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anxiety25
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23 Aug 2010, 10:15 am

No offense meant to anyone, but they are draining. We've had some "okay" friends for a good while now-going on 2 years, and they always want to do things together.... but I'm hitting a point where I just feel I'm finished dealing with others in general... I want to just isolate us from them (me and my kids) and just do our own thing without having to worry about them coming over, talking about this and that all the time...

We just had a drama infested day between 2 friends of mine using me as a venting partner, each on their own, and maybe I just don't think before I say things... or maybe I'm just too honest about things to where I can't just ignore some things being said... but here I am, trapped in the middle, getting a lot of backlash from it. "I didn't realize you talk to so and so about these things, too", etc., and I'm just TIRED at this point.... I don't like having to watch what I say because this person or that person might get mad, or not being able to agree with valid points without it going back to this person.... "well, Liz says this, too" etc.

I'm just done.... you guys ever get like that? Ever get caught in the middle of things and just be so unable to just flat out lie about stuff that you say more than you *should* at times?


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Kiseki
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23 Aug 2010, 10:17 am

Mostly I just tired of people and their drama and stupid games and not just saying what they really mean. I don't wanna work at things anymore. Why can't friendship just happen naturally? It's tiring and I'd rather just spend my time watching a movie at this point.



anxiety25
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23 Aug 2010, 10:21 am

Kiseki wrote:
Mostly I just tired of people and their drama and stupid games and not just saying what they really mean. I don't wanna work at things anymore. Why can't friendship just happen naturally? It's tiring and I'd rather just spend my time watching a movie at this point.


Exactly! I mean, our friendships happened naturally, but at this point... I don't think I should feel absolutely exhausted or on edge, or like I have to watch my words around them, etc.

It's not like I'm sitting around talking about people-I don't WANT to do that, I lack the motivation, but if people are going to ask my opinion about something, I'm going to tell them. One of them told me this morning, "well, I'm not gonna bring you into all this" then proceded to tell me how my other friend was going to destroy my life, etc.

I'm TIRED of it. I don't wanna be involved in it. They are both nice, and I would love to be just normal friends... but now there's this weird awkwardness, and I don't care for it one bit. I don't like not being able to state things factually without it getting twisted around, I don't like people pointing the finger at me just because I agree with something, etc.

It's stupid...


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Kiseki
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23 Aug 2010, 10:25 am

anxiety25 wrote:
Kiseki wrote:
Mostly I just tired of people and their drama and stupid games and not just saying what they really mean. I don't wanna work at things anymore. Why can't friendship just happen naturally? It's tiring and I'd rather just spend my time watching a movie at this point.


Exactly! I mean, our friendships happened naturally, but at this point... I don't think I should feel absolutely exhausted or on edge, or like I have to watch my words around them, etc.

It's not like I'm sitting around talking about people-I don't WANT to do that, I lack the motivation, but if people are going to ask my opinion about something, I'm going to tell them. One of them told me this morning, "well, I'm not gonna bring you into all this" then proceded to tell me how my other friend was going to destroy my life, etc.

I'm TIRED of it. I don't wanna be involved in it. They are both nice, and I would love to be just normal friends... but now there's this weird awkwardness, and I don't care for it one bit. I don't like not being able to state things factually without it getting twisted around, I don't like people pointing the finger at me just because I agree with something, etc.


It's stupid...


I don't get people when they try to pit friends against each other, like it makes them feel good to have one on their side or whatever. It's so childish and just a lame game.

Yeah, I don't have time anymore for friendship games.



anxiety25
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23 Aug 2010, 10:29 am

Oh, and we're talking about women in their 30s doing this.... /sigh. lol.

I think I'm just not gonna answer my phone for a while... maybe we'll go look around at the store or something instead of playing outside.

Tonight we have plans with my bf-I like that, gives me a night of not avoiding the phone-heck-even that alone is TIRING, lol.

But... I figure if I back out for a few weeks or so, maybe it'll chill out. I just need to avoid them while this is going on, until it gets worked out, or until they get over it. It's not my place to be in the middle, and I hate it. Especially since I can see both points of view, so it definitely doesn't make it easy when they are venting.


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Kiseki
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23 Aug 2010, 10:32 am

anxiety25 wrote:
Oh, and we're talking about women in their 30s doing this.... /sigh. lol.

I think I'm just not gonna answer my phone for a while... maybe we'll go look around at the store or something instead of playing outside.

Tonight we have plans with my bf-I like that, gives me a night of not avoiding the phone-heck-even that alone is TIRING, lol.

