How to deal with a sense of justice in the work realm!?

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KSea
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06 Oct 2010, 1:02 pm

How do you guys deal w/ coworkers and supervisors when presented w/ scenarios that challenge your sense of fairness? In the "professional" world (I loathe that word), you're often expected to act a certain way as to not ruffle feathers even though it's FAKE and the problem is not solved! I'll give a couple personal examples.

I have a coworker that acts incredibly nice to my face (I'm female, he's male.) In fact, when I'd tell my husband things, my husband pointed out this male was being manipulative and having a power trip w/ me even before I realized it, although now it's quite clear. Leaving me nasty notes. Telling my clients bad things about me that aren't even true! (I know this b/c she, my client, approached me b/c she sticks up for me and is tired of him talking bad about me.) He never responds to e-mails, texts, or phone calls (to anyone) and he'll bring something he wants me to do but doesn't tell me and it'll be hidden on a bookshelf, so then he'll send me a nasty e-mail and I'll respond--huh??? I didn't know such and such existed--where is it??? Anyhow, I'm trying to summarize, but I finally took this to my supervisor, and she talked to him, but said his defense was that our CLIENT tries to instigate things and not him--such a lie! Our client could not know I was not graphing (which he told her, which even if it was true, is not her concern, but my supervisors)--and this male coworker had told me specifically not to graph b/c he wanted to do it, then goes and talks crap about me to make himself look good! I told my supervisor that made no sense and also doesn't explain his nasty notes and e-mails but she let it slide. So now at meetings I have to take him being nice and sappy to my face and I have to act like everything is ok when nothing is changed and this has not been TRULY dealt w/! This outrages me!

Also, I have another client (I'm actually a therapist w/ autistic kids, so when I refer to clients I mean their parents) that is off her rocker--she talks bad about everyone behind their backs, makes up stuff, is delusional...and personally, it seems to me there just needs to be a point where a person/company/whoever puts their foot down and RESPECTFULLY confronts them on their BS and calls them out! I just don't see it as "professional" to continue the fake encounters and conversations--fake fake fake--instead of confronting this crap head on and DEALING w/ it. I also don't think we as employees should be subjected to the stuff she pulls, regardless of her position as our client. We're human beings-- Has anyone dealt w/ similar scenarios or relate to this frustration or any advice to offer?



wavefreak58
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06 Oct 2010, 2:10 pm

This will be of no help.

I've never figured it out. I've concluded that "justice" is a hollow concept, bandied about at the convenience of those that pull the strings.



StuartN
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06 Oct 2010, 2:30 pm

KSea wrote:
How do you guys deal w/ coworkers and supervisors when presented w/ scenarios that challenge your sense of fairness?


I would call what you describe bullying / harassment. They are scenarios in which unreasonable practices, which do not benefit the employer's business, undermine your dignity.

The unwritten, changing directions and hidden work materials are pure bullying. I would make this colleague submit everything in writing - if necessary you can email him (daily if necessary) a summary of your interpretation of what you believe is outstanding. Then he is to blame for anything that he fails to add, in writing, to your summary.

The client is harder, but you could approach it by asking if her (the difficult parent's) experience of the service is something you would be proud to advertise - e.g. if she ever is in the position to complain, would your direct approach save the service from potential liability?

I don't know what this advice is worth, because I lost my job after trying to confront the same kinds of behaviour from my employer.



KSea
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06 Oct 2010, 5:20 pm

I appreciate your input a lot--My coordinator did say from now on we only communicate via e-mail and attach EVERYONE to it---of course, he never responds, so at our last team meeting I even said "Is your internet connection working, b/c I've sent you a couple e-mails regarding...." He always has an excuse and never loses face. So far nothing ADDITIONAL has occurred but I guess I don't feel like...I feel like he should apologize to me or SOMETHING.



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07 Oct 2010, 1:10 am

Would that it might be so.

Fact - for some people, admitting to having done wrong is worse than eating egg salad would be for me.

Fact - people in general - sincerely and honestgly - work off different rule books. This ain't called Wrong Planet for nothing.

By the time you hear a senior administrators explainimng why it is GOOD to compromise your principles - and see an entire department [except for your lone voice] persuaded by it - you stop expecting anything. Though you may still try and I hope you can still hope.



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07 Oct 2010, 8:50 am

I just try to ignore it. Lately, we've been having some problems, because someone messed up a bunch of files and stuff and it's a huge mess, which me and some other people whose job it isn't have had to clean up. I don' t think that's fair. I don't want to complain because I like working here, but it's just not fair! They should be the ones to clean it up. Unfortunately, they're so far behind, and although we help, it's like they want us to do their work for them. This isn't the first time this has happened, either.


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StuartN
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07 Oct 2010, 9:08 am

[quote="KSea"]I appreciate your input a lot--My coordinator did say from now on we only communicate via e-mail and attach EVERYONE to it---of course, he never responds, so at our last team meeting I even said "Is your internet connection working, b/c I've sent you a couple e-mails regarding...." He always has an excuse and never loses face. So far nothing ADDITIONAL has occurred but I guess I don't feel like...I feel like he should apologize to me or SOMETHING.[/quote

It sounds like you are doing it the right way. If there is an agreement that you communicate in writing, then it is his failing, whatever excuse or justification he uses. It will stop working for him eventually. Keep everything low key, unemotional and logical.

