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Mikelight
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09 Oct 2010, 7:23 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
GrimmRomance wrote:
I always feel as though I'm terribly dull, whenever the weekend is upon me. I never go out. I don't like it. But I still feel as though I'm missing out, even though I never enjoy dressing up, going out and socializing with people I don't even care for. It's the whole "everyone-else-is-doing-it"-thing. But at least my boyfriend doesn't go out that much. He's almost 30, been there - done that. I enjoy spending Friday nights playing video games and relaxing. ^^


I agree. I would rather be relaxing than going out, I don't see the appeal anymore. Maybe it changes when your interests involve one person more than multiple people though.


Obviously not at first due to some social anxiety... but now when I go out I am relaxing! I go to a lounge, somewhere that's already a relaxed and casual setting. I became a regular at this place and I know all the staff members and they know me. So now when I'm out, all the interaction I experience is on my own terms and in the setting that I've chosen. After a couple of months of becoming comfortable talking to strangers in that environment, I've been able to branch out and go to places where I'm a bit out of my element and make it work. Tonight I'm going to a spanish dance club, I'm going to be relaxed and learn how to dance :)



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10 Oct 2010, 2:28 am

Mikelight wrote:
I've been going out every single weekend for the last few months. I realized that I needed to improve my social skills and the only way to do that was to go out and meet new people to interact with. Also I'm finally going to date again after 3 years so it's been important for me to know how to speak to ladies in the first place... apparently I had completely forgotten how to without getting all nervous and stuff.

I've made some friends along the way so it's cool :)

yes, true. cool you are back out there and having fun!

i tend to think it is hard to meet people if someone doesn't go out, but it doesn't have to be a club scene. my weekend has been filled with an aspie support group, dinner with a friend, a body mod convention, and a PostSecret lecture.

plus in a couple of weeks i will be attending a lecture about birds from a science/literature fusion perspective, and next friday i will have a pint at the pub with people from work.

it's possible to go out of the house to meet people on the weekend without having to step foot in a club.


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Hector
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10 Oct 2010, 2:51 am

It's been a bit hard for me lately because I'm a graduate student in a foreign country where I don't speak the language, and while educated natives do speak English here, of course they don't in general and certainly not to each-other. Most of my work is done on my own and takes much of my time, so the only extent to which I socialise is for a few hours a week before and after the few lectures I have.

This Friday there was a common room party for people in my residence, but I came down with a migraine as the party started which disabled me for sixteen hours.

All-in-all I don't feel inclined to complain about not getting dates lately, because of course the opportunities won't come.



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10 Oct 2010, 4:16 am

bggallag wrote:
Urrrgh. I hate Friday nights. Generally, 90% of the time I don't mind being an aspie, socially inept, and single. But Friday and Saturday nights are really hard, they were especially so in my later 20's and 30's (I'm 33 now). I keep hearing of friends going on date nights and stuff. Sigh.


I don't see why. When I hear about what everyone else does, it makes me feel happy to be Aspie so I don't have "fun" by going out at night and getting drunk.



bggallag
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10 Oct 2010, 4:40 pm

For some reason I didn't hit (the watching topic), button, so sorry for my lack of response :).

I guess I should have clarified that I meant a date or something, or going out with friends, Not going out and partying or at a club/bar. I got all of that out of my system while I was in college. While drinking did help with the social awkwardness, I discovered I didn't want to do it anymore.

Now I'm just having trouble meeting people in general.


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10 Oct 2010, 5:05 pm

bggallag wrote:
For some reason I didn't hit (the watching topic), button, so sorry for my lack of response :).

I guess I should have clarified that I meant a date or something, or going out with friends, Not going out and partying or at a club/bar. I got all of that out of my system while I was in college. While drinking did help with the social awkwardness, I discovered I didn't want to do it anymore.

Now I'm just having trouble meeting people in general.

Join an aspie's club on meetup.
Get a bike and ride it on the local trails
Find a group of people with an interest you're interested in, swallow your pride and do it.

I've joined a group of local cyclists and I've got 200 miles in already. A local store I shop at has yoga and running on weekends, and I'm a few aspie groups myself. It's chump change but it does work.



