Are there any GOOD dating sites?

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Grisha
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25 Oct 2011, 12:37 pm

LexF wrote:
Crow_T_Robot wrote:
One of the things that scares me is that I'll be thirty in a few months, and suddenly the twenty-somethings will think I'm "too old". It's kind of like how people won't buy something that's $3.00, but don't have any problem buying the same thing for $2.99.

At least around here, most women my age either have kids, or have a biological clock at five minutes to midnight and want a wedding ring somewhere around the second date. According to online dating sites, there are women who like some of the things I do and whose immediate future plans aren't "ZOMG BABIEZ NAO! !1", but they all live in California or possibly on the moon in some sort of underground bunker.


I am convinced that there is some sort of secret law requiring all women on dating sites to have children or to want to have children immediately. This puzzles me. On the site where I'm a forum mod, I get lots of e-mails, but 92% are from 48-year-old women with three kids who want to argue with me about the fact I won't date a woman with kids. It's
disconcerting.

I have also noticed that it is apparently mandatory for women on dating sites to add "....AND THEY ARE MY WORLD!! !" after any mention of their children.

I am SO glad my spaceship does not stop at that world.


There also seems to be a secret law which requires women to state that they can seamlessly transition from "jeans to heels" for some reason...



Crow_T_Robot
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25 Oct 2011, 12:53 pm

LexF wrote:
I am convinced that there is some sort of secret law requiring all women on dating sites to have children or to want to have children immediately. This puzzles me. On the site where I'm a forum mod, I get lots of e-mails, but 92% are from 48-year-old women with three kids who want to argue with me about the fact I won't date a woman with kids. It's disconcerting.

I have also noticed that it is apparently mandatory for women on dating sites to add "....AND THEY ARE MY WORLD!! !" after any mention of their children.

I am SO glad my spaceship does not stop at that world.


I've noticed that. Along with "My family is very important to me and always comes first. Deal." or somesuch. Which always makes me want to message them with something along the lines of "So I guess this means you wouldn't be interested in forsaking all others and moving into my religious compound down in Texas, huh?"

The worst thing is when they don't mention that they have kids. I had a really cute girl message me and after a coupe of conversations wanted to friend me on Facebook. When I did, the first thing I noticed was the fact that her profile page was dominated by pics of her five-year-old of which she had made no mention of thus far.


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Last edited by Crow_T_Robot on 25 Oct 2011, 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mv
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25 Oct 2011, 12:59 pm

LexF wrote:
Crow_T_Robot wrote:
One of the things that scares me is that I'll be thirty in a few months, and suddenly the twenty-somethings will think I'm "too old". It's kind of like how people won't buy something that's $3.00, but don't have any problem buying the same thing for $2.99.

At least around here, most women my age either have kids, or have a biological clock at five minutes to midnight and want a wedding ring somewhere around the second date. According to online dating sites, there are women who like some of the things I do and whose immediate future plans aren't "ZOMG BABIEZ NAO! !1", but they all live in California or possibly on the moon in some sort of underground bunker.


I am convinced that there is some sort of secret law requiring all women on dating sites to have children or to want to have children immediately. This puzzles me. On the site where I'm a forum mod, I get lots of e-mails, but 92% are from 48-year-old women with three kids who want to argue with me about the fact I won't date a woman with kids. It's disconcerting.

I have also noticed that it is apparently mandatory for women on dating sites to add "....AND THEY ARE MY WORLD!! !" after any mention of their children.

I am SO glad my spaceship does not stop at that world.


I applaud your being upfront with your unwillingness to date people with children already. I think it's kind of silly that people argue with you about it.

That being said, I sure am glad that not everyone thinks like you because then I'd be even more fat-out-of-luck than I already am. :wink: Seriously, what you do think women with custody of their children are supposed to do after they divorce or are widowed? Curl up and die? Date men who are 20 years older than themselves? Have you thought about it at all?

On the topic of dating sites, Match has two options when it comes to children: "Wants children" or "Does not want children". There is no option for "Wants the children she already has, does not want to bear any more children". I think it would be a bit mean-spirited for me as a mother to check "Does not want children". There should also be some way of communicating, "No, I don't want you involved in my children's lives unless our relationship becomes more serious, way down the road."



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25 Oct 2011, 1:20 pm

Crow_T_Robot wrote:
Which always makes me want to message them with something along the lines of "So I guess this means you wouldn't be interested in forsaking all others and moving into my religious compound down in Texas, huh?"



Seriously - try it!

