Is female attraction more subtle than male attraction?

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BroncosRtheBest
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07 Oct 2010, 8:51 pm

So when I come out to the family room, my little brother has the priveledge of telling me that he hears that pretty much every girl at the school has a crush on me. If all these girls liked me, why the heck haven't I seen it?



hale_bopp
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07 Oct 2010, 8:57 pm

School girls gossip to other people not the actual person. Well thats what me and all other girls I went to school with did.



SuperApsie
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07 Oct 2010, 9:19 pm

Hum we, Aspies are supposed not to be able read other people's emotions by definition :)

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Is female attraction more subtle than male attraction?

Yes, definitely, I have never heard of a female doing the love dance in the whole animal kingdom, and a female will never run to you and tell you how attractive you are (alcohol is a modifier, but not a good one) And to worsen that, we, as Aspies, tend to think the world is symmetrical.

Usually the Aspie male behavior suggests to others indifference (raises questions from females about their own seductive power), calm and self confidence (crazy indeed) and is quite seductive.

So now you have to know if the girl you like has talked to your brother...


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Tadzio
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07 Oct 2010, 9:44 pm

Is female attraction more subtle than male attraction?

No. It just smells different.

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LK
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08 Oct 2010, 11:03 pm

I think it is in most cases. However, if you're an aspie, it could just be that you are not reading things that most people would find obvious. Yesterday, I was told that a certain male I am acquainted with had a big crush on me. I had no idea until it was explained to me, but after it was explained, I understood all the giant clues I missed. This is not the first time this has happened, and I never would have figured it out on my own.


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10 Oct 2010, 5:48 am

The last job I had in industry, some of my friends/coworkers would tell me that various girls from different departments had a big crush on me. I am the type who doesn't really consider getting into anything with a coworker usually, so I was surprised that somebody would show interest. I guess they would talk about me at lunch behind my back. I was supposed to figure it out for myself because they weren't supposed to tell me directly who liked me that way and who didn't. They expected me to know from the hints and of course, I would usually get it wrong. Same way in college. I was sure it would be the girl that talked to me and was extra friendly, but that would be the one who already had a boyfriend. Hell if I could tell the difference. I had to grow a thick skin for being wrong a lot. Most of the girls I would end up dating were pretty blunt with their intentions in hind sight. I doubt even now I am any better at reading the signals. The whole thing can be fun, detective work.



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10 Oct 2010, 8:16 am

LK wrote:
I think it is in most cases. However, if you're an aspie, it could just be that you are not reading things that most people would find obvious. Yesterday, I was told that a certain male I am acquainted with had a big crush on me. I had no idea until it was explained to me, but after it was explained, I understood all the giant clues I missed. This is not the first time this has happened, and I never would have figured it out on my own.


even if all the "giant clues" were diagrammed in crayon for me, i would still find them opaquely impenetrable, similar to ancient hieroglyphics or the mating dance of insects.



Asp-Z
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10 Oct 2010, 10:52 am

It indeed is. IMO anyway.



nick007
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10 Oct 2010, 8:56 pm

I think female attraction is less obvious because women don't get erections 8O Women tend to be more into playing hard to get & reverse psychology where as guys are generally more direct & straightforward about it. Women also tend to gossip more than guys & sometimes rumors get started when their may not be any truth behind em



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11 Oct 2010, 1:31 am

I tend to be very straightforward about it (along with just about everything else). Which can probably be off-putting. :?


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11 Oct 2010, 2:24 am

Oh women can be blunt and direct too. When I was over in the states/canada I was being hit on and flirted with so much I found it quite scary 8O i'm not used to that kind of attention and it made me somewhat shy :oops:

Until then I thought all this talk of them liking english accents over there was just an exajeration, how wrong was I!

Plus some aspie females can be just as blunt too. With some people theres just no such thing as subtlety its more like a hijack



nick007
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11 Oct 2010, 2:35 am

I've seen women go up to guys & say things like "My friend thinks your cute" or "Me & my friends are having this bet"


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11 Oct 2010, 2:43 am

Laz wrote:
Oh women can be blunt and direct too. When I was over in the states/canada I was being hit on and flirted with so much I found it quite scary


I didn't mean it that way. I don't go around hitting on people. I have to first be attracted to them, which requires getting to know them a bit. A lot of American women do flirt quite freely, though.

Laz wrote:
Until then I thought all this talk of them liking english accents over there was just an exajeration, how wrong was I!


:D Most of us appreciate a nice accent.


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ladyrain
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11 Oct 2010, 2:49 am

LK wrote:
I think it is in most cases. However, if you're an aspie, it could just be that you are not reading things that most people would find obvious. Yesterday, I was told that a certain male I am acquainted with had a big crush on me. I had no idea until it was explained to me, but after it was explained, I understood all the giant clues I missed. This is not the first time this has happened, and I never would have figured it out on my own.


I'm sure this is the major difficulty that both male and female aspies have.

I know that there have been quite a number of occasions where I have found out later (too much later) that not only did I miss all sort of signs, but also I did not reveal enough to give the guy in question any hint that I might be interested.

So the conclusion I draw from this is that women are expected to be subtly encouraging, and this is what the majority of guys expect to see.

It does help to explain some things, since I always thought it was guys who 'made the first move', but it seems most guys won't do that until they are fairly sure there is some interest.
(This applies to most situations outside teen peer-group relationships.)

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Plus some aspie females can be just as blunt too. With some people theres just no such thing as subtlety its more like a hijack

:)
I doubt many of us have any idea what we are supposed to do.



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11 Oct 2010, 3:04 am

I usually only catch it right before they confess it. Though since I was 15 I've pretty much come to the conclusion that any girl I talk to will want to be my girlfriend, it pretty much has been the case as out of all my female friends I think one of them hasn't expressed any desire to "get to know you better". She also happens to be one of two of my friends that's married.

It's so obvious though if you just hang out with them though, from a distance you couldn't see it.


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