NT Small Talk

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AHHHH pet peeve... When people pass you quickly while asking " How's it going" or "Sup/ What's up?" First, it takes me a second to recognize who they are, second of all, by the time I have an answer, they have passed. But I suppose most people ask that out of politeness but don't really care what your answer is. I still get bothered by the vagueness/weirdness of the questions "What's up?" and have to refrain from giving an equally weird or smart-ass answer.

I always give a smart-ass answer for the question "What's up?" I can't help it. It's such a stupid question.

"What have you been up to?" is a standard NT line and they want answers of a very specific type eg "Oh we just got back from holiday - we went cruising round the Caribbean" - this would impress them but you'd then have to maintain this impossibly high level of 'impressiveness' by talking up the whole holiday as if it was some newspaper travel review. NT's want to be impressed all the time and if your smug, enthusiastic tone wavers for one second, you'll have lost them.

I find the pressure of small talk totally horrific; it can contain nothing of substance and yet it has to impress by default - it's like some kind of impossible feat, like the mental equivalent of climbing Everest!

I never knew there was an acceptable and unacceptable answer to this question.

Well in my experience I've never been able to come up with the goods. They want to hear about lots of impressive social acitivities.. I once told this woman I was going on holiday and she said "Well say it with a bit more enthusiasm!" Imagine that! " Sorry, your tone is not of the required enthusiasm level and you are therefore evidently a complete loser who I want nothing more to do with!" I was relieved never to have to talk to her again!

This definitely explains why people stop talking to me when I say "Not much" or talk about a quiet evening at home.

With NTs it's all about giving 'the required answer'; even if it's a lie or a horrific cliche.

A non-standard answer will just make them look for someone more generic like themselves to talk to.

Not all NTs are like that...

Okay, most NTs thrive on small talk and they're naturally good at it, but some of my NT friends have agreed with me on the pointlessness of asking people how they are and expecting a short answer which is probably a lie.

Asking people 'how are you?' is just a conversation filler really. It just helps to cut out those small silences that many typical people, sadly, find awkward.

What's wrong with silence? Are they afraid to be alone with their own thoughts?

The that typical people seem to like asking me, is “What's new?” There isn't anything new, that's going on, in my life.

I usually say ok, great or good then i follow that up with "and you".

If someone asks me how are you, I just say "fine". Works like a charm.

My standard response is something like "Perpendicular to the ground." People tend to find it funny, but I see it as a honest response that people can accept if they only want surface contact, or inquire on if they really want to talk. I use "alive" or briefer versions around people who might not know what perpendicular means, out of courtesy. (I'm learning!)


Ugh, this has been so difficult for me lately. My nineteen-year-old cousin's eighteen-year-old girlfriend was pregnant recently, and would post ON FACEBOOK about how dilated she was, and pictures of the birthing (nothing really specific - at least that I noticed - but... ugh.) Whyyyyyy.

As a mother of two, I can say that I am guilty of talking about my pregnancies, births, and my children as they grow. In fact, my facebook statuses are usually something one of my kids said that I found funny.

Why do women talk about this? Because that's our world. A pregnant woman has a hard time relating to much else. A woman in labor is in pain and vying for support because she's about to push a watermelon out of a mouse hole. Even when you've been through it before, that s**t is scary.

This, mainly because I don't feel like going into detail about my daily life. Though I never realized before this thread that people don't expect an actual in-depth answer.

lol, agreed.

no book / therapy session / thoughtful analysis is going to tell me what the look in someone's eyes means - and i'm not going to waste my time on it, nor trying to understand what someone really wants when asking "how are you?" .. seeing it like being a tourist consulting a mental phrase book throughout "small talk" conversation - but when someone sneezes, dumb or not, (if i am paying attention and even hear them at all) saying a simple "bless you" can be tolerated.

similarly (though i understand some might find this far more offputting) when someone goes to hug me, i'd rather let them (uncomfortable with it though i am) than make a scene.

but Morgana, i think it would be hilarious to read your emails.

and personally, i like to talk about furniture and also, sometimes, the weather ..

and on the sneeze topic, i knew someone once who would say (assuming the person covered their face) "good catch!"



"it's a preposition" i say ..