I'm tired of being called lazy!

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This means we have the right to actively seek our answers or to actively pursue a job but we do not have the right to have these things provided to us.

Well, the trouble is that it makes other people feel like you're not doing your fair share. IOW, that they are doing extra work that is actually your work, because you are not doing it. And so they resent it -- hence the negative connotation. I suspect it's even an evolved/genetic instinct to look for and resent laziness in others.

Of course, the problem is it is based on people's perceptions which may or may not reflect actual reality. Often, people have incomplete information and fill the gaps with assumptions that may or may not be true (rather than trying to get all the facts). And sometimes the instinct seems to short-circuits people's higher reasoning processes. And, sometimes people ignore facts they know to be true (or deliberately don't check beyond a surface glance) because it gives them a social & ego boost to accuse someone else of being lazy (and make themselves look less lazy). Someone with great social ability (and poor morals) might even be lazy, but shield themselves from the accusation by constantly accusing others of it. I've seen some people who, when they interact with the boss are good at giving an impression of being busy and productive, when they actually are just good at fooling people that way.

(It can get remarkably complicated, as most aspects of human social interaction can.)

I.e. I've heard people complain that people in wheelchairs get "special treatment" by getting the blue parking spaces. The person's instinct to see that someone else is getting something that they aren't is being triggered, but the critical faculty to notice that it isn't a "gift" for being disabled is not. That is, the idea of the blue spaces is to allow disabled people to buy their groceries (and thus not starve), like non-disabled people. "Barrier removal" is different than "special gift for being crippled."

And of course invisible disabilities are likely to run afoul of people's imaginings even more so, due to people assuming too much that they are "putting themselves in the other person's shoes" accurately. (...don't know the person has a heart condition, or is in a lot of pain due to arthritis or fibro, or has sensory (and/or other) overload (good luck trying to explain that to someone in the grocery store checkout line))

And there are all sorts of other levels. It's fascinating in a way: layers and layers of perception/misperception, posturing, envy, class warfare, social-heirarchical-maneuvers/manipulation/politics, etc. (In American politics this is being used a lot, lately.)

I.e. lot of people believe that they are loads of people on SSDI/SSI who are 'faking it.' And so every anecdote about someone's cousin's brother gets believed and the stories are cloned into an army. And then John Stossel secretly videos 3 people faking a disability (and maybe only because he doesn't know that quadraplegia doesn't necessarily mean you can't wiggle your toes), but his network never shows a case of someone needed desperately to be on disability, but can't.

And so the rules regarding SSDI/SSI are made more and more stringent, in a broken feedback loop. I heard someone say once that in their province in Canada the gov't reviewed everyone on disability to root out the cheats. They ended up finding more people who were being under-served than over-served, and actually lost money on that 'bet.'

(Oops, got into a bit of a rant, there. [end of rant])

It does seem as though I use a different definition of lazy than people who use it as an insult. To me it just means that you're willing to do the absolute minimum amount of work that is needed with as little impact on your favored activities as possible. That's just common sense to me, minimise the activities you don't enjoy and maximise those you do enjoy.

That is also my definition, I never use the word 'lazy' as a pejorative. To me, laziness is about being energy efficient. I think what most people disparage as laziness is more a form of energetic selfishness. There's a difference IMO.

Of course, I seem to live in a backward culture that wants everyone to look busy at all times, even if they aren't actually achieving anything of any value. This only adds to the confusion.

Yeah, well there is your contention then. It's called grattitude or appreciation and you clearly do not have it. This is why IMHO it IS so important to make kids go it alone and actually experience hardships. When you are on the street and having to worry where your next meal comes from THEN you start to appreciate the people who are financially backing you and/or supporting you. There are two kinds of people in this world. Givers and takers. Elton John said it perfectly in his song in the Lion King... " Never take more than you give in the circle of life." Way too many people making excuses and being takers in this world. Nothing is stopping you from making a plan but yourself and your excuses. Even if the plan is to make a plan that is a start towards something other than being a victim to all the excuses... If you are a taker (IE: NOT supporting yourself) and you have no grattitude, that is the WORST way of being.

That's one of the many reasons I've had trouble finding and maintaining work, employers generally expect you to look busy at all times and I'm just terrible at finding work that is not directly part of my job description. Even if I do see some mess and a broom next to it the mental step that makes people think "hey, I have nothing to do right now, I should clean this up" doesn't happen with me, I just stand there and wait until I can get back to my work.

