What is society? Why should we give a damn?

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My parents wouldn't stop pestering me about 'living in society', 'functioning in society' and 'being part of society'. What's this society thing they keep going on and on about? I guess that mean they want me to have more relationships and act more like a normal person what ever that is, but I can't be really sure.

What exactly is the problem? So what if I don't have friends or acquaintance in the real world? I'm not hurting a soul! I'm not bothered by this. Apparently I give out weird vibes and that may spook other people, but I could hardly believe that it would be something someone would lose sleep over. They don't care about me, if I'm weird it might bother them for a bit but that will pass and it wouldn't impact their lives in any way.

So what if people/society think I have a problem? Big news, I DO have a problem. But it's not like I'm a mass murderer out to kill innocent people. Apparently in order to live, function and be part of society, I need to change, I need to conform to society's expectations or norms. Exactly how on earth do I go about achieving that?!

What exactly is society? It never did anything for me or others who really need help. All it did is demand, expect and condemn. Why should I care about it? Why should I want to be part of something like that?

Last edited by DragonDamsel on 23 Aug 2010, 11:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

as long as you're not intentionally hurting anybody, the only problem i can see is in other people's unrealistic expectations.

"society" is as important as the individual and others are as important as yourself ,
in a perfect society the infrastructures and establishments are synced perfectly with the individual needs those allowing him to create and interact to the common good which suppose to be identical to his good.
we are not living in a perfect society,actually we are very far from that,that's why NT's,Parents,"Professionals" and the likes can no get that in many ways what seems weird about AS is that they represent another version of one to many relations (society) and what is so annoying and upsetting is that in many ways AS interpretation of this relations is much better in many aspects of that of the NT's ,
NT's can not get the way true uniqueness and identity integrate with the many because for them it's a contradiction so for them u either do and behave exactly like anybody else or u are "other",weird,defect, contemptible,etc... ,their rigid mind and luck of empathy can grasp only 2 options, u r either with us or against us,it's a known defect of the NT's and as such should be tolerated and treated with l compassion and love/

I feel you SO hard on this one. Yesterday I had this conversation about society, my family specifically. They are all very neurotypically composed, they think. I can clearly see signs of all forms of autism throughout all the relatives, but as long as I've been around they found me weird, hyperactive, too smart, or better: a smart-ass, and they didn't really engage in my life.
This happens a lot. People don't seem to take time to understand, and frankly, neither do most of us, because in the end we're all selfish and lonely and trying to have a good self-esteem.

There is, however, something good to this seemingly crazy society. If you open your eyes a bit you will see that there are people around you that care, a WHOLE lot. Like us. And the feeling you get when noticing you have a lovely connection to a friend, is more overwhelming to me than anything else concerning humans.

Try it, don't be so mad. You'll be amazed about what you can do with this.

I don't mind trying to expand my world online (I'm already doing that), but the real world is another issue. I don't mind that others don't care about me, since I don't really care about them either. I'm not hurting anyone, that should be enough.

I truly could not grasp the importance of society and what good could come out of being part of it. Despite their insistence on this subject, my parents are inarticulate when it come to saying exactly why it's so important for me to try to integrate myself into society. Their only explanation is that "everyone must live in society". I don't have the slightest clue to what they could be talking about. I have a suspicion that they don't either.

And this will probably sound stupid, but neves what do you mean by 'Try it'? What should I be trying to do?

Your parents are aware of the simple fact nobody can survive completely separate from "society". You and I do not make our own clothes, grow our own food, etc., etc., and your parents do not want to go to their graves worrying about you possibly ending up as a homeless and penniless street urchin picking from dumpsters at the mere edge of "society".

I am aware that in our current ways of life, we're all pretty much dependent on other for necessary commodity. That doesn't explain about being part of society part. To get those things the only things I need are a job and probably living somewhere in the city. It's not like I have swear to become a hermit in the middle of nowhere. Why such emphasis on live, function and become a part of society thing? WTF did those things mean anyway?

How are you going to do that without being part of society?

Define being part of society. I think we have different definitions of that.

From what I know, being part of society mean having 'friends'. Chances are, if I'm going to have any I would have to play pretend to be normal. Not fun. When I work, I'll probably have colleague, but I don't have to interact with them outside of work. I probably will have neighbor, but apart from the occasional hello, I don't see anything more happening. I need to buy grocery, but I can't really see business transaction as social interaction.

Real life interaction is hard. Something in me just seem to scream to NT that I'm weird. It could be my body language, my opinions, the way I say the first thing that came to my mind, my abnormal habits, I just can't keep track of it all. People tend to ignore me and I'm fine with that.

Many AS,including my self,places very high value on real life interaction , consequently we tend to be very selective at applying them,that's a very good thing but it does make u look weird to the NT's who tend to be much more casual (and superficial) about those things.
limiting your self to very few,or even one deep meaningfulness relationship doesn't make u anti social ,
on the contrary,
Deeper one to one relationship inspires much deeper and more meaningful one to many(society) relationships
one real life touch enhances the more abstract seemingly withdrawn relation towards the many which can than be expressed as science or art or whatever
intimacy and privacy are legitimate needs and are also the foundation to the more broader anonymous existence as one of the many
NT's have trouble getting this basic concept so they think u r weird
u r not
u r normal human being trying to survive in a crazy,hypocrite , double faced,shallow society.

Having a job and being able to carry on normal business interactions with others is being part of society. That's exactly what your parents mean. They don't mean you have to have lots of (or any) friends. They are probably worried that a lack of friends currently means you will not be able to get along with co-workers or neighbors or landlords or health care providers or any of the other myriad people you need to interact with. This is merely a worry. They fear that a lack of friends is a sign that you will also not be able to carry on these non-friend interactions effectively. Why do they worry? Because they are your parenmts. It's their job to worry.

Unless you are independently wealthy, you need a job.

To get a job you need the social skills to demonstrate to a potential employer that you have what it takes to make a positive contribution to that employer's workplace.

Unless you are planning to hold an entry level job until retirement, you are going to need to develop the skills to move up into jobs with more interesting challenges and greater rewards.

Nobody says that you are obliged to enjoy yourself at the company Christmas party. But you do have to be able to work well with people, and some of the skills that relate to that come from social learning.

Every person comes into the workplace with limitations. In one sense you are lucky, because you know what those limitations are, and you can seek help to overcome them.

Not you and me, but I believe others have answered your question well. Whether or not we like it, and I do happen to not, the fact remains we must participate in society to some extent if we are to live at all.

...That sound awfully like The Sims, in real life do we really need a certain amount of friends to advance in job position? I don't avoid people like the plague and is capable of doing some chit chats. Nothing that will really enable me to make and keep friends, but it should be enough for day to day interaction. Shouldn't that be enough? What more do I need?

And thank you for all the replies, I think I begin to understand this society thing a little more. Although, it seem like I already am a part of it. There's nothing that need to change. After I finish my education, I do intend to get a job and do the required interaction to get my necessary needs. That's all I need to do in order to be part of society right?

Special thanks to nara44 for reminding that there're people who think I'm normal. Maybe there're NT out there who won't mind that I could be different sometime.