Are aspies and NTs compatible in romantic relationships?

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

foreveryoung
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jun 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 398

21 Aug 2010, 4:28 pm

I agree with Willard. If a supposed aspie or autistic male is successfully in a long term relationship, either they aren't autistic, or their partner is just very understanding and almost like a third parent. Any kind of NT women will get sick of the Aspie features sooner or later. It's almost like trying to pair a skinhead and a black woman...not going to happen.

Unfortunately for the Aspie community, for some reason it's become en vogue to have Aspergers, and a lot of people diagnose themselves, when they're really just nerdy or an outcast.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,366
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

21 Aug 2010, 6:05 pm

Don't knock the undiagnosed aspie. There ARE good reasons NOT to have a diagnosis, such as if you have children. Two or three people ganged up on me by calling CPS and telling them I was a danger to my children because I have AS. I didn't volunteer ANY information to those nice young ladies that showed up on my doorstep. The question was "Have you ever been diagnosed..."

I put on my best fake-NT look of horror and shock and so "No, never!" It's true. They rolled their eyes, looked at each other, asked to see the kids, and left apologizing for wasting our time.

Don't get me started on that experience--I'll hijack the thread without meaning to!

I'm not really that nerdy, at least no more than musicians naturally tend to be. But I am obsessive over what I do, and I totally freeze up when I have to deal with PEOPLE. I was an outcast, sure, when I was younger--now my isolation is self-imposed and it's for the best (there's so much pressure to have friends/bfs/gfs when you're younger, not so much as an adult). But I do have a talent for getting along with little children and the few social obligations I have I can fake my way through it. Before finding out what Asperger's is, I always wondered what was wrong with me. Now I know: absolutely nothing.

Oddly enough, I found relationships and sex to be another constant preoccupation. I have some funny ideas that even some here might find weird about relationships, but I DO know that over time I've gotten quite good at it. I've been in a relationship for nearly 10 years now, married for half that time, and have two kids that tolerate me. My wife is an NT with a degree in psychology and works for a lawyer. I'm in good hands!

Have my issues been a source of frustration for my wife? Sure. But suggesting that it's impossible for an Aspie/NT relationship to work out is a bit of an unnecessary exaggeration.



JustANerd
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 20 Aug 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

21 Aug 2010, 9:51 pm

There are definitely times when we get frustrated with each other, but it's not anything we can't work through.

Just as an example, one thing he does that -really- gets to me emotionally is get into arguments. He doesn't call them arguments, but they feel like arguments to me, because he always says, "Well, what you don't understand...." or "No, but you don't see.." and I see that as contradicting language. A few months into our relationship, this had upset me several times and I confronted him about it and asked him why he was always so abrasive and argumentative. We talked about it, and he told me that he just felt like we were having a discussion. To him, the point of a conversation is to share information - so if I had incorrect information, he would correct me. The problem is I have discussions just for fun, just for the point of talking, and getting to a rational conclusion is usually only what I'm trying to do when I'm troubleshooting or talking about something...academic, for lack of a better word. When we're talking about something personal, always being contradicted makes me feel like I'm being personally attacked.

I tried to explain to him how I felt and he didn't really get it, and I didn't (still don't) really get why everything was so 'serious' to him. But because he understood it upset me emotionally, he told me he'd make an effort to not use the kind of language that makes me feel defensive. And even though he still sometimes seems argumentative to me, it doesn't bother me as much because I know he isn't trying to put me down - he's just trying to have a conversation. So yes, the conflict didn't go away entirely, but it became a much smaller source of tension in our relationship, thanks to both of our attempts to be understanding.



ChekaMan
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 184
Location: Whitstable,UK

21 Aug 2010, 10:44 pm

I had a relationship with an NT,yes, we broke up, but partly because it was a long distance relationship and neither of us would live in the other one's country.



Blasty
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,205
Location: At my workbench

22 Aug 2010, 12:02 am

Quote:
Are aspies and NTs compatible in romantic relationships?


You bet. As long as both sides want to understand each other, it works just fine. Besides, there is truth to that sappy saying that "true love knows no bounds."

My girl is technically neurotypical, although she's still not typical in the sense that we tend to picture NTs in. That's one reason I love her. :D