Have you ever been wrongly accused of sexual harassment?

Post Reply New Topic

Except these were boys, and they were (and one of them still is) friends of mine.

It is very reassuring for a woman to say something like this.

I know exactly what you mean. I did the same thing with a co-worker of mine. I was being playful and commented on girls outfit too. She was so thrown off that she said she would call me on sexual harasment???! ! She completely misunderstood, but after that........forget her.

So sick, you were completely set up!

Women sometimes do this to be hateful, but then you cant treat all women's complaints as though they are just being hateful or we go back a few decades when women had very little recourse. I think there has to be some balance.

I have been part of sexual harassment cases in the past (I was not a victim or a harasser, but a witness or supervisor), and in none of those situations were the complainants just taken at their word. Many statements were taken from many people, and there needed to be some sort of corroboration- either a pattern of behavior or witnesses to the actions/statements in question. He said/ she said doesn't cut it in corporate or military complaints. This is true in rape cases- if there is no physical evidence or outside witnesses, a rape case will often fold. But with sexual harassment you have to have proof or enough information to indicate that there was a perception of impropriety. 'Perception" could mean that the person accused was actually using poor judgment, not really sexually harassing someone, as another poster has written about. For example, if a woman just claims she felt like she was harassed, but then the man can explain his actions reasonably (like, "I swung my arm and accidentally hit her butt") or denies making any statements or actions she has accused him of, then it comes to a wash because there is no proof and nothing to back up the complaint. In the other case here there were multiple women complaining, and the man admitted to his actions- even if he was not intending to harass, they certainly could be taken that way and were taken that way by multiple women.

So, what I am trying to say is that I doubt there are many cases where one woman made up the whole thing, had no witnesses, and got someone fired. On the contrary, many women have suffered because others were too afraid to come forward and back up their truthful claims- look at the military cases in the past decade. There simply would HAVE to be other indications that backed her up. Sorry to make it so drawn out like that.

thank you for your rational explanation. sure, there must be cases where a woman may be trying to get a man into trouble for no reason, but there are also many cases where a woman is being harassed and does not speak up because she does not feel safe to do so. it is important to support and preserve a system which lalows women (or men) to speak up when they feel harassed.

anecdotal case: i worked in a kitchen of a fast food restaurant in 1991-2. it was very rare to have a female work in the kitchen there (background about the culture: it was only fairly recently that women were allowed to wear pants at that job in fact. skirts were required up until a couple of years before i started).

i was in the kitchen because i did not deal with the public very well, but it was a testosterone-filled atmosphere. the manager was an ex-sailor who made frequent sexual references, as well as being verbally abusive to staff (swearing, insulting, etc.).

i worked alone in the kitchen with a single male coworker for the first hour of my shift. most days, he would find an excuse to stand behind me, too closely. he would put his hand on my butt and press against me while he whispered dirty things in my ear about how much i must be enjoying it. it would only be for a few seconds each time at most, but the emotional damage was real.

i never ever came forward. who would i tell and what good would it do? i would have gotten laughed at or fired in that environment. i needed that job. at the time, i didn't even have my high school diploma (got that after university, but that's a story for another thread). i was 18 years old, first full-time job, and i was living in an apartment i couldn't afford. i was stealing toilet paper and food from work because i really did not have enough money, plus i lacked budgeting skills.

culture has changed since then. maybe there are cases where a misunderstanding happens, or where a woman gets a man into trouble (or the reverse) for no reason. but people fought hard to get sexual harassment recognized as a real problem, and i feel better knowing that in today's culture a victim can come forward without standing to lose their job.