metal coffin

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I sometimes think back about stuff and think i have been in some kind of dream

in a city of half a million i sometimes find myself driving about in the car like I am in some kind of cocoon. I have never been formally diagnosed as AS but I got a book about it and what struck me really hard was the severe and ongoing social contact thing

I do know lots of people but thats only because I have lived here for so long - if i come across anyone its a simple "hello" or something. What bothers me about this is that some of these people seem to talk endlessly with others - but I seem to be a complete inert gas when it comes to social encounters

also - I work in a fairly busy public place - but its the same there - like i am in some insular form - excluded from the reality of it all

Inert gas when it comes to social encounters........ what a cool and descriptive phrase.

I don't look forward to seeing people I know anymore. All I get are awkward looks from the people that I used to be friendly with. I can put up a facade that I'm pretty normal, but I can't keep it up indefinitely, and if they are around to see the change, they are horrified and thus the looks and remarks.

what change? i was going to go to the pub tonight but it was getting on and i just lost
enthusiasm

The inert gasses -- helium, argon and krypton are sometimes called the noble gases. They do not like to share their electrons with the hoi poloi elements.

ruveyn

The change in my demeanor after I'm too exhausted to put up my fake face, like being two-faced I guess.

I often get accused of being a Jekyll and hyde character
for similar reasons

I often wonder what it must feel like to belong. The responsibility would likely drive me crazy.

i can totally relate. I love my family so much I have just recently been diagnosed as autistic after 22 years. I think that of all the anxiety and fights growing misunderstanding being so clueless as to what I am doing Wrong. I don't think my parents really understand how to deal with somebody who is autistic. My father is one of the main social antecedents that set off my melt downs. My own emotion seems to be in oversensitivity the feelings of frustration and sadness and desperation and loneliness seemed to sear through my heart. Hours and hours of self-loathing and fighting the self stimulating behavior that so often leads to more physical agony. My father is very loud and overbearing he will greet you by yelling your name and crushing you in a suffocating bearhug. I love that he is so sweet and compassionate but when he comes near me it is almost as if I am bracing for impact.i Know that it hurts him that I don't want him to touch me but it simply is just more than I can stand. I am totally trapped in a world where even love gets lost in translation.

I am agony

Ride a bike.

?????