the reasons why no girl loves me

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TigerFire
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24 May 2006, 9:29 am

Space wrote:
If you're short and small, then go lift weights till you get big, then buy a really nice car, and maybe get some of those shoes that add a couple inches to your height. But if you have enough skill and can play to your strengths you could easily get a girl who likes you for you.


Yes but there's a flaw in what you said. I don't think a girl would like you for someone who you aren't. Just be yourself that's I would say.


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emp
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24 May 2006, 5:24 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:
here the reason why no girl loves me :
....
most of all I don't love myself.

and the last point is the most important point ....how anybody can love me if I can't love myself???


I must agree with you on this. If you do not love yourself, then obtaining and maintaining a successful relationship will be much more difficult. When you say "love myself", I know you do not mean in an egotistical/narcissistic way. You mean in the healthy way of being happy with who you have chosen to be, etc. I agree with you, that is most important.

But do not be sad about this because you can make an effort to learn to love yourself by doing whatever you need to do to achieve this. Typically this means changing things about yourself until you become what you want to be, and then you can love/like yourself.

I will not lie to you like annoying people who write responses along the lines of, "Oh it will be alright, you can stay the same as you are currently and you'll be fine". Such people are trying to be nice but I think their well-intended comments are actually unrealistic and damaging.

So you ask, "what to do?". I cannot tell you how to love/like yourself because it should be something that you do yourself, as it is different for each person. I suggest thinking about ways in which you can learn to love yourself in a healthy manner. It may take a month or 2 of thinking about it on and off and in idle periods until you eventually decide on a plan. Then stick to your plan and do whatever you need to do to love yourself. For example, you might identify several aspects about yourself that you dislike and want to change. And then you work on changing them, and once you succeed, then you will start to love yourself and also be proud of yourself for making the effort to change into what you want to be.

For example, a person might decide that 1 thing they dislike about themselves is that they are physically unfit. Having realized this, they can then work on it and become physically fit over 6 months. Once that goal is achieved, it becomes easier to for them to like themselves. Make an effort, it is well worth it.

You might also have to test-drive several things before you finally settle on what you want to be, or what you want to change about yourself, etc. This is normal and OK. It is a process of trial and discovery. Some things you might try and then realize that actually this is not what you want. Not a problem, just try something else. You will work it out and refine it over time, and gradually like yourself more and more.



Last edited by emp on 24 May 2006, 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LePetitPrince
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24 May 2006, 5:25 pm

hmm guys nd gals....reread my topic! .....it s not just abt height but it s a combo of many things

and no i am not looking for a model ... i am looking for someone of average looking....someone like myself .



Elanivalae
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24 May 2006, 11:47 pm

emp wrote:
I will not lie to you like annoying people who write responses along the lines of, "Oh it will be alright, you can stay the same as you are currently and you'll be fine". Such people are trying to be nice but I think their well-intended comments are actually unrealistic and damaging.


o_O Who said that? I reread the thread and didn't see anyone saying it, so I admit I'm rather confused as to where you're getting that.



emp
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25 May 2006, 12:48 am

Elanivalae wrote:
emp wrote:
I will not lie to you like annoying people who write responses along the lines of, "Oh it will be alright, you can stay the same as you are currently and you'll be fine". Such people are trying to be nice but I think their well-intended comments are actually unrealistic and damaging.


o_O Who said that? I reread the thread and didn't see anyone saying it, so I admit I'm rather confused as to where you're getting that.


I was just speaking in general, not refering to any person in this thread.



Elanivalae
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25 May 2006, 1:06 am

emp wrote:
Elanivalae wrote:
emp wrote:
I will not lie to you like annoying people who write responses along the lines of, "Oh it will be alright, you can stay the same as you are currently and you'll be fine". Such people are trying to be nice but I think their well-intended comments are actually unrealistic and damaging.


o_O Who said that? I reread the thread and didn't see anyone saying it, so I admit I'm rather confused as to where you're getting that.


I was just speaking in general, not refering to any person in this thread.


Ah, okay. That makes a lot more sense. Sorry, I can be rather obtuse sometimes. -_-;

I'm inclined to agree with the rest of emp's post, but I do think there's a point at which one has to be accepting of one's own personality. Surely you can change your physical appearance to a certain extent; you can work on social skills and conversational repertoire; you can gain knowledge and practice talents to like yourself more, but loving yourself on some level has to be about who you are and not who you could be if you lost fifteen pounds or learned how to juggle or got a lot better at playing tennis.

It's a great idea to take action to change the things about yourself that you dislike, and doing that will probably help you a lot. But you also have to pay some attention to the things about yourself that you do like. If you're proud of your tenacity, or of your intellect, or of some other thing that means a lot to you that other people don't always notice right away, you can love yourself for those things without it being narcissism, and while someone might not immediately notice that you're a very loyal person, or that you are great at drawing, or something, they will notice the confidence that can come with taking pride in one's positive attributes.