It is fun to see the reaction and serves as a diversion on an otherwise mind-numbingly boring place with shallow people talking about how much they love working out, their friends and travelling. You will probably also find that very few people have a sense of humour...

Once a girl asked "Where are you, the man of my dreams?", i replied: "He is in my basement, send me 100000 or i will send you an ear!" :D


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LexF
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25 Oct 2011, 1:33 pm

Grisha wrote:
LexF wrote:
Crow_T_Robot wrote:
One of the things that scares me is that I'll be thirty in a few months, and suddenly the twenty-somethings will think I'm "too old". It's kind of like how people won't buy something that's $3.00, but don't have any problem buying the same thing for $2.99.

At least around here, most women my age either have kids, or have a biological clock at five minutes to midnight and want a wedding ring somewhere around the second date. According to online dating sites, there are women who like some of the things I do and whose immediate future plans aren't "ZOMG BABIEZ NAO! !1", but they all live in California or possibly on the moon in some sort of underground bunker.


I am convinced that there is some sort of secret law requiring all women on dating sites to have children or to want to have children immediately. This puzzles me. On the site where I'm a forum mod, I get lots of e-mails, but 92% are from 48-year-old women with three kids who want to argue with me about the fact I won't date a woman with kids. It's
disconcerting.

I have also noticed that it is apparently mandatory for women on dating sites to add "....AND THEY ARE MY WORLD!! !" after any mention of their children.

I am SO glad my spaceship does not stop at that world.


There also seems to be a secret law which requires women to state that they can seamlessly transition from "jeans to heels" for some reason...


Oh, definitely, I have seen that one nine trillion times!

Or "I like to go out or stay in" (what are your other options?) or "I'm looking for someone who shares my same interests" and then never says what those interests are, or "No game players!" as if game players are going to read that and say, "Hmmmm, I guess I better not contact her."

I find that most dating site profiles, if they have any content whatsoever (there are a lot that say "I don't know what to write here" or "Anything you want to know, you'll have to ask"), it's just a string of cliches they probably saw on 10,000 other profiles and they figured this is how it's supposed to be done.



LexF
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25 Oct 2011, 1:44 pm

mv wrote:
That being said, I sure am glad that not everyone thinks like you because then I'd be even more fat-out-of-luck than I already am. :wink: Seriously, what you do think women with custody of their children are supposed to do after they divorce or are widowed? Curl up and die? Date men who are 20 years older than themselves? Have you thought about it at all?


Sure, I've thought about that. I thought about it when I was 22 and made a conscious decision not to ever have kids. I thought about it after I had been in six or seven consecutive relationships with older, divorced women who already had kids. I realized it's not for me.

Let's be honest, the world of dating isn't about to go hurtling into the sun because one guy from Indiana decides he doesn't want kids. I have seen thousands of guys on dating sites who are totally OK with a woman who already has kids. It seems that MOST guys are fine with it. I'm not. I'm certainly not going to apologize for having a preference, and I've already seen (about a billion times) that most people have issues with that preference.

And I'm OK with that. The single mothers on dating sites are not required by law to agree with me. By the same token, I'm allowed to disagree with them, too, although you'd have a hell of a time persuading most of them of that fact.

We all have to make our own decisions on these things. And I'm only responsible for my own decisions. What anybody else decides is up to them, and they have to live with that.



Grisha
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25 Oct 2011, 1:51 pm

LexF wrote:
I find that most dating site profiles, if they have any content whatsoever (there are a lot that say "I don't know what to write here" or "Anything you want to know, you'll have to ask"), it's just a string of cliches they probably saw on 10,000 other profiles and they figured this is how it's supposed to be done.


That's why they're so horrible for determining compatibility - unless you are just looking for hook-ups, in which case the photos are all you need anyway...

Meh.



mv
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25 Oct 2011, 1:58 pm

LexF wrote:
mv wrote:
That being said, I sure am glad that not everyone thinks like you because then I'd be even more fat-out-of-luck than I already am. :wink: Seriously, what you do think women with custody of their children are supposed to do after they divorce or are widowed? Curl up and die? Date men who are 20 years older than themselves? Have you thought about it at all?


Sure, I've thought about that. I thought about it when I was 22 and made a conscious decision not to ever have kids. I thought about it after I had been in six or seven consecutive relationships with older, divorced women who already had kids. I realized it's not for me.

Let's be honest, the world of dating isn't about to go hurtling into the sun because one guy from Indiana decides he doesn't want kids. I have seen thousands of guys on dating sites who are totally OK with a woman who already has kids. It seems that MOST guys are fine with it. I'm not. I'm certainly not going to apologize for having a preference, and I've already seen (about a billion times) that most people have issues with that preference.

