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whatamess
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08 Oct 2010, 12:49 am

Oh my, this post has been all over and I've been busy...but thought I'd answer/clarify the questions posted to me...sigh...

1. on my post about knowing more women than men who cheat...

I have NO IDEA why...hmmm...you might have a point...I don't know...but it is what it is...that has been my experience...

2. on not being remotely attracted to a guy and then marrying him...

I was actually VERY attracted to another guy that I dated briefly in highschool...he was married when he contacted me to tell me that he was leaving his wife and wanted to start something with me...I waited for years for that guy before he ever got married, as he was playing around and wasn't ready...guess what? I told him to call me AFTER he divorced and not ever call me again before...and believe me, I really thought he was my soulmate...

Obviously I am very different...I have stated before in other threads that although I can be attracted to someone physically, it is truly their way of thinking that makes me melt...so there have been guys that I dated that everyone would say were super hot, and after a while no matter what they did it wasn't enough for me...on the other hand this guy never gave up...not that he followed me around all the time or stalked me, but he at least remained my friend off and on...I got to see how he treated others beside the girlfriends...he was around, but not really chasing me...would say hi, ask me to dance, but not freak if I said no...so I wasn't "freaked" by him and it actually allowed me to in a way not feel "threatened" by his "advances", but just be me...

As far as me liking him because he dated lots of girlfriends, I didn't really know the extent until after we began dating...we joke about it now, but I really had no idea he had gone out with so many girls before...I found out because we have mutual friends and until this day I hear stories...I always thought he was actually shy, as he didn't talk much...hmmm...and I am a firm believer that just because you were X before, doesn't mean you will be X always...

As far as whether he told other girls that he was seeing multiple girls, he claims yes, at least one of them claimed NO to me...but I will say that because I have had MANY guy friends as best friends, I have seen many women who chase guys around, the guy tells them "we are just friends or it's just a date, nothing serious, etc..." and the girls still "think" it's more...so, maybe I just can't really say one way or the other there...

He was disrespectful to girls by going out with them, being at a dance club, waiting for them to go to a restroom and asking someone else to dance...period. The girl claimed they were together, he claimed they were "just out together" not really dating/serious together...who knows...

PS - just today I found out that someone who was married for 20yrs, separated a year ago, divorce final less than 2mos ago, has already been dating someone for at least 6mos! yes, she is a FEMALE...if she was the male, everyone would say that she was obviously cheating during their marriage...funny, but the guy told me that she was cheating on him and she claimed she wasn't...makes me wonder now...he STILL has not dated.



ThomasL
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08 Oct 2010, 2:18 am

whatamess wrote:
Oh my, this post has been all over and I've been busy...but thought I'd answer/clarify the questions posted to me...sigh...


Hey, thanks for clarifying - that was a big help. I especially like the part where you said he'd ask you out, but not freak if you said no, and that allowed you to feel relaxed and maybe be more open to him the next time he asked. That right there is a good lesson to me! I never thought a girl would give a guy a second chance, so naturally I always freak when a girl rejects me. I wonder if it's possible to change the way I take rejection, or if that's somehow hard-wired in me? I'll try to keep your story in mind and see. It's really a revelation to me.



XFilesGeek
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09 Oct 2010, 9:40 am

auntblabby wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
[assorted irrelevant and mean-spirited invective]


whatever floats your boat.


Yes, because anyone who doesn't respond in a way you find acceptable is just mean, mean, mean.

Sorry, buddy, but you're posting in a public message board. If you want to post without fear that others are going to subject your opinions to critical analysis, then you should either restrict your activities to the Haven, or keep a private journal.

BTW, I don't view taking passive-agressive digs at entire groups of people to be indicitive of your "niceness," either, so we're both matched in the "not nice" category.

Quote:
And why not? Shouldn't we all consider happiness and satisfaction our right as living, breathing citizens of the planet, just like food and shelter should be rights as well? It doesn't mean we should expect it or, certainly, that it should come at anyone else's expense. But it would be nice, and I certainly wish it for all.


Because they're not?

