Who has it easier in your opinion...women or men.

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zen_mistress
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02 Oct 2010, 3:00 pm

Guys on this board say "I would like to be asked out first."

Well in my experience, Aspie men like being asked out to lunch, or a date. They are very happy.

If you ask many NT men out for a date though, they act like you are Glenn Close out of Fatal Attraction. He thinks: Oh no, she asked me out, she must be obsessed with me. How do I get out of this? I dont want a girl who wants me, I want a girl so I can chase her.. and says "Haha, dont you think that is a bit soon? I tell you what, perhaps we can meet for lunch in a few weeks.. I am kind of busy..."

Believe me I got put off asking men out a long time ago.


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League_Girl
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02 Oct 2010, 3:14 pm

In my experience, women. If it weren't for my gender, I'd still be single and be all depressed because I have no one and can't find a woman. But as a woman, men came to me. All I needed was to be female and have a diaper fetish and I got all these men who were into it too and wanted to find a woman who has it too.

But I was lucky to find a man to accept me. I found relationships hard and didn't think I'd ever have one because I was unable to meet a guy's standards and follow the relationship rules. Talk about laziness.



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02 Oct 2010, 3:21 pm

ApsieGuy wrote:
IdahoRose wrote:
I think men have it easier because:

-They don't bleed every month
-There's no risk of them getting pregnant
-There's less pressure for them to be physically attractive
-They get paid more at work
-When dating, they're the ones who get to make the 1st move

But I do understand that there are cons to being a guy too, such as the pressure to be the "breadwinner" and "protector". For example, my dad has symptoms of being on the autistic spectrum, but this frustrates my mom and makes her angry with him because she wants him to be her "protector". On the other hand, I am more autistic than my dad, but my mom pities me and doesn't expect anything out of me. This is partially due to me being a girl and dad being a guy, but also due to husband/wife dynamics vs. mother/daughter dynamics.



LOL at this statement.


-They don't bleed every month

It's once a month...not bad

-There's no risk of them getting pregnant

Use protection..

Pills...condoms. No, it isn't gaureunteed. However, it greatly reduces the chances

-There's less pressure for them to be physically attractive

You got me there

-They get paid more at work

Depends. A nurse is a nurse...an engineer is an engineer. However, it probably is easier for me to advance to management.


-When dating, they're the ones who get to make the 1st move

I would rather have a girl ask me out...



Women can bleed more than once a month due to irregular periods but birth control helps that. But if they can't afford it, they're screwed.

Protection doesn't always help, you can still get pregnant. Miss a pill or use an expired condom. It increases the chances of getting pregnant. Other birth control methods can fail too.



ApsieGuy
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02 Oct 2010, 3:56 pm

League_Girl wrote:
In my experience, women. If it weren't for my gender, I'd still be single and be all depressed because I have no one and can't find a woman. But as a woman, men came to me. All I needed was to be female and have a diaper fetish and I got all these men who were into it too and wanted to find a woman who has it too.

But I was lucky to find a man to accept me. I found relationships hard and didn't think I'd ever have one because I was unable to meet a guy's standards and follow the relationship rules. Talk about laziness.


So, its safe to say that who has it easier in LIFE is debatable

However, when it comes to dating and relationship expectations...women defiantly have it easier



quiet_dove
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02 Oct 2010, 4:00 pm

ApsieGuy wrote:
However, when it comes to dating and relationship expectations...women defiantly have it easier

Not if we have social anxiety, and thus, we're too afraid to put ourselves out there. Your arrogance is astounding.


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menintights
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02 Oct 2010, 4:01 pm

Assembly wrote:
If you're like me and couldn't care less about relationships, then I'd say guys have it easier - well, as an adult atleast (guys are more often subjected to physical bullying). If finding the love of your life or just dating in general is important to you however, and you happen to me male,well good luck. The gender double standards are ridiculous when it comes to dating. Most guys are too desperate anyway, no wonder why girls have the upper hand. However, I'd take my period free months any day. Being a female aspie must be really hard. You're sort of stuck in the middle, while aspie guys can identify with other males (with similar interests).

