I'm tired of being called lazy!

Post Reply New Topic

Sorry for the long post here.

But learning about AS and realizing that its it highly likely that I am on the spectrum has been for me, similar to my first experience with an optometrist. When I put my glasses on in the car and for the first time I could see that trees had leaves. Learning about AS feels so much the same to me. It is just as profound.

I'm a work in progress.

Thank you all for your insight.

I find asking for things painful sometimes. I find it difficult asking for help with stuff all the time.

Would I consider myself lazy?
I work full time and I help with the chores at home. But I tend to think of myself as lazy due to being hard on myself somewhat.

I needlessly qualify many of my statements. I found it cut down on a lot of internet arguments.



I stopped considering myself lazy when I reconsidered how much work I actually put into "succeeding," how limited the results were, and how exhausting the process tended to be. If one of those things had been less true, I think things would have turned out a lot differently for me. I just don't have the energy to consider myself lazy anymore.

Sorry for the long post here.

But learning about AS and realizing that its it highly likely that I am on the spectrum has been for me, similar to my first experience with an optometrist. When I put my glasses on in the car and for the first time I could see that trees had leaves. Learning about AS feels so much the same to me. It is just as profound.

I'm a work in progress.

Thank you all for your insight.

I get up late but go to bed late as well, the morning is my night.Yesterday I went to bed at 7:30AM and got up at 1:50PM.

I have a question; what's bad about being lazy?

This is an honest question, I can't think of anything.

There isn't anything bad with it, It's just another way of being. It's freedom to be what you are.

Then why is there such a stigma to it?

People are conditioned to believe everyone should be busy unless they are sleeping. Technology is supposed to alleviate us and give us time to be lazy. That's the point of it.

There are people out there who don't want to work and want to mooch off the system or mooch off others. They use other people as their meal tickets and don't want any responsibilities for themselves.

Also there are people out there who are inconsiderate and won't pick up after themselves or keep the bathroom clean for others by cleaning up after themselves in there. Same as not bringing their dirty dishes to the kitchen and they throw their trash all over and don't throw it away. They don't give a s**t about their room mates or family (whoever they live with) because it's all about them. They don't want to pick up after themselves. They don't want to do it when they are told to.

And that is why lazy has such a bad stigma.

That's not the kind of lazy I am talking about, lol. I clean up after myself and all that. To me, lazy is not working hard. I mean, who works hard these days? Some do, but many do not. 150 years ago, your average, cushy, modern job of sitting at a desk in front of a computer screen was considered lazy. You aren't plowing the field with oxen and a plough. Now, that was hard work.
People have gotten lazier and you can thank technology for that. Do they ride bikes? No, they drive cars. It's a version of laziness, that. People are walking less and less, too. They used to walk all the time, they had no choice. People have gotten lazier and lazier in developed countries, it's a fact. Is it good or is it bad? It all depends on your perspective. If it's so bad, then why invent and utilize the technology? People, generally, crave a lazy lifestyle, otherwise they would still be out in the fields ploughing and hitching up the team.

We have gotten more lazier as years went by

We have came up with ideas to make our lives easier. Who wants to ride wagons and take us all day to go eight miles to town or take six months to travel to Oregon from Nebraska?

And I always say everyone is lazy.

A lot of this can also be the result of particular conditions, like depression, PTSD, ADHD, autistic spectrum disorders, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, and others, which is to say actually being able to pick up after themselves is more effort than it is for other people. Doesn't mean it's a good thing, but there may not be any actual laziness behind it. Admittedly, many choose to believe that there is anyway.

And I'm not arguing that people shouldn't seek treatment, although given how long it took me to work out I really had depression, ADHD, and AS and needed treatment and assistance, I would be surprised if many people who have these things necessarily realize what the problem is.

What I know is, if I ever end up living with someone who seems unable to manage their clutter, I will probably try to suggest they get help rather than condemn them for moral failings.

Well, the trouble is that it makes other people feel like you're not doing your fair share. IOW, that they are doing extra work that is actually your work, because you are not doing it. And so they resent it -- hence the negative connotation. I suspect it's even an evolved/genetic instinct to look for and resent laziness in others.

Of course, the problem is it is based on people's perceptions which may or may not reflect actual reality. Often, people have incomplete information and fill the gaps with assumptions that may or may not be true (rather than trying to get all the facts). And sometimes the instinct seems to short-circuits people's higher reasoning processes. And, sometimes people ignore facts they know to be true (or deliberately don't check beyond a surface glance) because it gives them a social & ego boost to accuse someone else of being lazy (and make themselves look less lazy). Someone with great social ability (and poor morals) might even be lazy, but shield themselves from the accusation by constantly accusing others of it. I've seen some people who, when they interact with the boss are good at giving an impression of being busy and productive, when they actually are just good at fooling people that way.

