the reasons why no girl loves me

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LePetitPrince
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23 May 2006, 6:01 pm

here the reason why a girl loves me :
- I am short (165cm) .....so you have to omit abt 50% of girls in my population who are taller than 165 cm ...
- Not really attractive ....
-tiny body
-.....and most of all I don't love myself.

and the last point is the most important point ....how anybody can love me if I can't love myself???....( sometimes I insult myself :( )

what to do?



sc
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23 May 2006, 9:00 pm

I think there are many ladies out there. They do not view you as you view yourself of course.

What I think is I will find one eventually, well or the lady will find me.

I'm 5'7, not sure if that is short or not...



jellynail
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23 May 2006, 9:20 pm

Stop focusing on yourself so much. Don't obsess over the things you have no control over. Focus on the women you're interested in, be interested in her, ask her questions about herself.

Unless the idea displeases you, don't automatically assume any woman taller than you is off limits. Lots of women would find that appealing. Sounds like you're making excuses to avoid trying to pick up women in the first place.

Don't make chatting up women into a huge ordeal. Adopt a strategy of asking lots of women per night. Don't try to pick up each woman in a group, one after another, because that won't work. Other than that, though, feel free to approach any woman who appeals to you. Do it in a quick and carefree manner; no need to feel crushed by each rejection, just move on to the next attractive lady. You only need to find one at a time who'll say yes.


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lowfreq50
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23 May 2006, 10:04 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
here the reason why a girl loves me :
- I am short (165cm) .....so you have to omit abt 50% of girls in my population who are taller than 165 cm ...
- Not really attractive ....
-tiny body
-.....and most of all I don't love myself.

and the last point is the most important point ....how anybody can love me if I can't love myself???....( sometimes I insult myself :( )

what to do?


Is there a way you can learn to love yourself, or at least make it look like you do?



Space
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24 May 2006, 1:11 am

If you're short and small, then go lift weights till you get big, then buy a really nice car, and maybe get some of those shoes that add a couple inches to your height. But if you have enough skill and can play to your strengths you could easily get a girl who likes you for you.



Elanivalae
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24 May 2006, 1:15 am

I've never known a woman who cared that much about height. However, many are turned off by guys who are constantly worried about their girlfriends being taller than them. No woman wants to have to slouch all the time to avoid hurting her date's ego.

It seems like a lot of guys around here narrow down the field of women they consider appropriate for a relationship quite a bit, and then complain that they can't find anyone. I realize that some people don't find certain heights, hair colors, or whatever attractive, but if that's not the immediate issue, you're eliminating a lot of potential partners for no good reason.

Successful relationships, at least any I've ever been in, don't start with people saying, "I want one with brown hair, big boobs, and between five foot three and five foot six." They start with people who bump into each other by chance, or meet at school or work, or share some kind of activity they're interested in, and then get to talking and realizing they have something in common. I met my husband at a game of Scrabble held in our college dorm on a night that everyone had been snowed in. I almost didn't go to it at all; I certainly wasn't going to find a boyfriend. I'm socially awkward at best, but I gave it a go, and lo and behold someone actually talked with me.

Talk to people, pay a little attention to the things you do that are misinterpreted most in first encounters, and these things will more than likely come with time. Maybe you'll never date a supermodel, or the one girl that you have a crush on. Maybe the girl you never notice because she's just kind of quiet and average is the one who will like you for you and not give a rat's ass that you're an aspie. Maybe you'll never know because you were too worried about the pursuit of the dream date to take the time to talk to her.

Not all women are hung up on finding a tall, dark, and handsome guy with an expensive car. Maybe most women your age are; that's a possibility. But I don't know any who are actually dating or married to a guy like that. Women may date men for those superficial reasons, the shallower of us may marry them for such reasons, but no one actually loves a guy because he's tall. A woman loves a guy for the way he treats her, for his sense of humor, for his idealism, for his intellect, for his talents, for his passions, for his endearing foibles. A woman loves a man because she can look at him and talk to him and see that she'll be happy doing that same thing in the future. If what you want is just meaningless contact, then yes, appearance and whatnot is the big deal-breaker. But if you actually want someone to love you, want someone to be in a lasting relationship, then you're paying attention to the wrong things.