Quote:
and have a harder time getting into things that are stereotypically "smart", like medical school, advanced placement classes, or jobs in science and technology.
Med school is dominated by females, atleast at my university. I'd estimate 60-70% females and 30-40% males. I agree about the jobs in science part , but being accepted into a program depends on your grades (and girls receive higher grades on average). However girls tend to chose stereotypical female professions, either because it's 'socially accepted' or out of interests. Girls in general also like people professions, but they'd get accepted into more scientific programs, if they wanted to.


Callista was referring to the little to no expectations that (conventionally) attractive females have. After all, the whole reason females are on this planet is simply to decorate the world and to take care of trivial issues that even their tiny brains can comprehend. God forbid an already attractive female--who don't have to compensate for their ugliness like those ugly feminists do--would have higher goals than that.

By the way, the insinuation that females have themselves to blame for not being part of scientific programs more often is crap:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13830803/

Quote:
However, when it comes to dating and relationship expectations...women defiantly have it easier


Yeah, because all women have to do is to look hot, isn't it? Whereas women are so damn picky they have the guts to expect their man to have a job, be assertive, and basically not be an as*hole. Yeah, even the ugly ones!



Last edited by menintights on 02 Oct 2010, 4:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

quiet_dove
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02 Oct 2010, 4:03 pm

Nevermind.


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Last edited by quiet_dove on 02 Oct 2010, 8:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cnidocyte
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02 Oct 2010, 4:12 pm

Men have it much easier. Especially as kids and teenagers, we just have to be brave and tough which comes easy when you accept the fact that you're going to die some day so nothing really matters. Having mild autism makes things much harder though because as a man you're expected to have the social skills as a front for what you are on the inside and if you don't have them people assume you're nothing on the inside too. Growing up I destroyed a good few unsuspecting people in fights who severely underestimated me because I was "shy". This earned me respect and a reputation and I learned an important lesson. People don't judge you for what you are, they judge you for what they think you are.



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02 Oct 2010, 5:00 pm

Quote:
Pressures of being a women:

Looking really pretty.
Have kids



Wow. I didn't even realise that those were my only concerns. I thought, rather, that they weren't even on my agenda and that I had more pressing concerns such as whether or not I can survive on my own when I can't find enough work to support myself the fact that something is wrong physically and I can't afford a doctor, being a lot of the time exhausted and overwhelmed, and whether or not life is worth the effort anyway, plus a few dozen other things that are compounded by high levels of anxiety + OCD. How silly of me. I should have been worrying about makeup.
Thank you kindly for enlightening me.

I'm sure, too, that men will be thrilled to know that they now have only 3 worries.


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02 Oct 2010, 8:00 pm

IdahoRose wrote:
-When dating, they're the ones who get to make the 1st move


LOL NO.


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Hector
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02 Oct 2010, 8:36 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
Guys on this board say "I would like to be asked out first."

Well in my experience, Aspie men like being asked out to lunch, or a date. They are very happy.

If you ask many NT men out for a date though, they act like you are Glenn Close out of Fatal Attraction. He thinks: Oh no, she asked me out, she must be obsessed with me. How do I get out of this? I dont want a girl who wants me, I want a girl so I can chase her.. and says "Haha, dont you think that is a bit soon? I tell you what, perhaps we can meet for lunch in a few weeks.. I am kind of busy..."

Believe me I got put off asking men out a long time ago.

What do you think of the possibility that those guys were not really interested in you to begin with? This explanation conforms to my own intuitions better than the notion that men generally want to make things more difficult for themselves. Or perhaps your approach was too abrupt. I'm perhaps not being very sensitive here, but ultimately I do not want women to get the impression that there is something inherently wrong in making the first move, because I think it is a doctrine acting against their own interests.

I won't argue with any of the other cases for women having it harder. I feel fortunate to have been born male, in most respects.



zen_mistress
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02 Oct 2010, 10:04 pm

Hector wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
Guys on this board say "I would like to be asked out first."