(It can get remarkably complicated, as most aspects of human social interaction can.)

I.e. I've heard people complain that people in wheelchairs get "special treatment" by getting the blue parking spaces. The person's instinct to see that someone else is getting something that they aren't is being triggered, but the critical faculty to notice that it isn't a "gift" for being disabled is not. That is, the idea of the blue spaces is to allow disabled people to buy their groceries (and thus not starve), like non-disabled people. "Barrier removal" is different than "special gift for being crippled."

And of course invisible disabilities are likely to run afoul of people's imaginings even more so, due to people assuming too much that they are "putting themselves in the other person's shoes" accurately. (...don't know the person has a heart condition, or is in a lot of pain due to arthritis or fibro, or has sensory (and/or other) overload (good luck trying to explain that to someone in the grocery store checkout line))

And there are all sorts of other levels. It's fascinating in a way: layers and layers of perception/misperception, posturing, envy, class warfare, social-heirarchical-maneuvers/manipulation/politics, etc. (In American politics this is being used a lot, lately.)

I.e. lot of people believe that they are loads of people on SSDI/SSI who are 'faking it.' And so every anecdote about someone's cousin's brother gets believed and the stories are cloned into an army. And then John Stossel secretly videos 3 people faking a disability (and maybe only because he doesn't know that quadraplegia doesn't necessarily mean you can't wiggle your toes), but his network never shows a case of someone needed desperately to be on disability, but can't.

And so the rules regarding SSDI/SSI are made more and more stringent, in a broken feedback loop. I heard someone say once that in their province in Canada the gov't reviewed everyone on disability to root out the cheats. They ended up finding more people who were being under-served than over-served, and actually lost money on that 'bet.'

(Oops, got into a bit of a rant, there. [end of rant])

This is what I believe would help me and others as well. Instead of calling someone selfish or lazy I believe it would help if people were given more specifics. If I'm doing something wrong I would like to know what I'm doing wrong so I can correct.

Kfisherx, I feel that I have information missing. I believe what would help me is a general guide to living in america, a discussion about its instutitions like banking, education, employment and how all of these instutions interrelate. If I had this book I believe I can take off. I would love this book to be able to discuss the values of America as well and discuss them. I would love for this book to discuss things like "sense of entitlement", laziness, etc and what they are and why they are so bad. Do you have a recommendation for a book I could buy? I've already been researching the internet on some of these things.

If there is no book, I believe one of the best things we can do is do research. We have the internet my friends. Instead of asking people so many questions let's use this research tool. The honest truth and I've found out the hard way is we're not even owed any answers to our questions that we ask. If one person refuses to answer, I say move on. Don't get angry, don't whine, don't pout and don't do anything that projects any negativity at all. We can either ask someone else or let's find alternative means to obtain our answers. I believe alot of our answers may be out there and have been discussed on discussion boards and other places on the internet. Let's find them.

This is what I found out so far after reading about the founding fathers of America, the constitution, and our inalienable rights. From what I have researched I believe there are two types of rights that people are trying to claim today. One is a right to things another has to produce or do for you at gunpoint. The person who has to do it for you or produce for you essentially becomes your slave. This is one reason why a sense of entitlement is so bad. The second one is a right in which are intrinstic to us. They are inborn and innate and they existed before any government existed. All someone can do is take these rights away. They can't be produced or manufactured. We have the right to pursue happiness is one of our rights. This means we have the right to actively seek our answers or to actively pursue a job but we do not have the right to have these things provided to us. Others can choose to do these things for you out of the kindness of their hearts and you can choose to do some of these things for others out of the kindness of our hearts. They don't have to do anything for you and you don't have to do anything for them.

I believe we have to alter our thinking patterns here, ditch our sense of entitlement, and learn the language of greatfulness and responsiblity. One of the things that I am learning is never use you or global statements. Use "I" statements. I'm teaching myself. Everyone, be greatful Kfisherx is discussing these things at all. She is doing it out of the kindness of her heart.

In general, I'm a negative person and I see flaws everywhere. I see the flaws, the foolishness, and folly of having a sense of entitlement. I'm ditching mine. I'm going to be greatful for what I do have.

There is an argument out there which compares autistics and aspies to foreigners who do not want to assimilate to the prevailing culture and we behave exactly like these foreigners. I will accept the given axiom that no one owes us anything. I will accept that the dominant culture does not want to change for us and will not. I believe it would be unreasonable to force them to do so. I will accept it's their way or the highway.

This argument comparing aspies and autistics to foreigners is flawed and has a hole. Where exactly did aspies and autistics come from? Where exactly is our country of origin? All of the world's surface is owned by different societies. Anywhere we went we would have to adjust to their ways. Where exactly is the highway for us?