Space
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24 May 2006, 1:22 am

Elanivalae, how old are you? 45?



Elanivalae
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24 May 2006, 1:25 am

Space wrote:
Elanivalae, how old are you? 45?


No; why, does it matter?



Space
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24 May 2006, 1:41 am

I'm just asking because usually the women I know who give the sort of advice you've given are older. I agree with what you said, but it doesn't make dating that much easier when you're in your twenties, those are often the shallow years for many people :lol:



Comkeen
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24 May 2006, 1:41 am

Elanivalae, you're nice, almost too nice. I'm an average lookin' bloke (maybe below average) but I try to be presentable as possible. I go to the gym 3 times a week, and while Im not skinny I weight 175 so Im getting there. But even still, most of the women I talk to end up ignoring me. I'm not talking about the hot blonde, BTW, these are the pretty "average" looking females who I find myself most attracted to. But like I said, I get ignored and they go and slobber all over the taller or better looking guys. WTF am I supposed to do? Im doing everything I can to increase my chances. People say that love is a game of chance - that you have to "run" into that right person. Thats a big load of crap. If the genes you have are like a stack of cards, then life delt me all the worst ones and Im SOL.

Its all about looks, no matter how much people deny it.



Space
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24 May 2006, 1:51 am

I mostly agree with you. But looks alone don't guarantee you're going to get the girl, you need the personality, or "game", to back it up. I'm 6'2 and have a pretty muscular build, and my women friends always tell me their friends think I'm hot or they ask me why I don't have a girlfriend... but since my personality/social skills are s**t, I never get very far. I don't understand the rules of contemporary dating, it just gets worse every year :lol:



Elanivalae
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24 May 2006, 2:19 am

Space wrote:
I'm just asking because usually the women I know who give the sort of advice you've given are older. I agree with what you said, but it doesn't make dating that much easier when you're in your twenties, those are often the shallow years for many people :lol:


No, it doesn't. People in their twenties are generally pretty shallow. :/ It's why I prefer to socialize with older people when I bother to socialize at all. I figure there's nothing I can say that will make it any easier, because it just plain sucks. But maybe I can spare someone from making the exact same mistakes I did, or that people I know have made, and it'll help a little. *shrugs*

Comkeen, it's not all about looks. But it is, unfortunately, more about looks the younger you are. Love is largely a game of chance, but it's a rigged game, and some people have it better than others. However, most people do eventually end up with someone, at least for a while.

My advice to you, just from the perspective of a female, would be to talk to older women. Aim post-college, if you can -- they're more mature, less shallow. And spend more time cultivating friendships with women before trying to proceed to the romantic stage. Dating is really hit or miss; you've got better chances at being in a relationship with someone if you already know you have something in common.



CockneyRebel
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24 May 2006, 6:51 am

But, size doesn't matter! :P



Xuincherguixe
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24 May 2006, 7:44 am

Elanivalae wrote:
A woman loves a guy for the way he treats her, for his sense of humor, for his idealism, for his intellect, for his talents, for his passions, for his endearing foibles. A woman loves a man because she can look at him and talk to him and see that she'll be happy doing that same thing in the future.


I so hope you're right about that. Because if so then I actually stand some kind of a chance.



TheGreyBadger
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24 May 2006, 8:11 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
here the reason why a girl loves me :
- I am short (165cm) .....so you have to omit abt 50% of girls in my population who are taller than 165 cm ...
- Not really attractive ....
-tiny body
-.....and most of all I don't love myself.

and the last point is the most important point ....how anybody can love me if I can't love myself???....( sometimes I insult myself :( )

what to do?


Given the reasons you've given ...

Go read every book Lois McMaster Bujold has ever written which stars Miles Vorkosigan.