You ever feel like you might be a gay man in a woman's body?

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StoneRobot
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16 May 2011, 8:51 pm

I used to feel like this a lot. It started when I was a teenager; I had a hard time relating to things that women were supposed to do and want, and felt much more at ease spending time around guys. Had serious jealousy issues over the male body, too. I felt like I was both genders and would probably be comfortable either way; at the same time, when I started exposing myself to that kind of thing, a gay male relationship was much more appealing to me than a straight relationship. Also, frequently when I watched a film about one or more gay men I had the strange feeling that I was one of them, rather than just a straight woman finding it interesting.

It's no coincidence that, a few months after I started watching movies about gay men, I came out as transgender.

Not everyone who is assigned female and feels masculine is necessarily transgender, of course, but it's worth checking into for anyone who feels that way. Realizing that I was transgender helped me in a lot of ways, easing some of my social discomfort, giving me a little boost of courage, and most importantly making certain things about my life make sense for the first time. It isn't all sunshine and roses, of course; realizing that I was trans was also a point of no return after which I couldn't make myself pretend I was any kind of a woman, and being expected to fill that role for months on end is very frustrating. But it gave me answers, and it unlocked possibilities to make myself happier in the long run.

Some sites that helped me a lot in the beginning were:

All Mixed Up (some useful essays and observations about being transgender)
Gianna E. Israel Gender Library (more useful essays and observations)
Hudson's FTM Guide (if you come to realize that you are trans masculine, this is a good place to start)

Being transgender is a challenge, of course; it's not something that you can just decide you are and coast your way through. In my case, I've been through a lot of points where if there was any way humanly possible that I could stop being trans, I would have.

If you do decide you're trans, or are even considering it, there are a few points to consider:

1: No one except for you can "know" if you are transgender. Your family will undoubtedly try to throw in their opinion if/when you decide to share with them. They will probably assume that they know you better than you do, because they've been observing you all these years and "know what you're like" - that's nonsense. Firstly, they are not you, and secondly, if you're anything like me you would have been hiding the majority of your transgender feelings and behavior from them anyway, so what do they know?
2: You are never "too feminine" to be a trans guy. Seriously, what kind of society raises a trans boy to be as feminine as possible in order to survive, then when he actually does it decides he isn't really trans? It's nonsense. Even if you're naturally feminine, it's nonsense. If the fact that I played with Barbie dolls and My Little Ponies and watched as a kid is proof that I'm a girl, then the fact that I also played with He-Man action figures (I even have my own Orko!) and demanded blue dinosaur shorts is proof that I'm a guy. It's not.
3: Likewise, having a "perfect" feminine figure does not mean that you're destined to be a girl any more than having a uterus does. And if anyone you know tries to give you flak for "ruining" it, remind them that your body exists for your use, and not someone else.

By the way, I'm a legally ordained minister with the First Church of Atheism, so if you think it might help you can tell your parents that you were advised by a priest. (You might want to leave out the church name, though.)

I hope this helps.



puddingmouse
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17 May 2011, 2:43 pm

StoneRobot wrote:

By the way, I'm a legally ordained minister with the First Church of Atheism, so if you think it might help you can tell your parents that you were advised by a priest. (You might want to leave out the church name, though.)

:lol: :lol:


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Joker
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18 May 2011, 7:35 pm

Seanmw wrote:
Peko wrote:
Seanmw wrote:
Peko wrote:
MONIQUEIJ wrote:
yup i do. i even ask my bf , if i get a sex change are would we still get marry, he said no. lol


If I ever have a boyfriend I might ask him that for kicks...

Personally I sometimes feel male but would never want a penis.


really? you're totally missing out. Being able to pee where ever you want is awesome :lol:

i do wish testicle were on the inside though like ovaries where they'd be protected. Being kicked in the balls sucks :doh:


Okay, I'll give you the peeing thing... but for some reason almost every guy I've met has let their genitals control their brains :roll:. Though I sometimes feel weird about my gender (I have felt like a guy occasionally, but more so as a kid) I like having more control than my brother.
it's not the organ that controls our brains, it's the ungodly amount of testosterone and hormones that it's causing to be pumped into our system.
Imagine your bloodstream being saturated in 2 about gallons of testosterone and what that would do to your sex drive and consequently your mind :P .
Although hormone levels still vary from guy to guy so some guys end up sex addicts and some guys end up asexual. and alot end up somewhere in between with varying strengths of sexual urges. What's a poor man to do :shrug: ?


I couldnt agree more btw you are cute as can be :wink:



PokeyLaLa
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23 May 2011, 2:28 am

if by gay you mean still attracted to men but otherwise the brain of a male i feel exactly like this. i prefer guys because they are more predictable and logical than girls. i hate when girls expect you to read their mind and they always have over active emotion. i like guys and i think i think like a guy. in my dreams i am often male or genderless. the times that i have been in a relationship my friends joke always saying that i am the "man in the relationship"

basically i think i have the mind of a man but the sexual urges of a female which makes sense because physiologically i am.

on the off topic subject of peeing that someone brought up, with practice a girl can easily pee outside standing up.



mb1984
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09 Jun 2011, 6:59 pm

I absolutely feel like a gay man in a woman's body. Thankfully I have a husband who is attracted to women's bodies, but doesn't enjoy the company of most women. He is also fully supportive and understanding about my gender issues.

I don't know how many of you have heard of, or use, a FUD (female urination device). The Go-Girl is the best one I have found, and they are great for camping, public restrooms, or even all the time if you want. They help for the "standing up to pee" issue as well.

