I should like to pour out my heart if i may.

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Xanderbeanz
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01 Oct 2010, 3:09 pm

i am starting this topic as i would like to feel some empathy. i know we are not supposed to feel it (wink wink) but we do, massive cascades of empathy for people in a similar position to us. the reason that NTs suppose that we don't have it is for one reason...their lives are nothing like ours, we have little common ground...i have heard stories of aspies struggling that have brought about enough empathy to bring me to tears...

anyhow, i was bullied for a great time during my youth, massive vicious cascades of bullying that left me a crippled, destroyed human being...massive rejections from females that left me all but emasculated...

i became very ill for a great period of my life, my best was awkwardness, my lowest was the abyss...being a musical genius was my gift, but it was hard to use as the lucky and the best lookers were the ones who made it in the fickle post 70s/80s (golden age of music) period...

anyhow, i got myself together, found an amazingly understanding girl and became happy...i found out who i was, a pretty, cute, giggly, effeminate, "goth" aspie synth player in a very exciting band...it then started to happen, through genes and no fault of my own, my hair started to fall out...

i had no concept of being a "man" a manly being who was susceptible to this hairloss thing...i managed to cover up my loss (still do to a slightly less good level using thickening cream and blow drying my hair in a certain direction) but it's a complete b***h...the moment i felt secure and happy as a pretty and confident person my hair is being taken away from me, i can't have the madly thick fringe japanese and emo (hate the word but it will give you a pointer) inspired haircuts that i know make me look attractive.

i;m slowly coming to terms with it, started to cut my own hair as no hairdresser seems to grasp the perfect length i need for a cover up (they all cut it too short!) it has to be long enough to be pretty and girly but short enough to make a fake hairline and not be blown about too much....but i have at times felt suicidal. A glimmer of hope is that, once me and my girl are married (a thing to happen in the next two years once i save up for a ring) we can then save up for a hair transplant for me, she has even offered to give me some of her harvested hair (how sweet eh!) but at the moment i'm still feeling very insecure. i KNOW that any words of sympathy or empathy that you send my way will make me feel better, i know some of you guys will be thinking "what a lucky guy, he found a girl! what's his problem" but i know others may look kinder on my plight.

thanks for reading this TOO MUCH TXT post.

xanny juno x

it's so hard to have come so far and then be knocked back...anyhow i know that any words of support



sluice
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01 Oct 2010, 3:34 pm

Yeah, just shave your head. Guys look better without hair. Women are too fickle about what they like anyhow. You start trying to please someone else and you will never get done.



Corum
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01 Oct 2010, 3:41 pm

Hey Xander, I feel your pain. Having found a way to be happy despite the problems you've had, it must seem insanely unfair to start losing your hair now. I'm not sure if this is what Sluice meant - he's right about not living just to please others - but I think you really want to be the guy with the crazy anime hair in the band, and shaved isn't the same. However, one option would be to get a wig thats exactly how you want, and use that, even if it means actually shaving your head and wearing it permanently. Just an idea - I know nothing about hair, sorry.

And we DO have empathy. We have emotions. We can be hurt. We feel emotional pain. We can empathise with others too, like I feel bad for your situation despite being an Aspie. However, lacking the millions of "mirror neurons" or whatever NT people have, I don't know what it feels like for them but apparently they find it easier to identify and really feel others' emotions. Doesn't mean we can't, just we need them explaining the way your post explained your feelings, and I guess they get it like in High Def or something.

Anyway, all the best whatever solution you decide, but don't let the hair loss thing stop you doing what makes you happy. We'll be thinking of you.

Take Care,
Corum.



Xanderbeanz
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01 Oct 2010, 3:52 pm

lol i would probably go down the wig route if i could...but the gf says no, it would be weird to date a wig-wearer...i kinda see her point, there's some kinda stigma.x



tonin
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01 Oct 2010, 5:22 pm

My fiance is losing his hair. He has the mad scientist look about him! I love it and encourage him to grow his curls out around his growing bald patch to emphasise it. He's a bit paranoid of all the aging stuff but I try to encourage him to embrace his personal genetic style.

Losing your hair as a women is terrifying! After a nasty incident during an India trip I was so stressed I lost half my hair.

There is a belief among some women that male baldness is a sign of virility. :wink:



quiet_dove
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01 Oct 2010, 5:31 pm

I think bald men look incredibly sexy. I mean, just look at Taye Diggs, Patrick Stewart, Bruce Willis, and Vin Diesel. All of them are able to rock the bald-headed look, and so can you. Why not just go for it and shave your head?


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