That's one of the many reasons I've had trouble finding and maintaining work, employers generally expect you to look busy at all times and I'm just terrible at finding work that is not directly part of my job description. Even if I do see some mess and a broom next to it the mental step that makes people think "hey, I have nothing to do right now, I should clean this up" doesn't happen with me, I just stand there and wait until I can get back to my work.

When I worked at McDonald's as a teenager, the motto was "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean." So no matter how clean the area was, you had to keep cleaning it over and over. This made absolutely no sense to me and I think was a matter of looking busy more than really being busy. It was very strange to have something so irrelevant be part of my job description.

Also: my immediate supervisor was possibly the most legitimately lazy person in the store. I recall arriving at work one day 15 minutes before lunchtime (and my shift started) and no one had done anything to switch over to making lunch. I had to get people to do the procedures while she sat in the breakroom doing who knows what. The rest of the employees were not necessarily at fault as breakfast across the freeway from Ft. Ord was a busy time, and they're not all carefully watching the clock because of said busy-ness.

And yet somehow that day I got a lecture from said supervisor for not doing my job properly. But, the whole job was a mess. I remember hiding in the bathroom to escape sensory overload far too often, and once someone banging on the bathroom door and getting a manager to unlock it because I couldn't answer the knock.

That's one of the many reasons I've had trouble finding and maintaining work, employers generally expect you to look busy at all times and I'm just terrible at finding work that is not directly part of my job description. Even if I do see some mess and a broom next to it the mental step that makes people think "hey, I have nothing to do right now, I should clean this up" doesn't happen with me, I just stand there and wait until I can get back to my work.

I'm tired of being called lazy!

I know what both of you mean. It is true employers expect you to look busy at all times. I believe I have an explanation. There are given moments in which there is nothing to do for an employee(s). From the customer's point of view it looks like the employee(s) is loafing around, being lazy, goofing off, and/or doing nothing. The thing is some people in the world think of multiple possiblities in given situations such as this like coming to the conclusion that there may be nothing to do for the employee or they could be loafing around and goofing off. Employers are trying to cover their tracks for those who do not think in multiple possiblities. Employers want people's business and as many people as possible so as to increase their profit margins. If an employer loses a customer it is hard to get them back and to get others. If a business makes a customer angry the customer will not only not come back but the customer will mouth off to other people.

I believe and I could be wrong but a lot of people go by initial appearance and their initial impressions. I do not think alot of people probe further than that. In addition, some people do not use their words carefully and think through what they say. Some people are prone to exaggerations.

Finally, I bet aspies are having the most problems in the United States of America. I've done research and I've asked questions outside of any autism board. In America, the people here go by a certain set of values. http://www.claremontmckenna.edu/pages/f ... alues.html

One of these values is an internal locust of control, personal responsbility, and control over the enviroment. By what I have read in American society if something bad happens to you it is your fault. You are not to blame any external factor like another person, traffic delay, etc. Honestly, I believe it is a matter of point of view of what is to blame and what is not. I believe alot of people in America take the point of view of having the internal locust of control. Even if it is truly an external entity's fault that something happened to you I believe that by the values of the United States of America it is still your problem, your obstacle, your trial, and your tribulation to over come. I believe we have to quit talking in the language of blame and external locust of control and learn and talk in the language of personal responsibility and internal locust of control.

I believe the first step is to always use "I" statements and never use "you" statements or "global" statements. For example, I said previously "In addition, some people do not use their words carefully and think through what they say." Instead of saying this, I believe it is better to say "I am too precise in the things I say and I have a tendency to be a perfectionist in the things that I do." Finally, I would say "I have a tendency to be very literal minded." I believe we would earn more respect from other people if we at least did this. This is called taking ownership of the problem.

A great analysis of the competitive individualist culture.

I have a problem with taking ownership of a problem that one didn't cause themselves though as "ownership" could also be considered as taking blame. I think taking blame for something that isn't ones fault is ultimately detrimental to ones sense of self-worth and can hamper ones chances of ever finding personal happiness. I think that the truth will ultimately set you free and it is far more useful to take an accurate reading of the causes of a problem (including environmental factors). And if the rest of society doesn't see it that way? At least you still have self-worth and a sense of humour!