I saw a few posts back someone mentioned facial and body hair growth on a female, similar to a man's. I also experience this, I had created a post about it on the Women's Board. If I don't remove my hair, I grow whiskers on my entire neck, chin and jawline, and up my sideburns. I have hairier than average (for a female) arms and legs and I also grow it across my abdomen, around my nipples, and in the middle of my chest. I look fairly androgenous to begin with and all the hair doesn't help. I don't actually mind growing the hair, I just mind being noticed for it. I like being invisible.


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mb1984
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09 Jun 2011, 7:08 pm

ediself wrote:
i've always felt this way. my husband noticed it soon after we met, too, and he often jokes that i am his husband with boobs.
i wondered if i was gay or bi before knowing about AS, i still feel sort of bi at times, but i'm married and not acting on it.
it's a strange feeling, to be a man living the life of a stay at home mum.


This is what my husband and I say about me too.


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Imapanda
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12 Jun 2011, 12:22 am

I have many female friends online who are the same way, although nerdy and having strange obsessions with yaoi, they say they wish they were male in various ways.



sdsf
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20 Aug 2011, 6:42 pm

I had to join the forum to reply to this. This topic is very exciting and new to me.

I'm a heterosexual male that looks, walks, talks, like a man. I enjoy being a man, and all that comes with it. But at least 50% of me is woman. I feel incredibly feminine. It doesn't bother me. I see it as a gift. It seems many great artists and thinkers had a strong feminine side, and I can relate to it. The only thing I'd like to acquire is a firm grasp on exactly what I am and what I should be looking for. Though I believe the universe pretty much works these things out on its own... I'm still very curious by nature.

I've always been attracted to tomboyish women. I wouldn't exactly call them manly... but borderline. My last relationship, which lasted 3 years, was with a cute, petite, gal who to me seemed very girly. But, to my surprise, upon revealing the thought that I was a women in a past life, she felt as though she was a man in a past life. I've sexually attracted lesbians, who are quite fond of me. And I attract a long of gay men, who I have no interest in, though I've spent some time testing my sexuality to see if I am gay.

Is there any relevant literature you folks can point me to?



mb1984
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20 Aug 2011, 9:33 pm

sdsf wrote:
I had to join the forum to reply to this. This topic is very exciting and new to me.

I'm a heterosexual male that looks, walks, talks, like a man. I enjoy being a man, and all that comes with it. But at least 50% of me is woman. I feel incredibly feminine. It doesn't bother me. I see it as a gift. It seems many great artists and thinkers had a strong feminine side, and I can relate to it. The only thing I'd like to acquire is a firm grasp on exactly what I am and what I should be looking for. Though I believe the universe pretty much works these things out on its own... I'm still very curious by nature.

I've always been attracted to tomboyish women. I wouldn't exactly call them manly... but borderline. My last relationship, which lasted 3 years, was with a cute, petite, gal who to me seemed very girly. But, to my surprise, upon revealing the thought that I was a women in a past life, she felt as though she was a man in a past life. I've sexually attracted lesbians, who are quite fond of me. And I attract a long of gay men, who I have no interest in, though I've spent some time testing my sexuality to see if I am gay.

Is there any relevant literature you folks can point me to?


Have you heard of "pansexuality"? I'm not sure, but it may answer some questions.

**edit** I didn't see where you said you were not interested in males, so perhaps it won't help much. Do you also suspect that you are on the autism spectrum? Feeling in between genders isn't uncommon in people on the spectrum.


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John_lzhc
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21 Aug 2011, 4:48 pm

For many years..... and then I transitioned :D



mb1984
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22 Aug 2011, 7:23 am

John_lzhc wrote:
For many years..... and then I transitioned :D


Good for you!! I'm in the starting stages of therapy, I'm hoping to at least start hormones in the future. I am still undecided on surgeries...I think I'll take it step by step and not go further in transition until I become dysphoric with where I am at.
I'd love to hear your story, message me if you are willing to share. No pressure of course.


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Evelyn
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23 Aug 2011, 1:02 pm

i'd have to say, as a faux queen, that this partially applies to me. i personally would be the most comfortable being the essential mix of male/female--not hermaphrodite, but rather, to put it politely, a chick with a dick. asexual-no. being a bi female, i want sexual relationships with both, yet at the same time, I want to BE both. :drunken: it makes me all happy just thinking about it...



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01 Oct 2011, 9:11 pm

I think at this point I'm more asexual than anything. At times I do feel like I could be an effeminate gay male.

I do like yaoi a lot. When I read yaoi I can imagine myself as the bottom guy.

I hate hetero, at least, at least any sort of penetration.



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02 Oct 2011, 10:47 pm

Interesting...I never liked "manly men". They were a big turn-off for me. I remember one guy I really liked in HS that I liked partly because he was more "gentle, effiminate?" Not a manly man. (many times I wondered if he was actually gay...I had heard rumors too...) My husband and I had parties at our place all the time. We laughed because close to 60% of the people invited were gay. We both get along very well with gays. Strange. In addition, I have had a gay guy once tell me "if I wasn't the way I am, I would love to date you..." By the way, my husband is not gay. He is very accepting of all people though. More so than most guys I know. He can be a bit rough, but I don't see him as a super "manly man"...when he acts that way, I don't really like it much...hmmm...but I do love men and not women. Very strange.



industrialx
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21 Oct 2011, 1:38 pm

*edit*


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Last edited by industrialx on 26 Oct 2011, 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sextaesada
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22 Oct 2011, 2:37 pm

I've always wanted to just be able to change my form at will, and never have one gender....it would be interesting.