But... I figure if I back out for a few weeks or so, maybe it'll chill out. I just need to avoid them while this is going on, until it gets worked out, or until they get over it. It's not my place to be in the middle, and I hate it. Especially since I can see both points of view, so it definitely doesn't make it easy when they are venting.


I'm the same age as you so I know what you mean...

Best to just avoid these people right now. Maybe they'll miss you sooner or later and realize how stupidly they've been behaving.



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23 Aug 2010, 10:34 am

Reminds me of the fourth Harry Potter movie. When Ron and Harry aren't speaking, but are trying to pass messages through Hermione - to which she finally shouts
"I am Not an OWL."

Perhaps you should interrupt the next outpouring of drivvel with "I am not an OWL.! !" haha. See what they do with that.


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anxiety25
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23 Aug 2010, 11:20 am

Vivienne wrote:
Reminds me of the fourth Harry Potter movie. When Ron and Harry aren't speaking, but are trying to pass messages through Hermione - to which she finally shouts
"I am Not an OWL."

Perhaps you should interrupt the next outpouring of drivvel with "I am not an OWL.! !" haha. See what they do with that.


haha! Well, unfortunately it won't be so easy, because they aren't relaying messages to one another XD The one is just griping about the other... I'm officially finished 'cuz she called again to tell me something about my one friend, telling me she'll destroy my life and crap like that? lol. It's really starting to scream "psycho" to me.


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23 Aug 2010, 11:23 am

Those are my sentiments, exactly. Why can't people just say what they mean, and mean what they say. I'm also sick of the fake, played up emotions.


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Kiseki
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23 Aug 2010, 11:42 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
Those are my sentiments, exactly. Why can't people just say what they mean, and mean what they say. I'm also sick of the fake, played up emotions.


Man, I know. I really don't understand people. Why aren't they just honest?



anxiety25
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23 Aug 2010, 12:17 pm

Thanks all, I'm just... shocked, I think, to know people can be like that, and ARE still like that well out of high school (no offense to the high schoolers here, I just know that is a common problem-especially among females in high school).

I think I am just gonna quit answering the phone calls from the one, and just continue with the other. Just had some people come by my house and asked their advice, and they agree that once I stop the contact, the ball is in her court essentially, and it's up to her to do some looking at herself and reassessing the situation.


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anxiety25
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23 Aug 2010, 12:18 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Those are my sentiments, exactly. Why can't people just say what they mean, and mean what they say. I'm also sick of the fake, played up emotions.



...and YES! That is my main problem with the one. She smiles and acts like she's having a good time and all, just goes with the flow, is very friendly... then talks about ya behind your back. I don't get it.


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eon
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23 Aug 2010, 12:26 pm

yes they wear me out. too demanding... the pace is the main exhausting thing. every time i have a chance to think about a response, they start going again before i can start. no pause is ever sufficient for me to adequately formulate a reciprocation.


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23 Aug 2010, 7:24 pm

anxiety25 wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
Those are my sentiments, exactly. Why can't people just say what they mean, and mean what they say. I'm also sick of the fake, played up emotions.



...and YES! That is my main problem with the one. She smiles and acts like she's having a good time and all, just goes with the flow, is very friendly... then talks about ya behind your back. I don't get it.


It's insecurity.

When I was younger, I didn't understand the concept of a circle of friends. If someone was friends with someone I liked I became very jealous thinking that they would take my friend away and not realizing we could "share". I didn't make anything up, but I never missed an opportunity to point out I was a better and more loyal friend. I'm ashamed to admit I did this, but I hope my mistakes can offer some perspective.

I am not saying that everyone does what they do for the exact reason I did, but the base is probably the same. People who are secure in themselves have no need to put others down or pretend something is different than it is. Or even that they feel differently than they do.

You would be surprised at the number of insecure people out there. They are like vampires and suck the life out of you.



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23 Aug 2010, 7:40 pm

Chuckle chuckle.

This is precisely why I use caller ID and call block, and filter my emails to the max. Not that I do this to friends all the time, but I do quite often just let it go to the machine, and the extraneous crap on TOP of friends is just too much. Gossip drives me batty. I don't care about it. Don't want to hear it, don't want to offer opinions about it. These days, I sit and listen, nod, and shrug, and say, "Everyone's entitled to their opinion." I refuse to get caught up in it anymore. It's childish and wastes so much time, and doesn't accomplish a damned thing. Not too many people come visit me anymore. Sad to say it's fine with me. If you've got something worthwhile to talk about with me, fine. I like conversation. Intelligent conversation. Gossip is NOT intelligent conversation. I've really enjoyed my peace for the last few years. What little my kids allow me to have that is. I absolutely HATE it when people drop by without calling first.


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