100% sure you're an aspie one moment, doubting it the next?

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm really AS, or if I'm just eccentric. It would be interesting for me, to get re-evaluated, just to see how I'd score, at the age of 35. I still feel that I'm a big part of the WP community, and I always will.

Hi everyone, this is such an interesting thread to me as it's something i'm really struggling with at the moment. I've talked to a few people about the fact that I think I have AS and although their reactions have been positive (and not much of a surprise) I still feel like they have doubt about it and are not able to accept it. I feel like I have to justify every reason but can't do this straight away during a conversation. I don't know if i'm making sense here but there are times when I think 'of course I do, everything fits' and then I have doubts again because I generally function well (until I have an unexpected meltdown).

Anyway, I really feel that I too can act very well socially and am beginning to question if this is a good thing or not!

Suzi

I have HFA, but I feel like I have Aspergers. Weird.

I go through the same emotions. I am glad to see I'm not the only one. However, I'm starting to believe that terms like AS and HFA just serve to categorize different types of people. So on good days, I don't feel as though being Aspie, or who I am, is a problem. It's only on bad days that I feel like I need some professional help...

Actually, that sounds like the kind of social telephone anxiety that's typical of an Aspie.


I don't think I ever had any serious doubts from the moment I first read about AS, although I approached it that way with the therapist, because I wasn't sure she wouldn't think I was just imagining things. I specifically told her I didn't mean to come off as some sort of Mental Health hypochondriac, but I was pretty convinced the profile fit.

Even after the psychologist diagnosed me, I expressed to the therapist the concern that I wanted to be certain the psychologist wouldn't just diagnose me to ease my own anxieties (which I realize now was entirely irrational - no professional would risk their reputation giving a diagnosis just to shut the patient up), but it wasn't because I doubted that it was accurate, I just needed to be certain they were as sure as I was.

I've had two years since then to learn more about AS and the permutations and subtleties of its effects and not only do I have no doubts, I realize now it has defined me my entire life. There is no part of my personality and no moment in my life that has not been in some way affected by the way my brain is formed and processes my world and experiences. For that reason I am continually bemused at the insistence of newbies that their case of AS is 'mild'. Riiiiigghht.

I'm happy to have gone through the experience of having been tested, but I realize now that a professional with several years experience with Autistic adults could have easily diagnosed me after a ten minute interview.

Know what you mean.
I think tomorrow I'm receiving my official diagnosis from the psychologist I've been seeing.
The whole process started when another psychologist who is a friend of my mum met me (I'm 23). Both psychologists seemed pretty sure straight away I was an aspie, but no teacher or doctor has ever suspected.
I think the problem is there's a popular stereotype of autism and in the real world there's a great big spectrum and the better we get at pretending to be like everyone else, the more everyone just assumes you're just like everyone else.

I'm going through pretty much the same thing right now. My final meeting for the diagnosis is on monday and I haven't told anyone about it yet -- I'm trying to figure out a good way to bring it up to my Mother, but otherwise it's not exactly their business.

A couple weeks ago, before my diagnosis appointment I was doing the exact same thing. Eventually, after a super awkward conversation with the neuropsychiatrist, I made an appointment and subsequently went to the first diagnosis session bit. I felt much better afterwards, as she asked concise questions and in the end told me the only reason she couldn't give me a diagnosis then and there was because of some test that was necessary for a formal diagnosis. Have to say, I felt a little better there and stopped doubting myself.

What I mean to say is that I'm sure doubting yourself is completely normal. Because not everyone has every AS trait it often feels like you might be just looking at the disorder and projecting yourself unnecessarily. That said, I'm sure things will be a bit clearer and you'll have less to doubt yourself on after the formal visit. I know that's how it worked for me.



(I need to see if I have the diagnosis primarily for aid with University atm, and thus for me it was a rational decision)

Who gave you permission to put words to my thoughts and spell out my exact thought processes...?

Joking aside, the more time I spend on this forum the more I get the feeling we all share the same brain..... Still haven't quite worked out how this would work practically though...

+1
Given our tendency to obsess and the likelihood of knowing someone locally with the same experiences it's really comforting to see you're not alone

Hmm..that would make us all parts of some interconnected alien hive, or...Superbrain...

Yeah, since I've got my diagnosis in 2004 I've constantly doubted it then was sure then doubted it again. I have just finished doubting it, and seem to be sure again.

In my mind, Asperger's suggests that I have few narrowed interests that remain constant and that I have vast knowledge in my interests but this doesnt apply to me at all...

My interests pretty much change like the seasons do...I may spend one week obsessed with a TV show or movie then suddenly I will be obsessed with a music artist the next...

I dont have any real interests in science or mathematics...not to the point where I know everything about it and read up on it constantly.

I really dont know what my obsessions or interests are anymore which sucks cuz I know the ones that do can easily find a way to make a profession out of it. But there's not much for me to do in my case.

Also I have AS friends who seem much more sociable and much more friendlier than me. I use to be sociable and friendly. I have no idea what happened...I may have gotten tired of dealing with the setbacks of AS and now I just cant handle human contact anymore. I feel I've degraded to a lower functioning level of autism because I barely open my mouth for anything.

*Pulls out a daisy & starts pulling off petals*

I am an Aspie..
I'm not an Aspie...
I am an Aspie....

Yeah. Know this feeling. The official criteria seem to leave a lot to be desired... There's so much that isn't contained or described or explained in the formal criteria and definitions...

I keep going through this, too. I'm sure I have it, then I'm not. Then, I think I have it but wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria because I've learned enough coping skills. Then I pull some boneheaded social error that convinces me again. And then I think, what if they say no? Then I'm just a clumsy, lazy, introverted underachiever with no social skills - and no explanation for why. And then I wonder, is there even any point in seeking a diagnosis for something that won't even exist a year from now? What happens to someone with a dx when the dx itself disappears?

Why is this so hard to decide? If I'm having trouble seeing, I go get my eyes examined. If I hurt my arm, I get x-rays to see if it's broken. When I was close to suicide a couple years ago, I checked myself into the hospital to get help. THIS might explain my entire life - why am I so afraid of doing it? I need to know but I don't want to know. WHY IS THIS SO DAMN HARD?

I felt that way before I got my dx. Whenever I read about an Aspie trait I didn't have, or felt like I was doing something that wasn't Aspie-like, I would start doubting I had Asperger's. It didn't help that my family also doubted it. There were times when I felt like I was just being a hypochondriac and that I should give up on the whole thing. Then I'd botch a conversation, realize I couldn't possibly not have Asperger's, and the whole cycle would start over. I'm glad I did eventually decide to get diagnosed; after the official dx I stopped questioning my AS.