Does talking to attractive women make you feel wierd?

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I've noticed that when I talk to really facially attractive women it makes me feel like crap.....

which is probably why I wont ever date a really attractive women. It's been this way since I was like 10....and im 23 now.



Any other aspie men feel this way?

I can get rather nervous, but I don't really feel like crap.

Depends on the woman. Some beauties are kind and beautiful on the inside too, friendly and warm people. That doesnt mean that will give a charity f**k to a nerd they like and enjoy the company of.

If your motivation is to date or have sex with a beauty, and this frustrates you, I understand your ill feeling. Being realistic about where you set your sights could be less antagonistic?

When a beauty walks down the street and eyes fall on her/him, eyes of married men/women too....eyes that say, "Mummy! baby wants to f**k!!.....anyway, its a double edged sword for these attractive people ( I once dated a beauty who was raped by her fathers friend, everywhere she went, men would devour her with their eyes....

Trust me, it aint no bed of roses for beauties...

only as they go running down the street, screaming.

Even if you read everything about seduction and experimented all the techniques to increase your confidence, there would always be the case of the one woman (and she don't have to be looking like a model) that take your breath away.
The only solution I think is trying to stay focus.

Yes...it doesn't make me "feel like crap" so much as it makes me exceedingly nervous. I have trouble making eye contact with them and with many people. In this sense, I suppose it does make me "feel like crap". Nevertheless..it doesn't even remotely trouble me compared to several other aspects of my life (which I have discussed many times before on WrongPlanet and there is no need to do so again in this thread) which have nothing to do with sexuality, romantic relationships, or other humans in general.

At any rate....this is somewhat more troubling because for reasons I don't care to say much about, many women who are unbelievably attractive in my eyes seem to find me appealing. After they get past the physical, so to speak, their attraction to me dissolves into nothingness though. Simply put...I have nothing to offer them aside from the fact that I must be "eye candy" to them. I used to work as a server in an "Americana" type restaurant which was frequented by young people. Beautiful young female customers flirted with me all the time and I simply didn't know how to react to them.

I was recently dx-ed with schizoid personality disorder and once again....i've been saying for a long time that this disorder fits me better than the previous personality disorder dx-es i've received (schizotypal four times and borderline once) prior to this most recent neuropsychological evaluation. I basically have the "personality" of a cinder block. I never smile sincerely and I rarely make eye contact or initiate conversations with anyone. Many of the young women who came into this restaurant (as well as many of my female co-workers) never let me forget this either.

They would always ask me why I never smile and why I always look so serious, angry, or depressed. One time some young female customer made some comments i'll never forget after I dropped a glass while I was cleaning a table. People in the restaurant jokingly clapped when I dropped the glass. I found nothing amusing or stimulating about the event in anyway. It was a daily occurence in the restaurant and I was hardly the only server who dropped stuff. IOW....it was simply a non-event to me and just part of the job. This girl was obviously surprised that my facial expression didn't change after everyone clapped and I didn't share in the camaraderie. I didn't even look up at her or any of the other people who were clapping. I merely went about my business and proceeded to clean up the broken glass. Well....that alone must have been a federal offense in the eyes of this girl.

After observing my non-reaction to the event....she yelled "smile!! !.....smile!! !.....life is work!! !" I just ignored her and acted like I didn't even hear her. That remark p***ed me off greatly though and I felt like saying something to her. Nonetheless....I held my tongue as it's a case of "the customer is always right" in corporate America. Who the devil was she to think I needed her presumptuous and subjective little lecture about life? She had no idea what was going on in my head and in my life....so what business did she have telling me to smile? Maybe she would've committed suicide if she had to deal with 1% of the hell that i've dealt with in my life. I really hate this "smile" crap that NT's often pull. It amazes me that they don't seem to realize the person they're telling to smile may be going through the tortures of the damned. Heck......I wouldn't except some NT who just lost their $75,000 a year job to smile. How much worse are the problems faced by many of us who aren't lucky enough to have a job AT ALL? Unemployment is not even the tip of the iceberg in terms of troubles the human person can have in this existence. Yet many NT's expect everyone to walk around whistling a happy f**king tune all the time.


Sorry....I felt it was time for a good rant.



Anyway....most of the women i've actually been with made "the first move" with me. All in all.... I tend to avoid social interactions with attractive young women and all humans in general. I don't discriminate as i'm an equal opportunity misanthrope. Nonetheless.....I find particular groups of people equally annoying and unbearable in their own unique ways. Plenty of young women, irrespective of their physical appearance, are no exception to this.



I don't ask to be accepted, loved, or even, liked... by anyone. I don't ask women to be attracted to me and I don't care if they think I look like the phantom of the opera or their "knight in shining armour". All I ask is to be respected and to be left in peace. As far as many people are concerned...it would seem that even this is too much to ask

Thus.....the following Bob Dylan song lyrics sum up my thoughts about how women ought to deal with me.....particularily the beginning of the third verse.


It Ain't Me, Babe
"Go ’way from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I’m not the one you want, babe
I’m not the one you need
You say you’re lookin’ for someone
Never weak but always strong
To protect you an’ defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe

Go lightly from the ledge, babe
Go lightly on the ground
I’m not the one you want, babe
I will only let you down
You say you’re lookin’ for someone
Who will promise never to part
Someone to close his eyes for you
Someone to close his heart
Someone who will die for you an’ more
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe

Go melt back into the night, babe
Everything inside is made of stone
There’s nothing in here moving
An’ anyway I’m not alone
You say you’re lookin' for someone
Who’ll pick you up each time you fall
To gather flowers constantly
An’ to come each time you call
A lover for your life an’ nothing more
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no, it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re lookin’ for, babe"

Last edited by Horus on 14 Sep 2010, 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

Attractive women make me feel weird, but I'm also gay.