No one is obligated to have sex with you. No one is obligated to be your friend. No one is obligated to give you all of their money, or let you live in their house. You can't force someone to love you.

BTW, how do you presume to claim your "right" to sex, love, and friendship without it coming at the expense of someone else? Sorry, but you're not entitled to sex and romance precisely because it would involve corrupting the freewill of another human being. Constant whining that you should be getting things that you were never entitled to in the first place is illogical and unproductive, and no, I don't particularly care that someone gets their feelings hurt by hearing that whining about said issue is illogical and unproductive. I'm not one of those souls who feels WP should be an endless river of meaningless compliments uttered by faceless strangers to bolster the self-esteem of other faceless strangers.

Being treated humanly and with respect might be a reasonable "right," but sex with someone is not, nor is friendship, love, ect. For example, I will not allow myself to be sent to jail for violated someone's "right to friendship" because I declined their invitation to play D&D. Life sucks, but there it is.


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bee33
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09 Oct 2010, 4:39 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:

Quote:
And why not? Shouldn't we all consider happiness and satisfaction our right as living, breathing citizens of the planet, just like food and shelter should be rights as well? It doesn't mean we should expect it or, certainly, that it should come at anyone else's expense. But it would be nice, and I certainly wish it for all.


Because they're not?

No one is obligated to have sex with you. No one is obligated to be your friend. No one is obligated to give you all of their money, or let you live in their house. You can't force someone to love you.

BTW, how do you presume to claim your "right" to sex, love, and friendship without it coming at the expense of someone else? Sorry, but you're not entitled to sex and romance precisely because it would involve corrupting the freewill of another human being. Constant whining that you should be getting things that you were never entitled to in the first place is illogical and unproductive, and no, I don't particularly care that someone gets their feelings hurt by hearing that whining about said issue is illogical and unproductive. I'm not one of those souls who feels WP should be an endless river of meaningless compliments uttered by faceless strangers to bolster the self-esteem of other faceless strangers.

Being treated humanly and with respect might be a reasonable "right," but sex with someone is not, nor is friendship, love, ect. For example, I will not allow myself to be sent to jail for violated someone's "right to friendship" because I declined their invitation to play D&D. Life sucks, but there it is.

Wow. you live in a pretty bleak world. No one is talking about making happiness a legal right (though it is in the US declaration of independence), nor friendship or love. I just think we live in a world where there are enough other humans who care about their fellow men and women and have good, decent feelings toward others that they want to share. That's how love and friendship happens. That's the world where I live (I actually have love and friends, though not as many as I would like, and I think everyone has that right as human beings). Your tirade is so absurd I debated whether to respond to it at all. But there it is.



XFilesGeek
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09 Oct 2010, 5:02 pm

Quote:
No one is talking about making happiness a legal right (though it is in the US declaration of independence), nor friendship or love.


Which WAS what I was talking about, and, to a lesser degree, the presumed unwritten moral obligations humans feel towards one another.

Quote:
I just think we live in a world where there are enough other humans who care about their fellow men and women and have good, decent feelings toward others that they want to share. That's how love and friendship happens.


And? I don't see how this relates at all to anything I wrote. No one's debating that love and friendship aren't "nice."

Quote:
That's the world where I live (I actually have love and friends, though not as many as I would like, and I think everyone has that right as human beings). Your tirade is so absurd I debated whether to respond to it at all. But there it is.


What "right" are you refering to? You can have as many friends as you like, but you're not inherently entitled to friends (or love, or sex, or money) by virtue of being human. I fail to understand your use of the word "right" in this context.


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bee33
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10 Oct 2010, 1:17 am

XFilesGeek wrote:
What "right" are you refering to? You can have as many friends as you like, but you're not inherently entitled to friends (or love, or sex, or money) by virtue of being human. I fail to understand your use of the word "right" in this context.

You seem to think that having a right to something means somehow forcing someone to give it to you. That's not what a right is. How do you feel about human rights? Don't you think people are entitled to them even if they have no way of getting them? What about food and shelter? Not all societies provide them but they are nevertheless a basic human right. Why shouldn't love and happiness count among these rights as well?