Canadian here... pouring my heart out...

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Adrien
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15 Aug 2010, 2:40 am

Okay, here it goes....deep breath......

Not sure if I want to get diagnosed. On one hand It would be great to know why I am the way I am, and to kind of have an excuse for being like this. Also it takes a lot of stress off. But on the other hand, it would also mean I'm officially different than others and will have more trouble at some stuff, and that would make me less confident.

I think I really have almost no deep emotions, like I'm to the point and don't really care about others. Just me, but whatever, I guess that's normal these days. My language skills are awesome. I'm better at English and French grammar/syntax than most by far. My French spoken could use some practice though, because my only good friend is English (and a computer nerd). I'm great with computers and spend most of my time in front of my gaming rig (i7930/GTX470/6GB/raid SSD). That's my focus. Other little diagnostic stuff like ADD and all, but for some reason I don't feel like talking about that right now.

I can act socially ok sometimes, if I'm in a good mood and got a lot of sleep. I feel like I'm faking it though. Forcing myself to not say stupid things, or just lying. Usually I just listen, or put on my headphones and tune out.

Can't get a girlfriend because I'm FREAKING shy around women. Other than being a tiny bit short (5'8) I'm actually decent-looking from what I can tell, but in this world men approach women, so I'm pretty much screwed. And it's not like I go out, just home + school, and the occasional movie or restaurant. I would probably just use a girlfriend for sex though, honestly. I'll probably change once I meet the right person, but hell might as well be honest eh.

... Well that was awkward. GONNA PLAY SOME STARCRAFT 2 NOW YEAH


(idols: Arnold, Adrian Lamo, Bill Gates....favourite games: Mass Effect 1/2, Starcraft 1/2, TF2, L4D2, etc)



wrathofnero
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15 Aug 2010, 3:43 am

Dude. I'm just gonna level with you. I know exactly how you feel. Man, I read every word of that and I had to look a few times to make sure it wasn't actually me who posted that. I mean, even down to the syntax. I, too, am new here. I don't claim to be an English master or anything, but I know where you're coming from completely. I have a i780/6GB/SLI 250 GTS(x2)/1TB HDD+ 250GB HDD. I built it myself and I maintain it with one half of my brain tied behind my back. What I'm trying to get out here with you, man, is that you're definitely not alone.



neto
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15 Aug 2010, 5:28 am

Yeah, you're definitely not alone. I, too, usually don't care about others. I try hard to care, though. But that's just me. As for women, well, maybe you should come to Brazil. It's not uncommon to find women who hit on guys here and a lot of them just want to have sex (no money involved), just like many (most?) guys do.


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JetLag
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15 Aug 2010, 9:38 am

Nice to meet you, Adrien - and welcome greetings to the WP forums.


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ChasUFarley
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15 Aug 2010, 9:49 am

Welcome aboard.

I hope this isn't too forward of me, but I was just diagnosed at 39 years old. I've had almost four decades of trying to fit in, wondering what was so bad about me that I couldn't carry on a conversation at a party - and god forbid I was in an area where there were two or more conversations going on at once - why I never felt that "love" that sweeps you off your feet like the romance novels talk about but I could feel music in every cell of my body - why my anger would cause me to "snap", wishing I could be like the heroines you'd see in the movies, who just stomped their foot and lightly slammed a door - and all that. Almost four decades of self-loathing and always being a misfit. I learned how to be funny - get people to laugh - even at my own expense - to get past it, to be approachable, and hopefully have friends.

I get where you're coming from.

For me, a diagnosis wasn't anything I'd given any thought to until my youngest son was diagnosed HFA. I saw things in him that I saw in myself; hmmmm, what if? I wondered.

A diagnosis has been a two-edged sword: how can so many people be like this but no one until the past 10-15 years notices or the medical community finally acknowledge them? How could I go all these years, even getting treatment, including hospitalization for mental illness and medication that did not work for me - why? But at the same time - I've stopped hating myself for being who I am. I've met others now with AS and I've decided I can be a better advocate for my son because I know - first hand - what it is like to be acutely different.

I would be simplifying your situation if I said, "Get diagnosed when you're ready." I guess the bigger picture is, what would a diagnosis do for you in life? How do you think it would change your situation?

And honestly... part of me wants to tell you to go get it... don't put it off. (Yes, that's the mom in me talking...) :)



hartzofspace
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15 Aug 2010, 10:11 am

I hear you, Adrien! I did not get diagnosed until my late 40's. But what a diagnoses has done for me, is to give me what I have longed for all of my life. Knowledge that I am not alone, that there is a group of people that I truly resonate with, however far scattered to the four corners of the globe. Just knowing that there are others like myself made me feel better. For practical purposes, a diagnoses has helped me to avoid jury duty, advocate for better living quarters, and if I ever go back to work, will help with job accommodations.


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KyleTheGhost
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15 Aug 2010, 5:14 pm

Be welcome here. I like Starcraft as well!



richie
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15 Aug 2010, 5:35 pm

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To WrongPlanet!! !Image


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CockneyRebel
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15 Aug 2010, 6:31 pm

Welcome to WrongPlanet. :D


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