Musicprophets
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10 Oct 2010, 8:07 pm

yes, friday and saturday nights are usually quiet. and its been that way the majority of my adult life. on the rare chance, where i want to get out and do something, i dont have anyone to do things with. i have joined a few meetup groups in the last few months, but they are usually together when im working so thats been no help. i know if i ever get a lot of friends , im afraid to explain my story without them being like "oh you're a loner loser person, so goodbye". as im 2 years from 30, i know most people are doing the adult things of having a good paying job, good relationships, kids/marriage, becoming homeowners, and all that other s**t. but i also know i dont want my life to be all about work. i want to enjoy myself and wake up everyday connected to the world in some way. but how that will ever happen, i have no idea. there has to be more ways of getting friends than just going to the bars and clubs. what the hell is the damn point of it, after awhile? being an obnoxious, stupid pathetic drunk?



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10 Oct 2010, 10:09 pm

My answer: I don't know, I'm kinda in transition. To make a long story short I had a long time friend/roommate who was really big into sportbikes - like taking em as fast as the engine governance will allow. He had several friends who he rode with who were either bouncers at the major club district downtown where I live, another who was in a family that owns most of the major Italian restaurants in the area, he managed a five star restaurant right on the end of the strip. Because we made a lot of friends with various people who were both really into doing things (when they were available) who happened to typically be bartending, doorcheck, etc., we ended up stopping out to the clubs a lot to see them. A lot of my friends have moved away now so I'm starting to learn what staying in is all about; it hasn't bothered me yet because I'm getting things done, though I have a feeling it'll catch up to me eventually.

My overall take on clubs - I can deal with them for a few hours before I start getting really bored and have to figure out how not to be a drag on my friends. House parties seem a lot better - ie. you can talk to people a lot more easily because its a more close-nit situation and since everyone usually knows the hosts it means that everyone's a bit more amiable whereas when your at a club it seems like most people won't talk to many people, if any at all, outside of the group they came in with. So - downtown you get to see a lot of eye candy, to the point that it almost seems dime a dozen, and then you're back home wondering where four hours of your life and likely about $60 (rounds of shots) went.

As for meeting women though in that sort of environment; real unlikely. Just like beauty is a dime a dozen, attractive guys - guys in general - everyone's individual worth is too depreciated by each others presence; then the guys with the popped collars come in (doubles from the SNL 'd--- in a box' video) and the gender dialog goes even further downhill. We aren't quite as bad on chachies as some metropolitan areas but - we still have more than enough and you will see em everywhere when you're out.



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10 Oct 2010, 11:28 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
TL: DR


This is why I go to lounges, it's the half way point between club and house parties. A relaxed setting but with music playing and it's easy to strike up conversation and there are plenty of interesting people.



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10 Oct 2010, 11:47 pm

Mikelight wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
TL: DR


This is why I go to lounges, it's the half way point between club and house parties. A relaxed setting but with music playing and it's easy to strike up conversation and there are plenty of interesting people.

Not sure what we have that would be tangent to that. I know on the east side we have a lot more trendy/artsy places but that's a hike.



nthach
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11 Oct 2010, 1:33 am

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Mikelight wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
TL: DR


This is why I go to lounges, it's the half way point between club and house parties. A relaxed setting but with music playing and it's easy to strike up conversation and there are plenty of interesting people.

Not sure what we have that would be tangent to that. I know on the east side we have a lot more trendy/artsy places but that's a hike.

Here in the Bay Area, they're overran by hipsters. If you don't have a fixie/Prius, don't shop at American Apparel or Urban Outfitters, forget about it...



techstepgenr8tion
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11 Oct 2010, 6:45 am

nthach wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Mikelight wrote:
techstepgenr8tion wrote:
TL: DR


This is why I go to lounges, it's the half way point between club and house parties. A relaxed setting but with music playing and it's easy to strike up conversation and there are plenty of interesting people.

Not sure what we have that would be tangent to that. I know on the east side we have a lot more trendy/artsy places but that's a hike.

Here in the Bay Area, they're overran by hipsters. If you don't have a fixie/Prius, don't shop at American Apparel or Urban Outfitters, forget about it...

and you have to be a pseudo-intellectual who apologizes for whatever beliefs are popular at any given moment? Sounds wonderfully disenchanting.