Give examples of sh-tests you were put through

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hyperlexian
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12 Sep 2010, 11:02 am

hyperlexian wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Yasmine wrote:
In most of these cases I can't even see how you came to think of them as tests... and what the women in question decided to do afterwards does not seem dependant on these events.

From my point of view you just seem bitter every time you do something for a woman or does something friendly with a woman and you don't end up as her bf...
Witch is actually very consistent with the L and D forum-aspies way of thinking that any socialisation with a woman is a tit for tat situation (sorry for the bad pun). She shouldn't have gone back with her boyfriend because you went out for ice cream?? Really?
lol at this!! !!

yep, i don't get how these are supposed to be examples of tests. tests for what? to show if the OP could be a worthy mate? if it's a test and he didn't get the girl, that would mean that he failed somehow...


Is it possible for you to think of men as full fledged human beings and not as status symbols who "win" over a girl. A relationship is about sharing something meaningful with one another its not about "winning or failing." You also seem to enjoy rubbing in your belief that a guy only gets rejected because he is unworthy and undeserving.

For somebody who thinks that they are on God's mission to show men how wrong they are you sure seem to have a lot issues with men. Maybe men don't respond to your input because your input is insensitive, tactless and basically obnoxious.
i'm atheist, which i have mentioned on several occasions. what are you talking about?
wait, now i understand... you were assuming i was christian because of my perspectives on some other threads. ihave spoken to you before about the dangers of when you draw conclusions about what people truly think or feel based on their posts in a thread. your conclusions are generally wrong, so it isn't working.

if you truly read my posts in this thread, you would also see that i agree that relationships should never, ever be based on games or tests. another conclusion that is incorrect.

it doesn't work to try to shove me into a box.


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JohnisBlind
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12 Sep 2010, 12:05 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Yasmine wrote:
In most of these cases I can't even see how you came to think of them as tests... and what the women in question decided to do afterwards does not seem dependant on these events.

From my point of view you just seem bitter every time you do something for a woman or does something friendly with a woman and you don't end up as her bf...
Witch is actually very consistent with the L and D forum-aspies way of thinking that any socialisation with a woman is a tit for tat situation (sorry for the bad pun). She shouldn't have gone back with her boyfriend because you went out for ice cream?? Really?
lol at this!! !!

yep, i don't get how these are supposed to be examples of tests. tests for what? to show if the OP could be a worthy mate? if it's a test and he didn't get the girl, that would mean that he failed somehow...


Is it possible for you to think of men as full fledged human beings and not as status symbols who "win" over a girl. A relationship is about sharing something meaningful with one another its not about "winning or failing." You also seem to enjoy rubbing in your belief that a guy only gets rejected because he is unworthy and undeserving.

For somebody who thinks that they are on God's mission to show men how wrong they are you sure seem to have a lot issues with men. Maybe men don't respond to your input because your input is insensitive, tactless and basically obnoxious.
i'm atheist, which i have mentioned on several occasions. what are you talking about?
wait, now i understand... you were assuming i was christian because of my perspectives on some other threads. ihave spoken to you before about the dangers of when you draw conclusions about what people truly think or feel based on their posts in a thread. your conclusions are generally wrong, so it isn't working.

if you truly read my posts in this thread, you would also see that i agree that relationships should never, ever be based on games or tests. another conclusion that is incorrect.

it doesn't work to try to shove me into a box.


I am going to assume that you are being overly literal for the sake of being obnoxious.



hyperlexian
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12 Sep 2010, 12:13 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Yasmine wrote:
In most of these cases I can't even see how you came to think of them as tests... and what the women in question decided to do afterwards does not seem dependant on these events.

From my point of view you just seem bitter every time you do something for a woman or does something friendly with a woman and you don't end up as her bf...
Witch is actually very consistent with the L and D forum-aspies way of thinking that any socialisation with a woman is a tit for tat situation (sorry for the bad pun). She shouldn't have gone back with her boyfriend because you went out for ice cream?? Really?
lol at this!! !!

yep, i don't get how these are supposed to be examples of tests. tests for what? to show if the OP could be a worthy mate? if it's a test and he didn't get the girl, that would mean that he failed somehow...


Is it possible for you to think of men as full fledged human beings and not as status symbols who "win" over a girl. A relationship is about sharing something meaningful with one another its not about "winning or failing." You also seem to enjoy rubbing in your belief that a guy only gets rejected because he is unworthy and undeserving.

