Finding a place to meet women

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RossMc
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22 Jul 2010, 1:03 pm

I live in an affluent suburb in New England. I find that meeting women here follows some simple rules, often restrictive. (1) The first is that a lot of women have very rigid ideas of where to meet men. In the chick flicks, a guy bumps into a girl in some humorous, offbeat way, then something starts between them. What I find in practice is that only bars and clubs or online dating sites are completely accepted. I find that online dating is a fatiguing, tedious process.
I find that to meet women in clubs, you have to bring along a same-sex friend along, since a lone man is seen as either desperate or suspicious.
I meet a lot of women through my work, but a lot of people hold fast to rather harsh and rigid ideas of workplace romance. Too many people think that any hanky-panky at work will be an instant career-killer. That is more true if you have a high-level job, but most people don't.



Woodpecker
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22 Jul 2010, 1:51 pm

Why not take up a sport which plenty of women do, ballroom latin dancing is an example of such a sport.

What you need to do is NOT to go looking for a woman to pick up, but instead talk and interact with the young ladies. Talking about the weather is better than "trying to chat em up", just relax and maybe things will work out the way you want them to.

Make sure you look and act "normal" and not like a sex mad nutter (women will run a mile from such men)


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Willard
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22 Jul 2010, 1:58 pm

RossMc wrote:
I meet a lot of women through my work, but a lot of people hold fast to rather harsh and rigid ideas of workplace romance. Too many people think that any hanky-panky at work will be an instant career-killer. That is more true if you have a high-level job, but most people don't.



I haven't found that to be true at all, no matter what anyone says - I think if you polled married couples you'd find a huge percentage of them met through their jobs. In any office there are always secretaries and 'assistants' doing their bosses, and people from different departments hooking up after passing in the halls for months.

Probably 98% of all the relationships I've ever had, whether ultra short, or long term were with women I met either at work, or through the job itself, because at work I had a chance to get to know them gradually over a period of weeks or months, and the others I was able to flirt with over the phone before I had to actually meet them face-to-face, and I got really good at that. I was much more confident and in control of the situation that way.

There's no way I could meet someone in person and wrangle any kind of encounter out of it on the spot. I'm doing good to make small talk with a cashier the first time I meet them.



Weiss_Yohji
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22 Jul 2010, 10:47 pm

I live in a resort area in southern Delaware, and find that meeting women practically requires you to go to bars or clubs or through work. Being an Aspie, I'm not too keen on partying/clubbing, and the fact that I don't drink doesn't seem to help much--it feels like there's some unwritten rule somewhere that says you practically have to drink if you're going to get anywhere with the ladies. (One of the beach towns here becomes a party town in the summer.) All my coworkers tell me to just get myself out there, but going up to any random gal and chatting her up seems very intimidating. I'm the kind of person who gets attached pretty easily, and I can't really tell if she's interested unless she makes it obvious (Because of the inability to read non-verbal social cues). I've even asked coworkers if they know anyone, and they all keep kicking up dirt.



Northeastern292
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23 Jul 2010, 7:20 pm

Weiss_Yohji wrote:
I live in a resort area in southern Delaware, and find that meeting women practically requires you to go to bars or clubs or through work. Being an Aspie, I'm not too keen on partying/clubbing, and the fact that I don't drink doesn't seem to help much--it feels like there's some unwritten rule somewhere that says you practically have to drink if you're going to get anywhere with the ladies. (One of the beach towns here becomes a party town in the summer.) All my coworkers tell me to just get myself out there, but going up to any random gal and chatting her up seems very intimidating. I'm the kind of person who gets attached pretty easily, and I can't really tell if she's interested unless she makes it obvious (Because of the inability to read non-verbal social cues). I've even asked coworkers if they know anyone, and they all keep kicking up dirt.


I sort of know how that is.



Weiss_Yohji
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25 Jul 2010, 8:48 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
Weiss_Yohji wrote:
I live in a resort area in southern Delaware, and find that meeting women practically requires you to go to bars or clubs or through work. Being an Aspie, I'm not too keen on partying/clubbing, and the fact that I don't drink doesn't seem to help much--it feels like there's some unwritten rule somewhere that says you practically have to drink if you're going to get anywhere with the ladies. (One of the beach towns here becomes a party town in the summer.) All my coworkers tell me to just get myself out there, but going up to any random gal and chatting her up seems very intimidating. I'm the kind of person who gets attached pretty easily, and I can't really tell if she's interested unless she makes it obvious (Because of the inability to read non-verbal social cues). I've even asked coworkers if they know anyone, and they all keep kicking up dirt.


I sort of know how that is.


I have to wonder if maybe it's where I live, or if I'm defective in some way, or what. I'm not the partying type, as I've already established. I keep asking my peers if they've found any women for me, and they still don't come across any of them, even after I've told them what my overall type is! I wonder if any of them are really looking for any girls for me or if they're lying just to humor me.



RICKY5
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25 Jul 2010, 10:01 pm

If you've got the coin, I recommend Internet escort sites. "Real" women cost far too much than what you'd ever get out of them.



t0
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25 Jul 2010, 10:15 pm

Ever tried a volunteer group? Usually local papers post a list of groups looking for volunteers. Maybe you could find a group related to a special interest and meet potential SOs there that share similar interests.



scubasteve
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26 Jul 2010, 12:09 am

The few relationships I've had so far all started at work or school. Every place I've worked has a rule against it, but it was generally tolerated even when the boss found out. If it's the boss's daughter you might want to think twice though (long story.)