Apparentlt there was a wrong answer

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

MrEGuy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 231

04 Aug 2010, 8:40 pm

An approximation of a conversation I had today with a female of interest:

Her: Well, what are you looking for? Are you just looking for "fun" (emphasis in the original)? Or are you looking for a relationship with fun as a bonus? There's no wrong answer. (Emphasis added.) I just want to know if we're looking at this the same way.

My exceedingly f*****g dumb answer considering I could hear the springs in the bear trap squeaking as she set it: I'm not looking for a LTR as goal in itself. If one happens, yes, I'm open to that. I don't know if you're The One, but I'd like to find out. And if in the meantime some fun can be had, yes I'd like to have some fun.

And she broke it off then and there. No wrong answer, of course.

I throw that out there to expand the aspie data set for the segment of data covering, "You can never say the right thing, so shut up before you get stuck jerking off tonight."

I totally knew there was a wrong answer. I f*****g knew it. And, yes, the half bottle of Jim Beam may not have facilitated the right answer, but previous bottles of scotch and bourbon have in fact facilitated sexual contact with multiple women. So, ya know . . . You dance with who brung ya. And if I'm talking tales of sex and "where do you see this relationship going", it's pretty goddamned good bet a brown fluid with some alcoholic content may have been involved.

It's a case study. Lessons learned are several:

1. There is a wrong answer.
2. You know there is a wrong answer.
3. She's f****n' lying her ass off when she says there isn't a wrong answer.
4. Admiral f*****g Akbar could see it's a trap. In fact, it's a f*****g Death Star.
5. You know it's a trap, you walk into the trap, and you are absolutely certain that if you can just gnaw your leg off quickly enough there might be enough blood left in your body for one bout of sex before you pass out.
6. If the concepts of "fun" and "relationship" appear in the same paragraph, focus on the word "relationship". Lie if the needs arises (as it doubtlessly will). She's lying. People lie all the time: how do you think we got such a surplus of naked mutant apes on this planet?!

I offer my experience as the basis for others to not repeat my mistake.



KaiG
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,045
Location: Berkshire, UK.

04 Aug 2010, 8:47 pm

Your answer sounds reasonable to me, and I don't think you should have to curtail the free expression of your own opinions just because you want what she's offering. In my opinion, you got out of this thing with your dignity, and if you'd merely said what you knew she wanted to hear you'd have forfeited it.


_________________
If songs were lines in a conversation, the situation would be fine.


Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

04 Aug 2010, 8:49 pm

That was a stupid question. I wouldn't even want to be with someone who'd pull that s**t for any reason other than "fun" and even then idk might be more harm than good.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

04 Aug 2010, 9:29 pm

If someone says "Theres no wrong answer" All they mean is to be honest because they don't want you to pretend or lie about what you want to try and get in with them.

She did not mean it as in "Whatever you want is fine with me, i'll date you regardless".



MrEGuy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 231

04 Aug 2010, 10:45 pm

I don't expect anyone to date me regardless. But, to cut things off the second you don't the answer you want is a bit lame.

And, frankly, as an aspie, I've spent my whole life utterly convinced there isn't a right answer. Especially when it comes to women. Women basically make you run a gauntlet of bullshit that only a committed liar can get through. That bothers me a lot.



Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

04 Aug 2010, 11:04 pm

As they say, "nice guys finish last". I'd have been with at least twice as many women if I was to resort to dishonest methods. If you want the right answer you have to do what you think is wrong.


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


Surya
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 437

04 Aug 2010, 11:40 pm

Pistonhead wrote:
That was a stupid question. I wouldn't even want to be with someone who'd pull that sh** for any reason other than "fun" and even then idk might be more harm than good.


Yes it was and I would have failed it as well..
but because my first response when I read it was not thinking fun=sex.. because sex=sex
fun= hanging out and doing something each enjoy or want to try

People complain that they do not understand me when I am explaining something
or I use a word they do not know..