For somebody who thinks that they are on God's mission to show men how wrong they are you sure seem to have a lot issues with men. Maybe men don't respond to your input because your input is insensitive, tactless and basically obnoxious.
i'm atheist, which i have mentioned on several occasions. what are you talking about?
wait, now i understand... you were assuming i was christian because of my perspectives on some other threads. ihave spoken to you before about the dangers of when you draw conclusions about what people truly think or feel based on their posts in a thread. your conclusions are generally wrong, so it isn't working.

if you truly read my posts in this thread, you would also see that i agree that relationships should never, ever be based on games or tests. another conclusion that is incorrect.

it doesn't work to try to shove me into a box.


I am going to assume that you are being overly literal for the sake of being obnoxious.
sorry. i forgot quotes:

it doesn't work to try to "shove me into a box".

the truth is that you have made completely worng assumptions about me, and you descend into insults when you cannot defend those assumptions.


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techstepgenr8tion
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12 Sep 2010, 4:58 pm

Dilbert wrote:
Google: David DeAngelo scam.

Actually that's the first google suggestion when you type in his name. :roll:

I know I'm reaching back but did you see the second page of that article? Don't buy Hydroxetone! Buy Revlon! Its a competitor advertisement, and the internet is filled with sleezy crap like this. Try Hydroleyes some time as well - its an undereye dark circle cream that doesn't work, charges your credit card $65 a month (if you hear it on a radio infomercial and wonder why you can't just try it at the store, or why you can't just buy his stuff at the library - hang up, that's all you need to know).

So, you really want to feel out rebuttals online to make sure it isn't just more white-trash Pulse 360 type advertising.



billsmithglendale
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13 Sep 2010, 10:41 am

primaloath wrote:
billsmithglendale, thank you for your honest posts. It's certainly true, from what I have been observing all around, that a man's height, wealth and influence are what naturally attracts women.


Hey, no prob, I do what I can. Maybe this is my version of Hope Grows/Hyperlexian's selflessness ;)

primaloath wrote:
I have met the kind of women whose heads are filled with politics and who only take notice of those who might provide them with some form of service. I'm surprised you say being cold towards them worked; do you mean that they didn't retaliate, or that they felt hurt about it? I'll try that in future workplaces.


I mean it more in terms of hurting them back/disrupting their game, and yes, they will try to use the same tactic against you. The only thing is (and this is my personal experience, not empirically proven by anyone), men can usually win this game if they apply themselves because most women find it very unnatural to be anti-social, especially to one individual, if they are normally social. So usually, they break first, and they break the silence "cease-fire" -- that's when you win a victory.

You have to be cruel to make it work -- don't give them eye contact, walk by them without acknowledgment, and if they are talking to someone you want to talk to, talk to the other person, not them. They are going to wonder why they are invisible, and at some point they will catch on.

It does work, but it's a band-aid -- Long term, if someone doesn't like being around you, is ambivalent about your company, or only cares about you in the context of her own popularity contest or "collecting" people who like her/give her narcissistic supply, you will probably not have a fulfilling victory over this person. It also works against people who are emotionally closer to you, but it's the emotional nuclear option, and will lower their trust in you, unless they are already pretty emotionally beholden to you (in which case, why use it?)

Btw, this can also work with a pretty woman you don't know who knows she is too hot for the room. She's used to guys begging for her attention, and resents them, yet expects it; Suddenly you're not reacting, you don't even care (we've heard stories like this here from asexual Aspie guys), and she can't stand it -- what's the secret? So for them, you may get more interest, but once again, it's fleeting.

Also, if you do it too much, the person will write you off permanently. So be ready to be in a permanent emotional cold war with the person. This is useful when you just want someone out of your life, or if you want to hurt them the same way they hurt you. Yes, this is vindictive and petty, but some people earn it. This is one of the tools in my toolbox for disrupting the games people play with me, a tool for the underdog who is being used.

primaloath wrote:
I think it would help if you wrote a blog regarding female manipulation and linked it to your signature. I am doing that for a blog in regards to abuse, morality and neurodiversity.


I'll think about it -- I've been stung by free blog hosts before (i.e. had them suddenly disappear), and I prefer to keep this anonymous, as I do here.



billsmithglendale
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13 Sep 2010, 11:49 am

hyperlexian wrote:

errrrrr work environment? why is he trying get with the girls at work? very few guys can get away with that, and some girls would be very cold indeed!

but maybe you could ask one of those girl's perspective, or a female friend? because you are viewing the situation through the eyes of a man, and would not see things like a woman would. you have no idea if he is creeping them out in some way unless you get a different perspective.


You'd be surprised -- at the last company I worked with, something like 5 different couples ended up getting married over the course of my career there (8 years). Lots more dating happened in addition to that. Workplaces with a lot of people around the same age and relative culture (it's different where I work now, with a lot of immigrants from more conservative cultures) tend to have a lot of workplace dating. Your advice to ask someone outside of the situation is good, but I don't want to embarrass him.