And I'm OK with that. The single mothers on dating sites are not required by law to agree with me. By the same token, I'm allowed to disagree with them, too, although you'd have a hell of a time persuading most of them of that fact.

We all have to make our own decisions on these things. And I'm only responsible for my own decisions. What anybody else decides is up to them, and they have to live with that.


I think we've misunderstood each other. My takeaway from your first post (and somewhat from your follow-up) was that you couldn't understand why there were so many single mothers on these dating sites. Of course you are entitled to your preferences (you wouldn't be you, otherwise). I apologize for my part in the misunderstanding.



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25 Oct 2011, 1:59 pm

I'm a single mother, and I don't date men with significant periods of shared custody. I realize its a double standard, and I don't feel badly about it at all.
I'd make an exception if I met a guy I was really wild about.



mv
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25 Oct 2011, 2:06 pm

Fullofstars wrote:
I'm a single mother, and I don't date men with significant periods of shared custody. I realize its a double standard, and I don't feel badly about it at all.
I'd make an exception if I met a guy I was really wild about.


That's so interesting! I'm the other way: I'm usually suspicious of men who don't have significant custody (depending on the ages of their children, of course). I get to know them a bit better anyway, but my first thought is always, "Why doesn't she trust you with the kids?" I know it's a rotten standard, too. My custody is 50/50, though, and it works perfectly for us.



LexF
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25 Oct 2011, 2:12 pm

mv wrote:
I think we've misunderstood each other. My takeaway from your first post (and somewhat from your follow-up) was that you couldn't understand why there were so many single mothers on these dating sites. Of course you are entitled to your preferences (you wouldn't be you, otherwise). I apologize for my part in the misunderstanding.


Please don't apologize, I'm here to discuss these things and people are going to have the occasional miscommunication. What matters is how we deal with them. I may not always be clear re: what I'm trying to say at any given moment because I'm distracted by 12 other things or I misread something or there's a volcano going off in the next room.

As for the issue of single mothers on dating sites, I guess I always just assumed it was simply reflective of their prevalence in society as a whole. There are a lot of single mothers in the world; no reason why they shouldn't be on dating sites. From a strictly statistical standpoint, I guess my question would be the apparent non-existence of non-mothers on dating sites. This has always puzzled me.



Crow_T_Robot
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25 Oct 2011, 2:19 pm

Ichinin wrote:
Once a girl asked "Where are you, the man of my dreams?", i replied: "He is in my basement, send me 100000 or i will send you an ear!" :D


:lmao:

I often think of snarky things to say in response to people's profiles, and there was a time when I would've actually sent them. Old age has made me timid, I'm afraid.

And yeah, there are a lot of people out there with no sense of humor.


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LjosalfrBlot
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25 Oct 2011, 3:13 pm

Aspie Affection. I met my wife there.
Hm.. I haven't read any previous posts and someone probably mentioned that place already but... Oh well.



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25 Oct 2011, 7:33 pm

OKcupid is the best. It is a gathering place for misfits of all sorts. There are many geeks there. I suspect many of them are undiagnosed AS.

EHarmony is run by evangelican Christians. At one point they did not allow atheists. Now they do. The site is expensive! EHarmony is mostly tailored to well-to-do people looking for a serious relationship or marriage.

Match is a meat market for younger daters. Almost everyone there is extroverted party-type and are looking for similar folks to hang out with. I swear every profile there reads the same.

Plenty of Fish is nasty. Basically a casual sex site. Probably a lot of people with STDs. An online version of a nightclub.



RossMc
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25 Oct 2011, 7:50 pm

Plenty of Fish. First of all, its free. Second of all, its easy to use. I met a few women through them. Nothing really came of it, but then again, I didn't have much to lose, since I didn't put a lot of time and effort into it. I would arrange to meet them in a Starbucks near me. If they didn't show up, I had my laptop and something to read, so it wouldn't be a total waste. Roughly half of them seemed angry and resentful. Still, none of them actually said anything overtly hostile. Mostly, either we had nothing in common, and ended up boring each other, or I would fail to penetrate their suspicion. Now it's natural for women to be wary about POF and similar websites- a lot of men there e-mail photos of their cocks to women, or start groping and talking dirty within minutes of meeting them, or just turn out to be liars.
I also often offended them by holding doors, pulling out chairs for them, putting my umbrella over them when its raining. A sizeable minority of women see these gestures as a showboating way to con your way into their pants rather than simple graciousness.
By the way, its not true that men always outnumber the women. In my area and my age group combined, the women actually outnumber the men on POF.