Neurotypicals- What do you think about people with Aspergers

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tenzinsmom
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23 Sep 2010, 1:15 pm

I like 'em. A lot!

Honestly, I evaluate people based on my personal interactions with them.

I have always gravitated towards the quirky and unique types.

I am more prejudiced towards the perky, peppy, "polished" types of folks. I always wonder who they're trying to fool. I try to work on that--to eliminate prejudice.

I also have an affinity for creative language and enjoy when people go off on topics they are passionate about. I love learning.

I suspect that I've known a fair number of people with AS, undiagnosed.

Oh, and I don't buy into the myth that aspies have no empathy. I suspect that lack of empathy is spread throughout the population. I think aspies just may respond to people and feelings different than the general population.

I believe a person's overall state of consciousness accounts for more than their particular neurology.

My son has autism, call it HFA, PDD-NOS--it's not at an aspergers level of communication/obsessive interests at this point. And I absolutely ADORE him. Not just because he's my son, I really like him. He's a lovely person, he has a unique perspective and he's so kind. I'm really proud of him. The only time I get upset about his autism is when I see him with other children--trying to connect and being unable to most of the time. So I agree with Tony Attwood, who says, "Aspergers is not a problem, it's other people that are the problem."

It bothers me that people in our society don't generally teach their children how to be kind and inclusive with other children. I see the parents at our school so wrapped in their own children and not the others. I think, emotionally, it's harder for aspies to cope with aspie reality in western, industrialized nations due to individualism and lack of community. Ironically, it's much much much better for aspies here in terms of education, and work opportunities.


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momsparky
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23 Sep 2010, 2:47 pm

tenzinsmom wrote:
I have always gravitated towards the quirky and unique types.

I am more prejudiced towards the perky, peppy, "polished" types of folks. I always wonder who they're trying to fool. I try to work on that--to eliminate prejudice.

I also have an affinity for creative language and enjoy when people go off on topics they are passionate about. I love learning.


Me, too! I have only recently come to realize that my secret classifications of people into "stupid waste of my time" and "smart" are really NT vs ASD. I suppose I should be easier on the NTs, they can't help it if they are interested in looks, cars and home decor.



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23 Sep 2010, 3:45 pm

Well, one really shouldn't generalize... To me, people with AS are about as individually different as people without AS, and they seem to be pretty "normal", everyday people really. Some are quirky, others less so - just as NTs. A Norwegian author with AS has explained that her AS is mainly a problem with intuitively understanding social settings, something which creates problems and/or challenges for her in social situations. That's it really. And that's mainly how I perceive the situation for my aspie friends & relations. They are as ordinary as the rest of us, but struggle more than the average NT in social settings.



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23 Sep 2010, 4:01 pm

I used to look like an idiot. So I tried to look less like an idiot. Now people think I'm a serial killer. :(



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23 Sep 2010, 7:40 pm

In my albeit limited experience, I've found some aspies to be difficult to deal with and others to be really pleasant. There's always something a little off when the conversation gets serious and I need the aspie person to understand where I'm coming from... but honestly, that happens with NTs too. Words =/= thoughts, so communication can be difficult no matter who you are. However, I'm a good listener and aspies seem to like that, so in general conversation we do just fine... NTs are often put off by the fact that I'm not excessively talkative.



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24 Jan 2011, 7:10 pm

I know a person with AS, or PDD-NOS or whatever. I can't say because he won't get a diagnosis. Sadly enough. He doesn't understand why people treat him like a fool yet he won't get a diagnosis because his NT wife and his adoptive parents would rather not let anyone think that he has a DYSFUNCTION! He is not normal. They are just enabling him to be this pathetic poet/frisbee golfing/religious/pun loving dork. I'm amazed at the lengths that his parents have gone through to keep his AS under wraps. They totally deny anything is wrong. (If only they could hear him talk about them behind their backs!)
I read on this thread that NT's have superiority complexes. Huh! Aspies are the ones going around thinking they're special. Thanks to kind enabling NT's like myself. (But I feel sorry for them no more!) I've found that aspies don't put the same value on relationships that NT's do. My aspie friend Dan (we'll call him) told me that I was his christian accountablity partner after I told him that he was the best friend I ever had. This was at the toasting at his wedding! Imagine how humiliated I was! When I finally asked him about it 2 years later he conviently redefined accountablity partner to mean something it doesn't, (better than best friend in this case) as he will when he thinks he's made a social blunder. Why didn't he tell me and the 50+ people that were at his wedding! Why wait 2 years to explain and then only after I asked him about it? I honestly don't think he had any use for me anymore. He was married and now that my duties as his best man were fulfilled he could go on with his life in his own little world. Now he had another NT to take care of him. In fact before he met his wife said more than once that he was looking for a woman to take care of him.
I think all people that fall on the spectrum should be identified so that unsuspecting NT's will know who they are dealing with. Period! :wall:



19jc69
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24 Jan 2011, 7:20 pm

momsparky wrote:
tenzinsmom wrote:
I have always gravitated towards the quirky and unique types.
s
I am more prejudiced towards the perky, peppy, "polished" types of folks. I always wonder who they're trying to fool. I try to work on that--to eliminate prejudice.

