Who has it easier in your opinion...women or men.

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zen_mistress
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02 Oct 2010, 10:40 pm

Hector wrote:
I don't know about your experiences but this guy sounds strange to me, and not really perceptive or mature enough to recognise his opportunities or know when they had passed. I doubt this judgment of mine is founded on what makes me different (I think most men would say this), and I really doubt you would have gone anywhere with him even if you were more guarded about seeing him.

Assuming that The Rules is right much of the time (I haven't bothered checking whether it is), I'm not accepting an argument from authority with respect to it. As it is, I think they're basically wrong. There may be some truth to it for two reasons. Firstly, men may be taken by surprise by women showing overt interest, but more because it's never occurred to them that anyone would do this than that it is inherently against their sensibilities. Secondly, you may find your interest is not reciprocated, perhaps even most of the time, which is just tough luck. Both of these issues are, to a greater or lesser extent, the same issues men face.


About him not being mature enough, he was 30 at the time, he had had plenty of time to develop some maturity.

Also you say that maybe he was taken by surprise at me showing overt interest. well all i said was "yes, we could have lunch on Saturday." It is not like i started sending pictures of wedding colours to him, so how is that overt?

About my interest not being reciprocated, well it was reciprocated, but clearly only on his terms. And it is not like the guy was strange, as I have had this happen to me a few times, and I have seen a number of female friends have crappy dating experiences happen to them too.

The fact is, the dating world is a jungle for both genders. Even many people who are married find themselves back in it if their marriage breaks up.

I think that AS men in particular have it hard though for specific reasons, related to their difficulties in communication.
Then again I have had some relationships fail with men who were very empathetic and thought i was some sort of terrible robotic being.


So, to sum it up, the dating world can be fun, or it can really suck, depending on whether you are in a dry patch or not.

People of both genders can behave well, or badly, depending on how plentiful their options are.


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zen_mistress
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02 Oct 2010, 10:44 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
What if I don't want to look really pretty? What if I'm happy, looking like one of The Kinks? No wonder I hate my gender.


One can look pretty, dressed in a Kinks Tshirt. :)


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Horus
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02 Oct 2010, 10:48 pm

How is this topic related to autism anyway?


I love it how everything I post in this forum is related to ASD/AS/NVLD and neurological disorders in general and I usually receive no more than 20 replies.

OTOH... "fluff" like this which belongs on the Cosmo magazine forum, or at least, on the adult forum, random forum, etc...gets hundreds of posts sometimes.


We also have threads with titles like "do you blink your eyes alot?"

Then ten people reply "yes" and seems like there's a collective implication that people with AS blink their eyes alot. :roll:


In any case....why bother asking a question like this? There is no meaningful answer as each one will be wholly subjective no matter what and a few will be bias+subjective.



Hector
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02 Oct 2010, 10:50 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
About him not being mature enough, he was 30 at the time, he had had plenty of time to develop some maturity.

Also you say that maybe he was taken by surprise at me showing overt interest. well all i said was "yes, we could have lunch on Saturday." It is not like i started sending pictures of wedding colours to him, so how is that overt?

About my interest not being reciprocated, well it was reciprocated, but clearly only on his terms. And it is not like the guy was strange, as I have had this happen to me a few times, and I have seen a number of female friends have crappy dating experiences happen to them too.

The fact that he was 30 just makes him even stranger, and if this exact phenomenon is a common experience for you then (assuming you don't live in a country with a radically different culture to mine) I suggest that you've been around some strange guys. The other points in my post were about the possibility of being rejected by men who are not particularly strange, perhaps to account for other experiences that you refer to.
zen_mistress wrote:
The fact is, the dating world is a jungle for both genders. Even many people who are married find themselves back in it if their marriage breaks up.

I think that AS men in particular have it hard though for specific reasons, related to their difficulties in communication.
Then again I have had some relationships fail with men who were very empathetic and thought i was some sort of terrible robotic being.


So, to sum it up, the dating world can be fun, or it can really suck, depending on whether you are in a dry patch or not.

People of both genders can behave well, or badly, depending on how plentiful their options are.

None of this is particularly disagreeable, but I don't see what relevance it has.



rmctagg09
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02 Oct 2010, 10:58 pm

Judging from my observations, Aspies and auties of both genders have an equally cruddy time when it comes to dating and relationships of all kinds.



zen_mistress
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02 Oct 2010, 11:02 pm

Hector wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
About him not being mature enough, he was 30 at the time, he had had plenty of time to develop some maturity.

Also you say that maybe he was taken by surprise at me showing overt interest. well all i said was "yes, we could have lunch on Saturday." It is not like i started sending pictures of wedding colours to him, so how is that overt?

About my interest not being reciprocated, well it was reciprocated, but clearly only on his terms. And it is not like the guy was strange, as I have had this happen to me a few times, and I have seen a number of female friends have crappy dating experiences happen to them too.

The fact that he was 30 just makes him even stranger, and if this exact phenomenon is a common experience for you then (assuming you don't live in a country with a radically different culture to mine) I suggest that you've been around some strange guys. The other points in my post were about the possibility of being rejected by men who are not particularly strange, perhaps to account for other experiences that you refer to.
zen_mistress wrote:
The fact is, the dating world is a jungle for both genders. Even many people who are married find themselves back in it if their marriage breaks up.

I think that AS men in particular have it hard though for specific reasons, related to their difficulties in communication.
Then again I have had some relationships fail with men who were very empathetic and thought i was some sort of terrible robotic being.


So, to sum it up, the dating world can be fun, or it can really suck, depending on whether you are in a dry patch or not.

People of both genders can behave well, or badly, depending on how plentiful their options are.