Take real care not to be hurt by people like this - it is amazing how much charisma, charm or whatever it is some people have, and how they seem to attract loyalty out of all proportion to their actual contributions.



KSea
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07 Oct 2010, 9:42 am

I know life can't always be fair, but it's always frustrating when something CAN be done fairly and is nevertheless not executed this way. But you're right about the different rule books, and that was some solid wisdom about people w/ charm getting loyalty out of others w/o good cause. Thanks guys for your advice--it's really helpful. And being told to stay unemotional and logical is def. what I need to do. Then when I get home I'll get emotional and rant to my husband haha.



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07 Oct 2010, 10:04 am

i have a great deal of problems with this. i expect people to follow the rules at work, and when they don't... i try to fix it. and i end up being a whistleblower. sometimes i am not well-loved at work. i have no advice as to how to improve, but i can totally relate.

i got a couple of people in trouble for gossiping because it was about personnel-related stuff (regarding coworkers' performance issues, which these two gossips knew because they had access to employee files and had heard inside information when they were briefly promoted).

i also tried to start a union at a non-unionized school. there was a 90% staff turnover rate from one year to the next due to corruption within the community and school administration.

and one time i informed the subject of some gossip that he was being targeted. it was related to vague sexual harassment allegations (i.e. "he looked at my cleavage" or "he makes me uncomfortable"), but instead of following proper channels, the women chose to engage in character assassination by spreading hostile gossip. i also asked the people to stop spreading the nastiness.

yeah, i generally make an ass of myself.


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KSea
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07 Oct 2010, 10:18 am

haha Only in their eyes. I've had to work on not letting others get to me. I focus on the mental image of Jesus when he said if one town does not accept you to kick the dirt from your feet and move to the next and on the image from some music video w/ "dust your shoulders off" so that I try to do what I think is right and dust off other's negative responses and hold my head high (not arrogantly, just not be defeated by others words when I know I did what was right) and try not to let it get to me.



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08 Oct 2010, 12:59 am

I lived with this BS for years! I ended up keeping EVERY EMAIL I ever received, was CCd in or I SENT...it was funny, when it was "he said/she said" they would agree with the liar...so when I started keeping all emails, and I would then SEND the email to my supervisor they would say "well, it's not about whose fault it is, it is about finding a solution"...are you kidding me? I gave up. I was laid off 20yrs after working there...I think it was best. I was ready to whack someone because I could no longer trust anyone. At the time I spent many hours at work, so I thought that it was just "people at work" that were such liars and pathetic...then when I began having more free time I realized "these people are EVERYWHERE"...now, I try to keep to myself. I pretty much hate most people by now. Not because I am just crazy, but because honestly, I am sick of lies. I NEVER interfere in anyone's life, I NEVER lie about anyone, I NEVER try to hurt or steal or sc#$%W anyone, but when someone does it to me and I get ticked, my mother especially and others will say "well, you need to just let it go"...I can't. I just let them be and stay away. At work, I just stopped talking to most people. It helped that I was eventually able to telecommute so I didn't have to see them. I could talk to them on the phone while "giving them the finger" with my free hand...hehe



KSea
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08 Oct 2010, 11:12 am

haha I feel ya. Well, here's my update. My client-the parent-wants that mean therapist off the team-so THIS is good news. But my boss calls me and tells me to send her replacement ideas that I "CAN work well with b/c me and -mean therapist- just have a personality difference" I told her that is not just it-he's spiteful, and I work well w/ all of my other therapists! She quickly jumped in that he's not spiteful, we just have diff. personalities, and we don't need to discuss it, and to send her people I CAN work well with. I was very insulted. Yes--our diff. of personalities is that I don't HARASS people! My client told me that the mean therapist and my boss and friends outside of work. Ah. Brilliant.



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08 Oct 2010, 3:31 pm

whatamess wrote:
I lived with this BS for years! I ended up keeping EVERY EMAIL I ever received, was CCd in or I SENT...
then when I began having more free time I realized "these people are EVERYWHERE


On the keeping evidence, I ended up in the situation where I put all the stuff into book form and it was thoroughly embarrassing for the employer - they spent a long time telling me I had a personality clash with my boss, differences of recollection etc, but the idea of this material going to an outside investigator scared them witless. It ended up in a compensation case that they could not defend, but I would not wish my experience on anyone (it is truly horrible to take a case against an employer). But I didn't need to say anything, it was all copies of their words.

People like this are everywhere. The book "Snakes in Suits" describes the corporate psychopath / sociopath and explains why they do so well in business and other structured employment.

KSea, I would try to avoid all adjectives in describing the issue about your co-worker. "Spiteful" is an opinion, whereas a factual description of his behaviour is objective. You can describe your own feelings about his behaviour. It helps to avoid making statements that are opinion or arguable.



KSea
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08 Oct 2010, 5:22 pm

Good advice. I guess I was trying to think of one word I could use quickly, since she already knew about the "evidence".