I also have an affinity for creative language and enjoy when people go off on topics they are passionate about. I love learning.


Me, too! I have only recently come to realize that my secret classifications of people into "stupid waste of my time" and "smart" are really NT vs ASD. I suppose I should be easier on the NTs, they can't help it if they are interested in looks, cars and home decor.
[quote]
Creative language? Nice try. Aspies choose words for the way they sound and not necessarily for what they mean. This is exactly how a child thinks and uses language. Aspies need to know that when they give words their own special meanings that there will be confusion. How nice to live in a world where we could just make up or own definitions for words when it's convenient. No wonder aspies can't make friends.



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24 Jan 2011, 7:32 pm

Stop generalizing. Seriously. Meeting a few autistic people who are jerks (or who seem like jerks, depending) doesn't give you license to talk trash about the rest of us. You remind me of how some white people I know talk about black people. Every time they meet one they think confirms their stereotypes, they add it to their list and bring it up as frequently as possible to prove their stereotypes are real. Meeting a few people from a minority group that you don't get along with doesn't mean it's good for you to slam everyone else in that group. (And if you don't realize that that's what you're doing, then nothing I can say will help at all.) You haven't met me. You haven't met the hundreds of other people on this board. What gives you the right to go around telling people that all of us are exactly like the few you don't like? It's cruel.


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19jc69
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24 Jan 2011, 7:47 pm

To whom are you replying?

anbuend wrote:
Stop generalizing. Seriously. Meeting a few autistic people who are jerks (or who seem like jerks, depending) doesn't give you license to talk trash about the rest of us. You remind me of how some white people I know talk about black people. Every time they meet one they think confirms their stereotypes, they add it to their list and bring it up as frequently as possible to prove their stereotypes are real. Meeting a few people from a minority group that you don't get along with doesn't mean it's good for you to slam everyone else in that group. (And if you don't realize that that's what you're doing, then nothing I can say will help at all.) You haven't met me. You haven't met the hundreds of other people on this board. What gives you the right to go around telling people that all of us are exactly like the few you don't like? It's cruel.
[quote]



Verdandi
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24 Jan 2011, 7:57 pm

19jc69 wrote:
To whom are you replying?


That would be to you, given you said several ridiculous and unsupportable things about Aspies based on pointless and false stereotypes, all because your friend used language at his wedding that you didn't care for.



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24 Jan 2011, 8:03 pm

Though after reading 19jc69's troll-ish rant, I'm feeling sorry about how I phrased things earlier. I'm just plain not interested in looks, cars and home decor, but for those who are: go for it!



19jc69
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24 Jan 2011, 8:22 pm

Why not tell the other people who are putting down NT's the same thing? As if I were the only one talking trash! I've met more than a few aspies and I haven't seen a reason to change my opinion. I think they are hiding from a world that they know would be disgusted by their indifference. The NT world knows that the opposite of love is indifference. fyi The NT world thinks that the ultimate prize is love. Aspies think that if they can possess the things that NT's have. (ie. car, house, spouse) that they can be normal. They think these things "balance them out." Puts them on par with the rest of the world. Unfortunately they have to use a person to do this. Well then so be it. Just make sure it isn't some unsuspecting NT.
ps did you know I'm a minority? there's a serious difference between not giving a young man a date with your daughter just because of his skin color as apposed to his inability to ever love her unconditionally more than his own life. This is my problem.

19jc69 wrote:
To whom are you replying?
anbund wrote:
Stop generalizing. Seriously. Meeting a few autistic people who are jerks (or who seem like jerks, depending) doesn't give you license to talk trash about the rest of us. You remind me of how some white people I know talk about black people. Every time they meet one they think confirms their stereotypes, they add it to their list and bring it up as frequently as possible to prove their stereotypes are real. Meeting a few people from a minority group that you don't get along with doesn't mean it's good for you to slam everyone else in that group. (And if you don't realize that that's what you're doing, then nothing I can say will help at all.) You haven't met me. You haven't met the hundreds of other people on this board. What gives you the right to go around telling people that all of us are exactly like the few you don't like? It's cruel.
Quote:
[quote]



Kai_Bliss
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24 Jan 2011, 8:53 pm

No fighting. Lets be nice please...................