But I think I am know starting to understand why people think I am rude, hitting on them, coarse, a b***h and a twat
And why I do not understand what most are saying
and could be why I have had relationships with 2 dx Aspies and maybe others were as well..
They spoke and understood the English language.

Sorry, but in no definition of 'fun' will you find that it means 'sex'. Look up the word shoes, it does not mean 'attracted to someone'.

MrEGuy wrote:
I don't expect anyone to date me regardless. But, to cut things off the second you don't the answer you want is a bit lame.

And, frankly, as an aspie, I've spent my whole life utterly convinced there isn't a right answer. Especially when it comes to women. Women basically make you run a gauntlet of bullshit that only a committed liar can get through. That bothers me a lot.


Dude, seriously you are sounding a bit, like the women I know that complain about men being superficial.
I highly doubt that helps.
But for what it is worth, I kind of agree with you on some points.



Surya
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2010
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 437

04 Aug 2010, 11:49 pm

Pistonhead wrote:
As they say, "nice guys finish last". I'd have been with at least twice as many women if I was to resort to dishonest methods. If you want the right answer you have to do what you think is wrong.


Oh great.. so everyone keeps doing the weird 'shoe' thing.

If someone said to you what do you want, children or no children? and you wanted no children but said yes to children and they got knocked up
would you be happy about it?



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

05 Aug 2010, 2:01 am

Was this on a dating site? Because if you don't fit what they want there theres no need to keep talking.



BigK
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jan 2008
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 447

05 Aug 2010, 5:22 am

It was the right answer. You just don't like the consequences.

It is only the wrong answer if your goal was to lie to get to get fun and free sex.

If that is your game then you need to be a bit more cold and cynical about it

Otherwise you are better off looking for someone who thinks the way that you do.
That way you can have all the fun, sex, good times you like with out worrying that your partner wants you married with kids within the year.


_________________
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door," he used to say. "You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.

"How can it not know what it is?"


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

05 Aug 2010, 7:21 am

BigK wrote:
It was the right answer. You just don't like the consequences.

It is only the wrong answer if your goal was to lie to get to get fun and free sex.


:thumright: :thumright: :thumright:



Janissy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,508
Location: x

05 Aug 2010, 8:16 am

hale_bopp wrote:
If someone says "Theres no wrong answer" All they mean is to be honest because they don't want you to pretend or lie about what you want to try and get in with them.

She did not mean it as in "Whatever you want is fine with me, i'll date you regardless".


Exactly!



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,016

05 Aug 2010, 8:54 am

The hell was wrong with your answer? Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.



billsmithglendale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Dec 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,223

05 Aug 2010, 10:19 am

If it makes you feel any better, #4 was hilarious.

Seriously though, I don't think you really messed up. You had a pretty diplomatic answer, and she took it the wrong way. If anything, you both just saved yourself a lot of grief. People who don't get together have that happen for a reason -- they aren't right for each other.



MrEGuy
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 231

07 Aug 2010, 12:11 am

BigK wrote:
It was the right answer. You just don't like the consequences.


I won't necessarily deny that. I did finally talk to her a bit (online this time), and she said she needed to think about it.

The thing I've hated over a lifetime is that I'm very good at getting far enough along with women to go into some sort of weird phase that usually involves some variant of "OK, now that we know each, let me throw out some random f****d up existential question that doesn't have a real answer".

I have a real pattern of this s**t. I remember a relationship that ended because the first night the girl decided to sleep the night with me, I got up at 5am and left to get some breakfast. Left a note and everything. Apparently this was some form of abandonment, because her very first question when she woke up at like 11am was "Why weren't you there?"

That'll teach me to get hungry.

Women would be a bit happier if they didn't lay minefields of unanswerable questions and situations around themselves and invite guys to cross. I never understood what benefit there can possibly be in practically begging a guy to lie his ass off and be overly clingy. It confuses the hell out of me, because frankly there's no upside in it.