Well in my experience, Aspie men like being asked out to lunch, or a date. They are very happy.

If you ask many NT men out for a date though, they act like you are Glenn Close out of Fatal Attraction. He thinks: Oh no, she asked me out, she must be obsessed with me. How do I get out of this? I dont want a girl who wants me, I want a girl so I can chase her.. and says "Haha, dont you think that is a bit soon? I tell you what, perhaps we can meet for lunch in a few weeks.. I am kind of busy..."

Believe me I got put off asking men out a long time ago.

What do you think of the possibility that those guys were not really interested in you to begin with? This explanation conforms to my own intuitions better than the notion that men generally want to make things more difficult for themselves. Or perhaps your approach was too abrupt. I'm perhaps not being very sensitive here, but ultimately I do not want women to get the impression that there is something inherently wrong in making the first move, because I think it is a doctrine acting against their own interests.

I won't argue with any of the other cases for women having it harder. I feel fortunate to have been born male, in most respects.


A number of years ago it happened. It was a guy who had liked me and shown a lot of interest in me, but he wanted to be the one who had the control over when we dated.

He seemed to only show interest in me if I wasnt interested in him. He said "We should meet for lunch." I said, "I am free this Saturday." Then he said "Um, I dont know what I am doing. I will let you know." I said "well, I am free this Saturday, but am going away for 2 weeks afterwards. i can meet up on the 27th when i get back."

So I get back and I never hear from him.

2 months later I start dating someone else. A few weeks into it he texts and wants to meet up. I tell him I am now seeing someone. He then proceeds to text me on and off for 3 weeks with stuff like "You are really attractive, I was hoping to go out with you." and stuff like that. One evening it went on for about 2 hours, his texts, he wouldnt stop texting me.

So, you can interpret that situation as you will. I still say that a lot of men like to be in control and dont appreciate being asked out. That was not the last time something like that happened to me.

The book "The Rules" states that a woman should never ask a man out. I agree with it in regards to many men.


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Hector
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02 Oct 2010, 10:27 pm

I don't know about your experiences but this guy sounds strange to me, and not really perceptive or mature enough to recognise his opportunities or know when they had passed. I doubt this judgment of mine is founded on what makes me different (I think most men would say this), and I really doubt you would have gone anywhere with him even if you were more guarded about seeing him.

Assuming that The Rules is right much of the time (I haven't bothered checking whether it is), I'm not accepting an argument from authority with respect to it. As it is, I think they're basically wrong. There may be some truth to it for two reasons. Firstly, men may be taken by surprise by women showing overt interest, but more because it's never occurred to them that anyone would do this than that it is inherently against their sensibilities. Secondly, you may find your interest is not reciprocated, perhaps even most of the time, which is just tough luck. Both of these issues are, to a greater or lesser extent, the same issues men face.



Last edited by Hector on 02 Oct 2010, 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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02 Oct 2010, 10:28 pm

What if I don't want to look really pretty? What if I'm happy, looking like one of The Kinks? No wonder I hate my gender.


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02 Oct 2010, 10:36 pm

Only speaking for myself, other things being equal I think I have it much easier than a man. I have never been assertive and said "no" in my life unless it was to someone I was very familiar with - which would probably left me much more open to being taken advantage of if I were a woman. Also, being in the presence of others and not talking - and this might vary some from culture to culture - but from my experience I've always gotten the sense I am under much less pressure to interact when I can't/don't want to than if I were female. I won't be so bold as to speak for others beyond myself. We are a diverse bunch and some of the considerations most important to me don't apply to others.



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02 Oct 2010, 10:36 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
What if I don't want to look really pretty? What if I'm happy, looking like one of The Kinks? No wonder I hate my gender.


Than you should do just that. Living your life the way others want you to and trying to conform to some unrealistic ridiculous standards will only make you unhappy. I'd rather live completely isolated than worry all the time if others approve of me.


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