NT Small Talk

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Just for a laugh, an Aspie friend and I decided to write e-mails to each other filled with our impression of "small talk". I started out with "how are you? I am fine". Then I went on to talk about the weather. Then I mentioned that Jennifer Aniston is now telling all about how Brad Pitt was stolen from her; (I know about this because I happened to see the headline on a magazine, while standing in the checkout at the grocery store. Of course, I hadn't read the article, so that was all I could say about it). Then I mentioned that often I hear people talking about furniture and furniture stores, but- even though I do own furniture- I don't really know what one would say about it, or how to have a whole conversation about furniture. And that was as far as I got! I realize I'm not very observant of actual small talk, as I guess I have the tendency to "zone out" when these types of subjects come up.

So just for the heck of it, what are your "pet peeve" small talk subjects?

I don't know about subject, but I hate when people ask "How are you?" I've learned that they don't want the truth. It's just a conversation starter.

Really? Why ask such a loaded question if you aren't interested in the truth?

I don't get it. :-\

Many NTs hate that too!
People will say "Hows it going" while walking past you at speed, you can hardly say "well actually not so good, and here's why".

I've never met a NT that hated the question itself.

What I hate the most is the obligation to say "bless you" after a sneeze.

First I'm not religious, and second its just plain pointless.

I've had NTs give me a nasty "thank you" when I remained silent after they sneezed.

All small talk is annoying to me, always has been.
My standard reply to "How are you?" is "Fine" or "Can't complain". Note the lack of "thank you" or a return question? It leaves the conversation dead in the water, a result of my social off-ness that is unintentional but not unwanted most of the time.

Sometimes I do try to understand the dynamics of small talk, but then I get bored and my mind wanders...

That's pathetic.

I stopped trying to involve in any small talk - since it's pointless, boring and irrelevant to me. I have no need for self disclosure nor do I want to know what x did/say to y (who are they anyway??) - especially some gossip/celebrity/weather/who gave birth to whom/how z lost/gain weight/what they ate/want to eat stories.

You know, I'm as impatient as any Aspergian with the standard neurotypical knee-jerk need to blather on about things that seem so inconsequential to me they don't deserve mention. The neurotypical customs of the culture are by and large pointless.

However, that said, I understand the meaning of the phrase 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do'.

I'm sick of seeing posts about "Nobody likes me, nobody wants to know me, I can't make friends, I can't get a girlfriend, yada yada yada. You want to be accepted or even tolerated, stop p*ssing on the shoes of the natives. This is who they are, its their culture, you are the outsider and even if you don't particularly think much of their customs, if you don't want to be persecuted for your differences, keep it to yourself.

If you know from years of experience within the culture that 'Gesundheit' is the appropriate response to a sneeze, then don't be an @ssh*le and sneer at the sneezer or you will be treated like a d*ck, because you are.

I hate Hate HATE when people talk about their medical issues.

"Remember I told you about that scaly patch I had on my thigh? [Altogether too well, unfortunately.] WeIl I have to go in for some more tests because my doctor thinks it might be a case of severe butt-rot and... [Just shoot me now. Please, even.]"

Or worse, when they then expect you to tell them about your medical issues. JUST SHUT UP, ALREADY! It's like you've bent the whole ear and now it's falling off!

YES! Women especially have a need to talk about their pregnancies and intimate problems.. in detail.. sometimes while eating - and see nothing wrong with it.
I don't have a problem with the weather or "How are you?" The weather is easy to talk about as long as I remember not to go into too much detail or talk about weather in other countries, and "How are you?" I've learned that if you answer "fine, how are you?" they tend to leave you alone quicker.
I hate when they talk about celebrities and tv shows/movies/sports - I'm almost always out of the loop so I get lost even quicker than usual.


Gesundheit means "health" so it's a good secular alternative.. though the custom dates back to people thinking sneezes invite demons into your nose, so you could say something like "I hope your sneeze doesn't invite any particularly bad demons into your nostrils," but that would probably get weird looks.

If we were in Tibet a sneeze would signify a moment of "clear consciousness," when people are supposed to be open to a greater understanding (whatever that is) rather than fighting imaginary beings.

Luckily in my native language it bears reference only to health, and it has no invocations of gods, spirits, genies, witches, fairies, magic turtles or expansion of consciousness.

We had a teacher who would always say "damn you" when anybody sneezed. But teachers were powerful in those days, I don't recommend it in normal social circles unless you know they can take a joke of that sardonic kind.

Small talk always has bored me, though not so much now that I see it as part of the ritual system by which the Earthlings live. It's a safe area of gobbledegook just to get the communication channels warmed up, to get you used to talking with each other. It allows you to weigh each other up to some extent, and if all seems well then one of you will try taking things a little deeper.

I have to confess I still don't like it much and tend not to bother a lot with it, even though I understand its social importance. I'm usually in too much of a hurry to get to the deeper stuff. Even the "name, rank and serial number" stuff ("hi, my name's ZZZ, I'm a frog curator with Y children and an interest in Martian cricket shoes") goes in one ear and out of the other, though I know they won't be happy if I don't take it in. Often I'd rather not hear it so that I have an excuse for not knowing.

Sometimes people bypass the small talk though. You might be at a gathering where the people around you have the same problem as you (like if you can't find the place you're going to), and you'll automatically join forces to solve it together. Or if there's a job to do, or you might see something and compare your reactions to it. I've played good music with people I've known almost nothing about. It's all trust games really.....they don't prove the person will never let you down, but they usually make you feel like taking more chances with them, as you see that they're really very much like you. I once heard of a designed trust game in which blindfolded people were guided safely down a flight of stairs by people without blindfolds. I guess if you do that, you'll be getting an answer to the question "is my well-being safe in this person's hands?" Probably quite an important question when choosing who to hang out with.

Now you have. Nice to meet you

It really annoys me. I don't want to be blessed and I'm not going to do it to anyone else, in fact until I read this thread it had never crossed my mind that I was expected to.

I sneeze violently when I come in contact with perfumes etc, and usually two or three times, with a pause in between, before I manage to retreat to a safe distance. So the whole thing becomes a silly pantomime.

Sneeze, Bless you, instant (irrational) irritation backing off knowing another one's coming, Sneeze, Bless you, Argh!, Sneeze, Bless you - other person embarrassed, probably because they are getting glared at. A couple more sneezes, Are you ok?, Oh yes, it's just your perfume gets up my nose, so I can't get too close. Embarrassment all round.

Nice to meet you, too.

Agreed. Once you get to know someone better, they learn to accept this kind of thing.