None of this is particularly disagreeable, but I don't see what relevance it has.


He was not strange at all, he was good looking, well educated, successful. Perhaps you find this behaviour strange because you are a very straightforward person, and you would behave in a straightforward way. But many people live in a complicated social and emotional world which we dont understand. Many games are played. People are not straight with each other and noone really knows what is happening in someone's head, so as a result people act in incredibly weird ways while dating. It is something I have seen happening quite a bit.


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bee33
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02 Oct 2010, 11:16 pm

I have both AS and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I am not able to support myself. At 46. my parents support me. I think that if I was a man that would feel even more shameful. Yes, I know it's not my fault, but I feel very sheepish about it nevertheless. I think a man in my position would be made to feel even more like a loser.

I know that we live in a sexist society where men have quite a few advantages, but I guess I feel like some things are not judged as harshly in women.



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03 Oct 2010, 12:12 am

HAHA you think those are the only pressures on women? :)



ReallyGoodName
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27 Oct 2010, 4:23 am

IdahoRose wrote:
I think men have it easier because:

-They don't bleed every month
-There's no risk of them getting pregnant
-There's less pressure for them to be physically attractive
-They get paid more at work
-When dating, they're the ones who get to make the 1st move

But I do understand that there are cons to being a guy too, such as the pressure to be the "breadwinner" and "protector". For example, my dad has symptoms of being on the autistic spectrum, but this frustrates my mom and makes her angry with him because she wants him to be her "protector". On the other hand, I am more autistic than my dad, but my mom pities me and doesn't expect anything out of me. This is partially due to me being a girl and dad being a guy, but also due to husband/wife dynamics vs. mother/daughter dynamics.


How is the last one (get to make 1st move) a pro? Especially for a person with Aspergers?

And I have to disagree with you on attractiveness, just my opinion. I know many men (including myself) who will take what they can get. If I was a women, my only worry would be staying in shape and wearing make-up. As a man, I've yet to find a woman who is into fat men. They might SETTLE, but I've never met one who prefers it. I know plenty of men, who like heavier women.



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27 Oct 2010, 4:25 am

hale_bopp wrote:
God, not this crap again...

Women sit down to pee.. does that give any indication of how stupid this thread is?



No.



ReallyGoodName
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27 Oct 2010, 4:32 am

quiet_dove wrote:
ApsieGuy wrote:
I know this is probably not going to end well. However, I guess I wanted everyones aspergers perspective on this matter.


Pressures of being a guy:

-The ability to protect
-The ability to develop a "alpha personality"
-Getting a good job


Pressures of being a women:

Looking really pretty.
Have kids




I guess it's a toss up in my opinion. If a girl is born pretty, she doesn't need to do much

Try having someone kick you in the nuts every month for 7-14 days in a row and then tell me how easy you think it is to be a woman. That's how freaking painful menstrual cramps are for me (and for thousands of other women). Not to mention the nausea and irritability that come along with the cramps. Seriously, being a woman is nowhere near as easy as you seem to think it is.

I mean, try putting on makeup without messing it up, and then tell me how easy that is. Or try having to put together an outfit that's fashionable, all the while not knowing (and not caring) what the hell the current fashions are. Or try having guys treat you like a slab of meat simply because you have big boobs. I'm more than just a walking pair of breasts, you know. Or try having people constantly ask you why you aren't married yet, and why you don't have kids yet. Women who don't ever get married are seen as being broken somehow, while men who never get married are seen as swinging bachelors. How is that fair?

In other words, stop pretending you know what it's like to be a woman, because you don't even know the half of it.


Most of these things have nothing to do with being a women. You are not forced to wear make-up or dress fashionable. any more than men. Women seem to think men care about these things. You should admire...that people admire your breasts. I wish people were as attracted to me as they obviously are to you. Seriously, you consider men finding you attractive a bad thing? I'm more than an obese man, with a beard, but that's all women seem to seem to notice about me. Talk about a double-standard. People asking you why you are not married yet is also a compliment, that is not a con. Nobody thinks that about women, who aren't married, that's just what women like to think. How is any of this fair?



Twolf
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27 Oct 2010, 3:16 pm

Quote:
Who has it easier in your opinion...women or men


Neither.


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MXH
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27 Oct 2010, 3:26 pm

Women by far. As much as the media criticizes the "war on women" in real world conditions women have more power than men. Lets do a couple of examples.
Job interview.
Man goes in dressed up for an office position, talks about why he should have the job blah blah. Woman goes to do the same thing and can if she so wishes to gain an advantage by being flirty to the guy interviewing her while having the same credentials as the man. She is more likely to get the job and theyll call it "being more sociable"

dating.
Last i checked men are usually the ones to get rejected and there are always chubby chasers out there. Again women can use the power of sexual apeal to get things from the men be it a beer or a dinner maybe a movie, again not always the case but it does happen quite a lot.



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27 Oct 2010, 3:41 pm

Quote:
Who has it easier in your opinion...women or men


Orange.


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ediself
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27 Oct 2010, 3:47 pm

i'm sorry....( especially for bumping this thread lol) , but: since when being a woman equates being pretty? never met any ugly woman?
ok, then my opinion: it's easier for men because they all look like brad pitt. all they have to do is wear sunglasses and a white shirt, and a crowd of horny girl gathers. if i was a man, my only concern would be to wear sunglasses. whereas as a woman, i have to raise kids 24/7 and not have a life if i want society to accept me . how is that fair?



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27 Oct 2010, 3:52 pm

ReallyGoodName wrote:
If I was a women, my only worry would be staying in shape and wearing make-up.


QFT by the way, i just loved this :lol: