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monsterland
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01 Aug 2010, 10:43 pm

At the age 25 I moved out of my parents' house. At the age of 29 I had a bit of a breakdown, and moved into an apartment inside a new, bigger house - also theirs. Now I am 33. At my current age, by American standards, it is highly embarassing to be living with my family.

Nobody cares that I have years of experience living on my own. Though I hold a decent-paying job and pay rent, the keyphrase is "living in the same house as his parents". It gets me down. I know I will not be able to start a meaningful relationship with this stigma on my back.

Also, I've NOT learned to be completely transparent to my parents' (and sister's) judgement fields, and those fields are heavy.

On the days when I spend any significant time inside this house, I feel suffocated and blue. Weekends, are, by far, the darkest days.

* * *

So today I went to meet some people I never met before, to practice martial arts in the park. Hope to see them next Sunday. Tomorrow I'm going to see a horror movie with some OTHER people I never met before. All from Meetup.com .

These aren't my first attempts to GET A LIFE by far, and I know how most of them end, but I am desperate. Hoping to succeed this time. Hoping to fill my life with stuff that makes me go out of the house.



LabPet
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01 Aug 2010, 11:34 pm

Well, I don't judge you. AS is an "invisible" difference and others truly have no clue the difficulties you've undergone and how much you've done.

As a general observation, how peculiar that if one has a condition/disease/disorder, such as cerebral palsy w/ complications or a serious injury under recooperation, people are MUCH MORE forgiving/understanding of the time and sacrifices to be well and thrive. Plus, ASD individuals have a longer neurological development and that ought to be taken into account. For instance, for (young) adults my age, I have a jagged maturation level; in plenty of ways I am far ahead in terms of experience and perspective but at the same time can be quite child-like. I know this is often missed, or worse, misinterpreted as something else.

Another thing......I have a very conservative/immaculate lifestyle (i.e., I don't 'go out' no drinking/smoking, etc - and no need/want to do these things). BUT, at the same time, I've encountered drug addicts, alcoholics, even law offenders, who are given FAR more slack than any Aspie!

I am painfully hard on myself but maybe you shouldn't be so harsh on yourself. If others are being judgmental it's because they truly don't know. One reason I like Aspies is because they aren't judgmental in this way.

So, if you've had a slower-time don't feel badly; you are trying very hard. I hope soon you'll find your own place. Then much better. In the meantime, enjoy your horror movie tomorrow night with friends. :)


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monsterland
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01 Aug 2010, 11:51 pm

Thanks, LabPet :)

Yeah, none of my relatives are seriously willing to consider AS or related disorder, though it is clear that I got it from my father.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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01 Aug 2010, 11:58 pm

As far as your sister's judgments, that might change as soon as one or both of your parents have a heart attack or stroke or whatnot. IOW, if you're the only one there to pick them up up off the floor and drive them to the hospital (and maybe pick up their meds at the pharmacy later, and talk to the doctors because the other parents is busy at work or too exhausted or whatever (sick people in the family can be a lot of work)) and save their life.

Not having siblings it's hard for me to really know, but it seems like when people get wind of a caretaker-type role, they (in my limited experience; I don't talk to people much) shut up about judgments about living with parents. I suspect it's due to guilt, because they plan to never be around to do what you did.

OTOH, there is a risk of getting stuck being an actual caretaker. Right now, I don't mind too much (there's not really a lot I need to do at this point), and I'm never going back to grad school or working again, anyway.

Buy anyway, peoples' judgments about living with parents (in the USA at least) does indeed suck, yeah.



Chronos
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02 Aug 2010, 12:43 am

It is quite nice to see a positive post on here.

I wish you well in your social endeavors.

On another note, I see nothing wrong with a man your age living at home if it is not for lack of ambition.



monsterland
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02 Aug 2010, 2:28 am

@Apple: That is certainly an interesting take on things. I hope my parents maintain a healthy lifestyle, though my sister is actually capable of taking care of emergencies. But I already handled some, too - related to grandparents.

The kicker is that my rent was paying a large part of my sister's college tuition.

@Chronos: Thanks, I guess the post was somewhat positive ;)



monsterland
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03 Aug 2010, 12:08 am

Welp, the movie was horrible, the people were not friend material, but at least I was outside the house.



MissConstrue
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03 Aug 2010, 12:15 am

I don't know where you live in the U.S. but the standards here in my state are hard financially. I know many family members who haven't been able to move away from their families due to finanicial problems.

IMO human beings have the habit of being ignorant to that which they don't know. I still see a lot of it and it's hard. My only hope for you is to be happy with yourself. I think it's very hard for many of us especially with the way the economy is now. I really think true friends including relationships are worth it the more authentic you get to be.

Just stay strong and try not to be so hard on yourself. Believe me, you're doing better than A LOT of people.


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monsterland
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03 Aug 2010, 4:48 am

Thanks MissConstrue... the economy does seem to give me an excuse.