Janissy wrote:
It's mean to just ignore him like he doesn't even exist. But why discount the woman who didn't ignore him? You saw a Filipina woman give him extra smiles but then discounted that with the assumption that she would "reel that in" if she knew more about his financial situation? But how do you know she would? "Women" as a whole haven't rejected him. A certain subgroup has. So he should step away from that subgroup and go for the women who do react positively to him, as you saw one do. You say he's on the fence about dating within his ethnicity. Maybe he should get off the fence since it seems that it is Filipinas who do in fact find him attractive.


Fair enough -- true, I think he does exclude his own race to an extent. This isn't uncommon with Asian residents in the U.S. -- in fact, Filipinos have some of the highest interracial marriage and out-dating (meaning interracial) rates in the U.S. -- you can find more details here on both immediate immigrant vs. native-born asians: http://www.asian-nation.org/interracial.shtml

So, to an extent, I do think he aims out of his tier. The girls he like are ones that even I, as a blond, white, tall, relatively handsome (but married) guy with a quirky personality might not have a shot at (though I have a separate theory that white women don't like blond guys). I think as you say, the bar is higher here in L.A., because beautiful people are here and know their value, and everyone tries to date something higher than what they are (a phenomena known as "falling upward", check wikipedia for that). I don't know that his expectations are realistic in terms of what he could land, or the kind of woman he should go for (clue: don't go for someone overly concerned with the cosmetic).

Btw, the women who ignore him -- I ignore them, and then sometimes they do take better notice of him. Care to guess at the reasons why this happens?

Chronos wrote:
There are plenty of married short, average looking, guys who make less than $40,000 a year who are in a relationship. I see them everywhere. In fact most fathers I know fit exactly such a category.

And on another note, Los Angeles is not a good city for singles for a few reasons. First it is a magnet for shallow people, better than average looking potential actors, actresses and models who only think about their career and have a hard time committing to any real relationship, the people who want to have sex with them, people of various ethnicities who will have sex with anyone they deem hot or easy enough but will only marry within their own ethnicity...


I don't know about that -- most fathers I know are all heights. I live in L.A., which has a lot of hispanics and Asians, who tend to overall be shorter than white North American males, so maybe on that level there are more short fathers.... But most short guys I know aren't married to anyone I would care about or be interested in. I did steal one's GF once, but she was a low-self esteem "yellow cab" from Taiwan (basically, a rich woman from Asian who uses Western men as sex toys and arm candy), so probably not a good example...

In general, I don't see a whole heck of a lot of taller women with short guys. I do see a lot of short women who would be good for short guys who end up dating taller. All of my GF's have been 5'6" or under, and most of them a lot closer to 5'. My wife is 4'11". Short women seem to like taller guys.

I will agree with you about us having a higher amount of shallow people -- these do tend to be some of the folks he goes for.

It's very hard to get guys with too much idealism about what they should date, almost perfectionism, to get realistic.



hyperlexian
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13 Sep 2010, 7:07 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:

errrrrr work environment? why is he trying get with the girls at work? very few guys can get away with that, and some girls would be very cold indeed!

but maybe you could ask one of those girl's perspective, or a female friend? because you are viewing the situation through the eyes of a man, and would not see things like a woman would. you have no idea if he is creeping them out in some way unless you get a different perspective.


You'd be surprised -- at the last company I worked with, something like 5 different couples ended up getting married over the course of my career there (8 years). Lots more dating happened in addition to that. Workplaces with a lot of people around the same age and relative culture (it's different where I work now, with a lot of immigrants from more conservative cultures) tend to have a lot of workplace dating. Your advice to ask someone outside of the situation is good, but I don't want to embarrass him.
oh, i'm not saying it doesn't happen sometimes. it does... i've dated people from a workplace myself. but flirting with girls at work (paraphrasing here, but you said that you've seen him get brushed off by coworkers) can get a person into trouble.... it can come across as very instrusive, creepy, or harassing if a person seems to be looking to date workmates. does he have other places he tries to meet women?


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14 Sep 2010, 2:25 am

JohnisBlind wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Yasmine wrote:
In most of these cases I can't even see how you came to think of them as tests... and what the women in question decided to do afterwards does not seem dependant on these events.

From my point of view you just seem bitter every time you do something for a woman or does something friendly with a woman and you don't end up as her bf...
Witch is actually very consistent with the L and D forum-aspies way of thinking that any socialisation with a woman is a tit for tat situation (sorry for the bad pun). She shouldn't have gone back with her boyfriend because you went out for ice cream?? Really?
lol at this!! !!

yep, i don't get how these are supposed to be examples of tests. tests for what? to show if the OP could be a worthy mate? if it's a test and he didn't get the girl, that would mean that he failed somehow...


