Belonging

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Joined: 20 Apr 2006
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08 May 2006, 9:17 pm

(disclaimer: I'm not diagnosed, and all I know for sure is that I'm not normal...)

Is the concept of "belonging" foreign to anyone else?

When I'm with groups of people (people whom I think consider me a friend, but I'm bad at judging that sort of thing), I feel like I have to try to say things sometimes, just so I can feel like I'm part of the group for that one moment and not some dude who's just there. Even when I'm with people whom I know well, when I talk to them I don't feel like I'm their friend, just someone they're condescending to pretend to be friends with for a while. I find myself craving a sense of oneness with someone, something, anything, but I don't know that I've felt like I really belonged except with the voice that is the monologue in my mind, not even here where people might understand me like no one ever has IRL. I want to label myself with something, so I can belong somewhere, but I haven't found a label that fits - I'm a bizarre, idiotic person, but not in a way where I can label myself with something that really fits, so I don't belong with anyone, really...

emc
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08 May 2006, 9:26 pm

ah, but you are "IkariShinji" someone with a keen interest in something Asian?

I know what you mean I get the same feelings, which suck. I have been shy around someone I've known for 10 years!

But then I think well I'm unique, and isn't that exciting in itself?

blue_bean
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09 May 2006, 4:46 am

The word 'belonging' is not foreign to me but it is a word that does not describe me at all. I can think of many times in my life where I have hung around people ( mostly school mates)but not really been part of the group. My school mates just let me sit or stand with them so that I did not look like a loner. I never really exchanged comments or engaged in conversation with them, they usually sat and ignored me.
I remember back in my final year of school that I had a falling out with a group I was with (well not really with) and got invited to hang around another group. One girl from the old group asked why I started hanging around with these other girls, I just felt like saying "why? do you care?, I'm suprised that you noticed I was gone". I guess the word 'invisible' rather than 'not belonging' is a better term to describe me. Like everyone didnt even acknowledge my existence.

Belfast
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10 May 2006, 11:14 am

IkariShinji wrote:

(disclaimer: I'm not diagnosed, and all I know for sure is that I'm not normal...)
Is the concept of "belonging" foreign to anyone else?

IkariShinji wrote:

I'm a bizarre, idiotic person, but not in a way where I can label myself with something that really fits, so I don't belong with anyone, really...

I feel similarly, have for most of my life. Don't feel sense of communion or unity by being around others, in small group or large crowd. Always seemed like others were experiencing something that I wasn't, and I couldn't figure out what I was missing. Didn't feel sense of blending or mixing, being part of anything, still felt like I stuck out. No sense of "aha, these are my people, I'm no more or less strange than they are".
Suppose the hopeful idea is that many of these people who "don't belong" DO belong together. Not dividing world like that-I mean perhaps all humans are misfits in some way, point being to find the traits/qualities that work well together. Positive thing about internet is it's easier to find those who share one's own unusual interests, but isn't much help IRL settings.

_________________
*"I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't."*

IkariShinji
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Joined: 20 Apr 2006
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10 May 2006, 7:55 pm

Quote:

ah, but you are "IkariShinji" someone with a keen interest in something Asian?

I don't get too involved in anime in general, and lord knows I'm not otaku... It's funny, I guess - the anime club at college was composed of people who I felt "normal" to by comparison, so I didn't belong

cyrus1874
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10 May 2006, 8:32 pm

I know what the word means I just never felt it was ever applicable to me in a strong sense. I've had "friends" but never really felt that i beonged with any of them. Usually just people from school who were in the classroom as me. The only thing I would have in common with these people was the class itself.

hale_bopp
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11 May 2006, 6:45 am

IkariShinji wrote:

I understand how you feel. I don't feel like I belonganywhere, and sometimes feel I just "exist" with no real connection to the people around me, trying everything in my power to get one.

You could try going to a support group. Do you have a job?

emp
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11 May 2006, 9:11 pm

I do not feel like I belong, but then I do not care whether I belong, so it does not bother me. It is not a case of me trying to show a tough face, I really just do not care about it either way. Or maybe a little bit, but for the most part, belonging is unimportant to me. For example, I was oblivious to peer pressure when I was in school. I do not know why I do not care about it -- I suppose I cannot think of a convincing reason why it should be important to me.

I am happy/content to just do my own thing and choose my own path and forge my own destiny regardless of whether that makes me belong or not. I guess this makes me more autistic in this aspect.

I am not saying anyone is wrong for wanting to belong, just saying I do not see much of a need for it for myself.

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