autistic plays a role. Being attractive while socially inept does not make up for being socially inept. It is not all about looks. Looks are only part of the equation.

What was said earlier in this thread that being attractive makes it easier to have sex is true. It is also true that it doesn't make having a relationship easier. It might make it easier to start one, but you can't just sustain a relationship on a superficial assessment of one's appearance. There needs to be more, and that "more" is harder for autistic people.

Quote:
It's an insidious prejudice that people just won't admit to as it's so endemic but if you aren't very attractive you will be appraised of that fact wherever you go - it doesn't have to be in words, it's the way people interact or don't interact with you!

"It's utterly pointless to try to reduce someone's life down to how attractive they are."

This is exactly what the majority do!


No they don't. There are so many other factors at work, such as body weight, skin color, age, economic class, and disability to name at least some of them.


Yes well the phrase 'Walk a mile in my shoes' has never been so apt!



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

10 Dec 2012, 7:48 am

nessa238 wrote:
Yes well the phrase 'Walk a mile in my shoes' has never been so apt!


This is an extremely narrow perspective. The world is bigger than your troubles.



nessa238
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jul 2011
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,908
Location: UK

10 Dec 2012, 7:53 am

Verdandi wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Yes well the phrase 'Walk a mile in my shoes' has never been so apt!


This is an extremely narrow perspective. The world is bigger than your troubles.


Yep I know this and it's why I get involved often in campaigning issues

It's why I set up a support group for adults on the autistic spectrum in my own town

and my lack of visual impressiveness is the very reason most of them couldnt even be bothered
to reply to an email and why I stopped running the group as I was so sick of their apathy and shallowness!

What makes me laugh the most is that it's unattractive people themselves who still think they have the right to judge me as unattractive! Unattractive and very stupid people - one of whom might read this post - hope she does as she was the most ignorant person on the spectrum it has been my misfortune to meet! Selfish, ignorant, only interested in boy bands and her mobile phone thick isn't the word yet she saw fit to judge me as beneath her!

That group could have led me to punching someone out my frustration was so bad!
I stopped running that group for my health as well as theirs!

So I've tried to help my fellow aspies - and given up as they aren't worth the bother!

that's not entirley true though as I have recently given a lot of information to a man who is on the board of our mental health trust to assist him in his efforts to get services set up for peopel with Aspergers as there are currently none

So even after all the s*** off people Im still trying to do good works in the community as it's my essential nature to want to help people

Just dont force me to spend time in their vicinity as they seriously make me see RED!



Schneekugel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,612

10 Dec 2012, 8:25 am

Quote:
But if you're a pretty woman with aspergers, it just doesn't matter. In fact men might even like you MORE because of it.


Yop, because some sort of men think, that because you have a mental disease, you would be an easy victim to them. Am I not lucky, that perverts around the globus misinterpret the fact, that i do not focus while talking, as sign that i am dumb, so they hope to easily convince me of saving them of doing their exhausting handjob? Woohoo, I am sooo lucky that men see me as a dumb bag of flesh. :lmao:



Or did you mean earnest relationships? Yeah sure, men love women who they can introduce to their parents as: "Hi, this is ... Yeah well, she has a mental disease, so there are good chances that she will never fit into your social expectations, that you will be ashamed of her when talking to your neighbors and friends, and that our children and our grandchildren will also inherit this disease. Lets celebrate this by opening the champagne!"



Cinnamon
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 20 Nov 2012
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 209

10 Dec 2012, 8:36 am

Being physically attractive has benefits but also downsides.

I had friends as a teenager, and I don't think I would've had friends if I had not been pretty. I think that because I was beautiful my weird behaviour was judged to be 'cute'. If I had been ugly people would have just considered me weird. Mind you, most people still thought I was weird and not worth talking to - in spite of my looks.
And girls who were less pretty than me would have more/longer relationships too.

I don't think I'd have been sexually assaulted as often as I have been if I had not been pretty. I still would have been assaulted- nasty men seem to have a sense for easy to lure girls - but it would probably have been less.
I grew up in a very sexist society and I had horny men following me and bothering me all the time when I went out. It was horrible. I did not go out much.

Now I am in my forties and not very pretty anymore. I'm fat and I have blotchy skin, and my hair looks a mess (my mum used to cut it when I was young). I also live in a society where such extreme sexism is deemed less acceptable. I find life a lot easier now; I can walk on the street without having to slap off creeps all the time.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,298
Location: South-East England

10 Dec 2012, 1:09 pm

Woman have to look presentable all the time. Men can just chuck on an old shirt for casual wear and still be socially accepted. Men don't have to wear make-up either. Women who don't wear make-up are very few and far between; the majority of women DO wear make-up of some sort, and have to make more of an effort to look nice.

Maybe men have to make more of an effort in their actions, like appearing confident and ''brave'' (men who cry often don't get socially accepted, unless there's a really good reason behind it), but if a man just goes out and doesn't have to interact with anyone, then they don't really have to worry about much, where as a woman has to still have a descent appearance when we go out whether we are interacting with anyone or not, because we must look ''beautiful''.

I don't care who has it easier with dating and who doesn't. Harping on about how one is going to get a relationship gets boring.


_________________
Female
Aged 30
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


Acedia
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 489

10 Dec 2012, 3:07 pm

This guy is kind of melodramatic and probably trolling, his use of the word fugging is funny. :D

I do agree with some of his points though. On an ostensible plus, a man doesn't have to be great-looking to get a girlfriend, but he does have to be adept at socializing and have some kind of social circle.

The expectations that women have are, sometimes, near impossible. Men have to be charismatic, confident, witty, forward yet not over-encroaching, abiding the rules of propriety (which can be subjective and have to be worked out on an individual basis), understanding and respecting the confines of personal space, and men have to make this all appear effortless without appearing too clingy and needy.

It's a juggling act for someone who is unable to read body language. Juggling whilst standing on a bed of hot embers.

Being good-looking alone isn't going to get a man a girlfriend. It is easier for women to get a partner, and I'm not saying that only fantastic, stand-up guys approach women, obviously not. And this may sound sexist, but I think if women wanted the dynamics of dating to be different they could make that change, but I personally feel that women find it easier to let men do the approaching and asking out.

Men being generally worse at socializing, and social skills being imperative for men in getting a partner, means that there are more men than women who have problems in dating.

I have myself been asked out by women, but still it's a rare event, as it is for a lot of men. And I was thrown off by it, not because it was unwanted, but because it was unexpected. When you're a guy and it's your role to do the asking out, when those rare instances happen, it throws you off a bit. I remember not handling those situations well and it was very awkward.

Whereas I know girls who get asked out, at least, every week. It's so commonplace for women that I'm not surprised that some women actually start to hate being hit on by men. For us men you realize that you are just another guy asking her out, and if you're crap at interacting, your chances are so slim.