I still have doubts. even after an official diagnosis. In part it's because my diagnosis is merely "on the spectrum" with some AS traits and not others. I have such a difficult time that I know there is something fundamentally off with me, so I should be more sure of it, in my gut, that something is amiss.
But it's hard nevertheless not to wonder if I could somehow be trying harder, figuring out how to interact better somehow, but my situation is so limited. I don't have a job because I have chronic fatigue, I know very few people, so I have little opportunity to learn and to try things out. And the thought of getting myself into a new situation is terrifying, and then when I set my mind to doing something I find that I'm too tired to go out and do it. It's a constant, defeating cycle.
When I come here I read about problems that others have and that I don't have, and I feel guilty about it, and yet, at the same time. there are many here who function a lot better than I do. It feels a bit like we're all stuck in a leaky boat and we can't save each other.
04 Oct 2010, 11:41 pm