What this woman said would likely have cheered most people up, and most men would have probably appreciated the implied forgiveness and positive outlook on life this woman would have had.

You seem to be the exception. So being I now don't know what you consider friendliness to be, how would I know what you consider respect to be?

And how would anyone for that matter?

Such things have no meaning to me. Frankly I don't care how most people would've reacted to her remark in question. I don't know what you mean by "implied forgiveness" either. Implied forgiveness for what?

Accidentally dropping a glass like thousands of servers probably do on a daily basis? I'm usually not interested in anyone's outlook on life save my own and I don't see why I should be. When I am interested in someone's outlook on life....i'll simply ask for it or better yet...read about it in a book they wrote or something in order to avoid social interaction. Thus....this was an entirely unsolicited, subjective and inane comment on her part IMO. As far as i'm concerned.....their was some implied condescension on her part as well. Again....who was she to think I required any lectures from her about what life is and is not?

Respect is a quite simple concept to understand IMO. I don't ask for anyone's friendliness or unfriendiness...respect is neutral and ideally desirable to me. Respect simply involves going about one's business and allowing others to do the same. I was simply a waiter in a restaurant doing what is expected of waiters. I wasn't being paid to listen to her philosophy about life and her zen fascist "wear a smiley face or else" comments. I just don't see how leaving others in peace is too much to ask. I could understand this if I was at a bar or a party as there is a time and place for everything. In this case....I was simply another anonymous waiter who didn't know her from Adam and she felt the need to invade my microcosm without even so much as my non-verbal permission to do so. I just don't do that sort of thing to people. God knows if I started saying stuff like this to women they'd probably think I was just a sleezeball trying to get into their pants or something. That is often the case when men say things like this to women, so such thoughts would be understandable.

If I walk up to an attractive woman I have no problems talking but if one comes up to me in a social setting then I usually turn around and walk way or pretend I do not hear her.

I don't care about attractive women, because I'm attractive too and generally I don't care about people, they're somewhat unreal to me.

But, hey, attractiveness isn't only physical! Everyone can be pretty, it's just the question of will (clothes, haircut...), but having pretty mind isn't so easy!

But you do care. You just don't care in the sense that you want to please anyone.

I think others would define respect a little differently than you. I think most would define respect in part as having consideration for the other person, but one has to make an educated guess at what that other person considers considerate. One could say that woman was trying to be considerate of your feelings in that she wanted you to know that dropping the glass was not such a negative thing as your lack of expressiveness implied it might be.

You don't have to empathize with others if you don't want to but it would only be logical to at least acknowledge that they do not think the way you do, if you are so vulnerable to their relatively normal responses bothering you.

How can you be so certain I care? I don't feel my personality (or lack thereof) or anyone else's needs to be "pleasing" to anyone. Considering this women was likely an NT...she probably has little problem reading non-verbal communications and expressions. I don't even have a substantial problem reading such things and this is supposed a major deficit for people with AS/NVLD. Therefore...judging from my non-verbal (and verbal for that matter) non-reaction to this non-event...she should've realized I wasn't interested in any commentary from her. That would qualify as an "educated guess" on her part would it not? I don't see why my LACK of expressiveness should've indicated that I felt it was a negative event. Had I said "oh godd***it!! !" or kicked a chair or something...I could see how that could be construed as a negative reaction to the event.

I did no such thing however. I just impassively looked at the broken glass and proceeded to do what needed to be done in order to clean it up. I realize others do not think the way I do, but isn't any of the onus on NTs as well? Should we simply acknowledge their own thinking and behavior because they're the majority and never expect them to do the same for us? We now live in a fairly sophisticated society and younger people these days should be generally more educated about neurological disorders like AS and the behaviors and thinking that those with them often exhibit. It's not my fault that many NTs still believe there's something "weird", sinister, threatening, or otherwise negative about people who have genuine neurological differences they have little or no control over. I am not being paid to educate these people. They are enlightened enough when it comes to issues of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. As far as i'm concerned, there's no excuse for young people to remain ignorant and judgemental about people with legitimate neurological differences who don't always behave in a manner they have come to expect from their peers. I've faced enough bullying, criticism, condescension and abuse in my life from NTs and all because of issues I have little or no control over. Therefore....it's about time I get a little consideration from them and I don't think I need to feel guilty for behaviors that are doing them no harm and that I can't control. Beyond that....they can stick their infantile smiley-face crap and condescending lectures up their a**. I for one have become quite tired of trying to conform to their subjective and unwritten laws of appropriate social interaction.

If you didn't care, then you would not have voiced annoyance at her reaction.

How she reacted BOTHERED you. Thus, you cared.

OK....I will concede that much. Nonetheless...I didn't voice any annoyance TO HER although I was tempted to do so. It did bother me for reasons i've already stated. There is a chance you may not fully understand me here and I will take the blame for that. Such issues are very complicated, nuanced and conditional to me and i'm not very good at explaining my thoughts about them in a just a few words. Therefore...any further elucidation here would require at least one more massive and time-consuming post and I have neither the time nor desire to construct one at present.

I am leaving for Pittsburgh tomorrow for an autism research study i'm participating in at Pitt U. So my time is currently limited and I need to be sure I don't forget anything before i'm 1200 miles away from home.

I don't think this problem is exclusive to AS.

Certainly doesn't help tho.