Is it possible for you to think of men as full fledged human beings and not as status symbols who "win" over a girl. A relationship is about sharing something meaningful with one another its not about "winning or failing." You also seem to enjoy rubbing in your belief that a guy only gets rejected because he is unworthy and undeserving.

For somebody who thinks that they are on God's mission to show men how wrong they are you sure seem to have a lot issues with men. Maybe men don't respond to your input because your input is insensitive, tactless and basically obnoxious.


I know that was not directed at me, but I don't really see "failing" such tests (though I still maintain the original poster was not being tested) as an indication that the person is not worthy. In my mind, it has nothing to do with worthiness and everything to do with compatibility.

I rarely think in terms of "good enough". I almost always think in terms of "right fit".

I really think people need to stop thinking of being rejected as indicating that there is something inherently wrong with them as a whole, and only consider it as one out of many options.

There are going to be a small number of women who have this concept of men having to "win them over" though. Unfortunately this type of mentality is fairly prevalent in certain latin American sub-cultures. It's best to just avoid women like that though...they are usually drama queens anyway.



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14 Sep 2010, 2:42 am

deadeyexx wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Really nice guy though, very smart, lots of friends. Just no women :( And it's so sad to see otherwise nice women brush him off like a nobody, while paying lip service to a jerk like me. When we were on a trip, I did see a pretty filipina give him some extra smiles, but I'll bet that she would probably reel that in (she was a restaurant hostess) once she found out what he made, or that he lives with his Dad.


I wondering what actually happens in these interactions with women who brush him off? All you have to do is get a woman to freely talk and smile. If you can, then you're immediately past the point of being "brushed off". Your looks or money shouldn't make much of a difference there.

Maybe he comes on too strong. I've seen 70 year old men chat up young women at the bar. Would she go out with him? very doubtful. But he's definately not treated as a nobody.


Just because a woman smiles and talks to you doesn't mean she is interested in dating you.

Women do have their preferences as far as physical looks go, but your average woman does not usually want a super model. All those super model men with perfect bodies are not put into magazines and ads by women. They are put into magazines and ads by gay men.

All women have their own physical type they are interested in, but as long as she finds him remotely physically attractive, personality trumps all else.

I'm willing to bet this guy just has some type of internal issue going on or just hasn't found the right girl yet, and maybe he never will. We are not promised we will find the one or us even if they are out there,

His ethnicity and location are likely big factors that are making it difficult for him though.



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14 Sep 2010, 9:03 am

billsmithglendale wrote:
I mean it more in terms of hurting them back/disrupting their game, and yes, they will try to use the same tactic against you. The only thing is (and this is my personal experience, not empirically proven by anyone), men can usually win this game if they apply themselves because most women find it very unnatural to be anti-social, especially to one individual, if they are normally social. So usually, they break first, and they break the silence "cease-fire" -- that's when you win a victory.


This reminds me of a joke I once read:

A husband and wife had had such a bad argument that they were both avoiding talking to each other at all. One day, the man needs to get up at 6 am the following day so he can catch a plane, but not wanting to be the one to break the silence he leaves a note by his wife's bedside table: "Please wake me at 6 am tomorrow." At 10 am the following day he wakes up, sees the clock, and anger fills his mind. Just then he notices a note on his own bedside table. It read: "It is 6 am. Wake up."



billsmithglendale
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14 Sep 2010, 10:15 am

hyperlexian wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:

errrrrr work environment? why is he trying get with the girls at work? very few guys can get away with that, and some girls would be very cold indeed!

but maybe you could ask one of those girl's perspective, or a female friend? because you are viewing the situation through the eyes of a man, and would not see things like a woman would. you have no idea if he is creeping them out in some way unless you get a different perspective.


You'd be surprised -- at the last company I worked with, something like 5 different couples ended up getting married over the course of my career there (8 years). Lots more dating happened in addition to that. Workplaces with a lot of people around the same age and relative culture (it's different where I work now, with a lot of immigrants from more conservative cultures) tend to have a lot of workplace dating. Your advice to ask someone outside of the situation is good, but I don't want to embarrass him.
oh, i'm not saying it doesn't happen sometimes. it does... i've dated people from a workplace myself. but flirting with girls at work (paraphrasing here, but you said that you've seen him get brushed off by coworkers) can get a person into trouble.... it can come across as very instrusive, creepy, or harassing if a person seems to be looking to date workmates. does he have other places he tries to meet women?


He's very active in the Filipino community, but aside from that, unknown. He is similar to a lot of guys here in terms of his interests, so that might be hampering him a bit, but not enough to explain the gap. So maybe he is just overreaching.