And, well, an awful lot of people say that confidence is a turn-on, so it sure can't hurt. :)



emp
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25 May 2006, 2:20 am

Elanivalae wrote:
I'm inclined to agree with the rest of emp's post, but I do think there's a point at which one has to be accepting of one's own personality.

Like many things, a reasonable balance is required, yes. A good thing can become bad if you take it to an extreme.



Aspie_Chav
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25 May 2006, 8:55 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
But, size doesn't matter! :P


I am very tall and gifted and my luck with woman realy suck. The problam is probably down to having Aspergers Syndrome not so much size.



LePetitPrince
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25 May 2006, 1:30 pm

emp wrote:
LePetitPrince wrote:
here the reason why no girl loves me :
....
most of all I don't love myself.

and the last point is the most important point ....how anybody can love me if I can't love myself???


I must agree with you on this. If you do not love yourself, then obtaining and maintaining a successful relationship will be much more difficult. When you say "love myself", I know you do not mean in an egotistical/narcissistic way. You mean in the healthy way of being happy with who you have chosen to be, etc. I agree with you, that is most important.

But do not be sad about this because you can make an effort to learn to love yourself by doing whatever you need to do to achieve this. Typically this means changing things about yourself until you become what you want to be, and then you can love/like yourself.

I will not lie to you like annoying people who write responses along the lines of, "Oh it will be alright, you can stay the same as you are currently and you'll be fine". Such people are trying to be nice but I think their well-intended comments are actually unrealistic and damaging.

So you ask, "what to do?". I cannot tell you how to love/like yourself because it should be something that you do yourself, as it is different for each person. I suggest thinking about ways in which you can learn to love yourself in a healthy manner. It may take a month or 2 of thinking about it on and off and in idle periods until you eventually decide on a plan. Then stick to your plan and do whatever you need to do to love yourself. For example, you might identify several aspects about yourself that you dislike and want to change. And then you work on changing them, and once you succeed, then you will start to love yourself and also be proud of yourself for making the effort to change into what you want to be.

For example, a person might decide that 1 thing they dislike about themselves is that they are physically unfit. Having realized this, they can then work on it and become physically fit over 6 months. Once that goal is achieved, it becomes easier to for them to like themselves. Make an effort, it is well worth it.

You might also have to test-drive several things before you finally settle on what you want to be, or what you want to change about yourself, etc. This is normal and OK. It is a process of trial and discovery. Some things you might try and then realize that actually this is not what you want. Not a problem, just try something else. You will work it out and refine it over time, and gradually like yourself more and more.


hmmm didn't notice this post before .....
thanks i find it most realistic



TigerFire
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26 May 2006, 8:04 pm

What kind of person are you actually looking for?


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voss749
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31 May 2006, 9:55 pm

There are plenty of cute asian girls who are 5 feet tall, who would have no problem with a 5 foot 6 guy.



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25 Jun 2006, 7:38 am

If I say to people I have never had a girlfriend and never dated either, they would be puzzled. Even before I lost weight I was considered a handsome guy (I was 80kgs, now down to 73kgs and gained some muscle). I work out at the gym to keep fit, keep my weight down and improve my self esteem. I've had lesser attractive women wonder why such an handsome guy was interested in them.

My main reasons why I do not have a girlfriend is that I am shy, have been very socially isolated, my social skills are bad, also on top of that I have little self esteem and confidence. Stuff I really want to work on.



MagicMike
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25 Jun 2006, 8:56 pm

Why I don't have a gf:

I'm horridly shy/stupid among females. Occasionally I snap and say/do things that creep them out. I have a strong personality...too strong.



Barracuda
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25 Jun 2006, 10:04 pm

Comkeen wrote:
Its all about looks, no matter how much people deny it.
Wrong it's all about biology, and physical attraction isn't the only thing with that.
LePetitPrince, remember: chicks dig scrawny pale guys.
/ducks
Remember, you don't have to love yourself, just be on the level where you can speak with yourself.



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27 Jun 2006, 4:09 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
here the reason why a girl loves me :
- I am short (165cm) .....so you have to omit abt 50% of girls in my population who are taller than 165 cm ...
- Not really attractive ....
-tiny body
-.....and most of all I don't love myself.

and the last point is the most important point ....how anybody can love me if I can't love myself???....( sometimes I insult myself :( )

what to do?


Your last point is really the only relevant one.

Believe it or not there are people out there who seek every conceivable appearance type and body type. And every conceivable level of height. Some girls do like a guy about their size and they are petite too etc.

Try to get out of the habit of insulting yourself... I felt funny doing daily affirmations but some say it works. You can try it. Stand before a mirror and say one good thing about yourself. Do that every day. Eventually get it to two things, three things, etc. Smile more. Supposedly smiling does have an effect to make you feel better for real. It will also tend to draw others to you easier.

Be patient... get involved diong things you love... that will also attract others to you for more than appearance. Not everyone is hung up on a certain appearance and others also like you just how you are already. As I said not everyone is after the same thing.

In other words do things to build up your self image that are not related to appearance... it isn't all that people look for anyway. And as I said... to repeat... someone out there wants someone who looks just like you: as the saying goes 'there is a lid for every pot'.