You're being rude!

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I didn't make any personal attack on you. You're being pathetic.

I completely agree! That is what the original post is supposed to be all about. Perhaps I didn't word it in a way that got that point across well too you.

It's about me realizing that I have occasionally been rude without realizing it. It is also about the possibility that the same thing happening with other users could be causing the same problem for them.

It's all about "People tell me I'm rude even though I think I'm being polite." And I mean that from personal perspective. It happens to me. It has happened to me all of my life. Not so often now as it used to, but it's still a problem for me. I'm asking if others here think they have the same problem, and whether they think it contributes to problems here on WP.

While I am trying to "clean up my own doorstep," I am asking, "Hey, look at this crap I found on my doorstep! Are any of you finding the same stuff on yours?"

I speak for no one but myself.

Others speak for themselves. Others have, right here in this thread. Several users have already stated (probably more politely than I did), that they think you've been rude. You don't agree. That would seem to indicate your own answer to the question, "Other people frequently tell me that what I've said is impolite, even though I think it is polite," would be at least, "Slightly agree." People are telling you you are being rude, and you don't think you are.

I'm not telling you what to do about it. It's up to you whether you want to.

When I created this thread, it was never intended to be about you and me. It was about a situation. A situation I'm struggling with myself, along with quite a lot of other WP users. All I was trying to do was offer my own perspective on the matter. My intent was never to speak for anyone but me.

Somehow though, you seem to feel that I am playing the role of some sort of "spokes person" for WP. A role I never intended to fill. A role I have no desire to fill. When you told me that was how you saw it, my response was simply, "Who said I was? I certainly didn't."

Here's the entire exchange leading up to where it appears it all went sour:







I found that to be rude, and said so, albeit I admit how I told you wasn't the best choice of words:




(at myself).

I want you to know that reading that now brings these thoughts (to myself) to mind:

"Dumb ass! What is wrong with you? What on earth made you think that was the best way to handle this? How would YOU respond if somebody said that to you?"

You were not telling me I'd been rude. You were telling me I seemed to speak for others where I had no right to. I didn't understand that maybe you hadn't seen the posts I was talking about. They are there though, and I have seen them, so I assumed you must have seen them too. How's that for forgetting Theory of Mind?

The thing is, I really do try very hard to imagine how others, including you, "see" things. Even though I do try very hard, sometimes I screw up and forget to do it.

I don't know if you are ready for this, but here goes:

Please accept my apology for that reply. It was made in anger (as if that isn't obvious), and the result of poor judgment. I have no excuses to offer for it. It was poorly worded, and not helpful at all. I apologize.

To your CREDIT, jumping ahead in the thread a bit, you indicated some of the same questions I had been asking myself, were occurring to you too:



If you are willing to listen, I would like to reply to that (again, I speak only for myself here):

NO! You have committed no crime. You are also NOT a "tard," nor do I think you are dense. I do not hate you. My personal intention has never been to bash you, but I admit to saying some things I know you took that way. The above reply is an unfortunate example. It was stupid and useless.

I have NO desire for you to leave WP. Believe it or not, I would much prefer to get along with you.

It is certainly not my place to give you a blow by blow run down of things you've done that others have found offensive. First, I fear you would interpret that as proof of my acting as a spokes person.

What I can do, if you are willing to listen and think about it, is point out something that happened between you and I, that I have a feeling was the seed of animosity in this thread. It was the first time I remember you ever responding to me. This is from the Members forum:








By the time we got to "Cool." I really thought this was all over and done with. Some of your responses here on this thread though, have led me to believe it's not over and done with.

My first reaction to "I'm bored with you," was that for some reason you don't like me. I had no idea why, as I had never, that I knew of, spoken to you before. By the end of that first conversation though, I felt whatever it was, wasn't that important, so I just let it go.

Then I started this thread. Within a few exchanges, it seemed to me that my very first impressions that you don't like me might have been correct. I still didn't know why.

And this is where we share something in common.

We are BOTH saying that we are being told we are being rude and impolite, yet we have no idea why.

THAT was the entire point of this thread. That was what I was asking other users to respond to.

Somehow though, it became about a problem between you and I. I didn't intend to point fingers, but when I look back on it, that's exactly what I did, but I want you to know now that for the one finger pointed at you, there were three more pointing right back at me. If you were at fault, (and I DO mean "IF"), I am just as much, if not more at fault.

A few posts back, I asked if you would help me understand where I might have gone wrong. Your initial response was:



I respect your not wanting to dig into it at the time. Eventually though, you did express some desire to understand what was causing others to tell you thing's similar to what I did (that you were being rude).

I'm not so sure you really want to know though. As I've been typing this response, others have offered exactly what you asked for (an explanation of how and when you may have been rude), and you have so far flatly rejected any and all claims that you have been rude, even with clear examples given. Do you really want to know? Do you really care at all? Sharply contradicting every single response to your own request for that information indicates you don't.

If your request for explanations was really genuine, you should be listening to these people, not arguing with them. They are telling you how things you have said have offended them. It's how they feel, and you are simply roundly dismissing how they feel as invalid. It's how they feel. No one on earth can state with any accuracy how they feel but THEM.

The only way to turn all this around for yourself is to accept what they are telling you. If you really want to know, as you claim to, what has been going wrong, the only way to gain that understanding is to LISTEN, and quit arguing.

It's a hard lesson I've had to learn. When enough people are telling me I've screwed up and offended them, I accept it and apologize. There is no other effective way to deal with it if you don't want to be constantly told you are being rude and offensive.

Simply accusing people of being pathetic whiners is NOT an acceptable way to deal with it.

You can claim all you want that none of this bothers you, but it simply isn't true. If it were, you would move on and ignore it. The fact that you keep responding to these claims is evidence enough that it does bother you, but the nature of your responses shows you aren't willing to do anything about it.

I began this thread with a purpose in mind. You have effectively hijacked it and made the entire thread all about you.

Enough already.

I took the time to think about all this and try to reach you, but in the time it's taken to write this, you've soundly proven you aren't interested in being reached at all.

I'm done with it.

Moderators: Please LOCK this thread!

Let's keep it civil folks.

The following is an excerpt from the WrongPlanet Rules:

Conduct
-----------
The following activities are unacceptable on WrongPlanet:

2. Personal attacks.
This includes insinuation, ridicule and personal insults, regardless of whether direct or indirect. Attacking an opinion, belief or philosophy is acceptable, but attacking the person making the comments is not.

For more details see: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt12459.html