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24 Jan 2011, 9:10 pm

19jc69 wrote:
blah blah blah badly thought out bigoted nonsense blah


Get over yourself. :roll:


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24 Jan 2011, 9:17 pm

19jc69 wrote:
I know a person with AS, or PDD-NOS or whatever. I can't say because he won't get a diagnosis. Sadly enough. He doesn't understand why people treat him like a fool yet he won't get a diagnosis because his NT wife and his adoptive parents would rather not let anyone think that he has a DYSFUNCTION! He is not normal. They are just enabling him to be this pathetic poet/frisbee golfing/religious/pun loving dork. I'm amazed at the lengths that his parents have gone through to keep his AS under wraps. They totally deny anything is wrong. (If only they could hear him talk about them behind their backs!)
I read on this thread that NT's have superiority complexes. Huh! Aspies are the ones going around thinking they're special. Thanks to kind enabling NT's like myself. (But I feel sorry for them no more!) I've found that aspies don't put the same value on relationships that NT's do. My aspie friend Dan (we'll call him) told me that I was his christian accountablity partner after I told him that he was the best friend I ever had. This was at the toasting at his wedding! Imagine how humiliated I was! When I finally asked him about it 2 years later he conviently redefined accountablity partner to mean something it doesn't, (better than best friend in this case) as he will when he thinks he's made a social blunder. Why didn't he tell me and the 50+ people that were at his wedding! Why wait 2 years to explain and then only after I asked him about it? I honestly don't think he had any use for me anymore. He was married and now that my duties as his best man were fulfilled he could go on with his life in his own little world. Now he had another NT to take care of him. In fact before he met his wife said more than once that he was looking for a woman to take care of him.
I think all people that fall on the spectrum should be identified so that unsuspecting NT's will know who they are dealing with. Period! :wall:


I'm going to try to reply in a non-judgmental way.

One I'm hurt that you will think all people with AS/autism are like this. Yes you were hurt by one but let me explain.

I too have a problem with friendship where I don't feel particularly close to anyone. It's not a choice and sometimes it depresses me that I can't break through these barriers. What's different about me is I probably know that telling this would hurt my friends and family's feelings. I can't show empathy and at times I need to get away from people to breathe. It's just that my oversensitivity and constant arguing can be very stressful.
I get attached to certain people too where I would want to see them over another person. It's hard to keep this under control at times.

Remember people with AS/autism think much differently than NT's and one of their main issues is in social communication.

I can't speak for anyone else with AS/autism but I don't think I'm special, I do wish that people would understand my difficulties sometimes. No body has ever made concessions for me. Maybe it's a bit selfish to say that they should but never once in my life have they tried to ease my difficulties in life.

Please try to understand the situation from someone with AS/autism's point of view. I do my best to try and see things from an NT's point of view. You're making a lot of assumptions that may or may not be correct.


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24 Jan 2011, 9:25 pm

19jc69 wrote:
Why not tell the other people who are putting down NT's the same thing? As if I were the only one talking trash! I've met more than a few aspies and I haven't seen a reason to change my opinion. I think they are hiding from a world that they know would be disgusted by their indifference. The NT world knows that the opposite of love is indifference. fyi The NT world thinks that the ultimate prize is love. Aspies think that if they can possess the things that NT's have. (ie. car, house, spouse) that they can be normal. They think these things "balance them out." Puts them on par with the rest of the world. Unfortunately they have to use a person to do this. Well then so be it. Just make sure it isn't some unsuspecting NT.
ps did you know I'm a minority? there's a serious difference between not giving a young man a date with your daughter just because of his skin color as apposed to his inability to ever love her unconditionally more than his own life. This is my problem.
19jc69 wrote:
To whom are you replying?
anbund wrote:
Stop generalizing. Seriously. Meeting a few autistic people who are jerks (or who seem like jerks, depending) doesn't give you license to talk trash about the rest of us. You remind me of how some white people I know talk about black people. Every time they meet one they think confirms their stereotypes, they add it to their list and bring it up as frequently as possible to prove their stereotypes are real. Meeting a few people from a minority group that you don't get along with doesn't mean it's good for you to slam everyone else in that group. (And if you don't realize that that's what you're doing, then nothing I can say will help at all.) You haven't met me. You haven't met the hundreds of other people on this board. What gives you the right to go around telling people that all of us are exactly like the few you don't like? It's cruel.
Quote:
Quote:

You would think someone your age would know better.

Is this ranting seriously all because someone didn't call you their "BFF". Did it occur to you that they may have meant what they said, that the phrase they used meant that you were more than a best friend? Or that they didn't explain because they didn't realise you were humiliated? Perhaps you need to get over it and stop taking your anger out on the rest us.