How I was able to make a change for the better.

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Hello WP, Rob here.

This is likely going to be a long post, but bear with me.

A little background 1st. I live in a house formerly occupied by my mother who is a serious hoarder. To make matters worse, I have for a few years been so engrossed in my obsessions that I failed to do any sort of housework.The net result was a house that resembled a city dump, without the seagulls. My wife had had enough. She works very hard and long hours to come home to that.. I am so thankful she is a very patient woman.

I made a post on here asking for help, ideas and tips to try to get myself to do something.. I began to consider the problem, and I made the joke about if my obsession was cleaning this house would be done in no time (I think I said 24 hours)
The concept stuck with me and I did some research, others had asked how it could be possible to change obsessions intentionally. All the replies to those said it was impossible. (Please don't ask me to try to remember all the posts I went through) I am stubborn and the more I'm told it cannot be done, the more determined I get.

So..... this is what I did:
Disclamer: I am not a mental health professional, what I am about to describe are my opinions alone and in no way are representative pro or con to anyone else particularly WP (www.wrongplanet.net) or any of it's members. The ideas here are my own and were formed without any direct reference to any outside source. I recomend consulting your mental health professonal before trying anything to follow.

1). I am a very visual thinker and in my mind I picture my concious mind riding atop a very stubborn mule which represents my subconcious. Now this mule is very set in it's ways and prefers to travel the smooth well worn paths (routines) and stopping at the same feed toughs and watering holes (my obsessions) My mule is easily spooked and does not like any surprises or changes. Any time I tried to lead my mule down a different path, he would stiffen up and refuse to budge.
(At this point, if you don't relate to this analogy, then only continue reading for entertainment )

2). Ok so here I am atop my mule who refuses to travel down the path that leads to me passing up the familiar watering holes and toward the cleaning house one. He wouldn't budge. I began to imagine myself whispering in the mule's ear. Decribing (and picturing in my mind my ideal spotless and largly spartan home.) How delightful it would be to get rid of the heavy anxiety bags my mule trudged with every day. Its Important to focus on as much positive detail as possible.

3). I actually began to dwell on those positive details: clean plates, bowls , silverware, glasses, on demand in the clean cabinets and drawers. Broad clean and clear counters, where I could actually create real meals.(I started with the kitchen because it was my greatest source of anxiety and if I could get enthusiastic about that, I could do anything!) The whole trick is to make that next watering hole seem much more attractive, therefore being positive is crucial!

4). After a while, the more positive points and details I thought of the more the whole idea became entrenched in my mind. Soon I could think of nothing else.. but I had to wait. This I think closed the deal. The anticipation of by now wanting to go get it done but having to wait made my drive and focus stronger still. My mule was like a thoroughbred waiting at the gate, chomping at the bit..

5). I had to wait to get the cleaning supplies I needed and when that day came, I was almost foaming at the mouth to get in there..by then I had studied the problem in my mind hundreds of times down to the tiniest detail.. I knew exactly what I was doing as if I had actually done it hundreds of times... in a sense, the path to clean kitchen became smooth and worn just like my mule liked. While I worked in the kitchen, I focused on the next big challenge in the same way as #4 on this list. This time the anticipation came from the desire to finish the kitchen 1st.

I have been totally inactive for 4 years, after that 1st day in the kitchen I was sore, but every ache reminded me of what I had done and just spurred me on to do more.. I finished the kitchen and moved on to the next challenge, the packed to the rafters family room. It is now sorted and awaiting disposal. The first day/evening in there I found a very nice couch underneath the junk and fell asleep on it...

There is lots yet to do, the kitchen is now a daily easy maintenence task, the rest of the house will soon follow. I feel confident I can convince my mule to overcome anything! Heck, I might even go to the mall! (Well, 1 step at a time little mule, 1 step at a time..lol)

I REALLY hope this helps everyone, but even just one will make it worth it to me!

Take care and good luck!
Feel free to post questions comments or criticism.

Rob

Commendations to you!

The same kind of "psyching myself" is how I can get things done when I at least *want* to do them. The rest of the time, well ... defiance and/or sloth can still win out.

I would guess your wife truly appreciates the change, eh?!

Love the analogy of the stubborn mule. I think this is a great way to get your "ass" moving. Great job. Your wife must be really happy.

Lol actually, after years of trying to get me to do something, she kept trying to get me to stop and spend time with her while she was off. (She works a lot of hours and doesn't get to see me that much) so I did take a break once in a while to visit..

It makes me wonder what other tasks might this be applied to? Fashion, smalltalk, socialising, dancing

I think this applies here: as a parent, I've been really thinking about brain plasticity and spectrum issues. I think that's kind of what you were doing here - taking an existing rigid neural pathway and finding a way to use your brain to go around it - and I think that this is the key to dealing with difficulties that arise from autism. (I am also not a doctor nor do I have any applicable training; this is just what I have inferred from what I've read.)

We don't know exactly why our brains are organized the way they are - but we do know there are some brain pathway differences between autistics and NTs (see Temple Grandin's TED speech.) We also know, from stroke and brain damage patients, that brains can be re-wired with hard work: rehabilitation therapy isn't really that dissimilar to the therapies used for sensory processing disorders and autism - and that when this happens, patients don't always repair the broken neural pathways - they can make new ones. (Note where it talks about forced use creating these pathways - that's kind of what you did, I think)

Congratulations, and I find what you did to be very interesting and helpful.

I'm really proud of you, especially because there was so much junk all over house. Good job
The mule thing isn't really working for me. I think I'll try going for a hippocampus

Last edited by bubblygrl7 on 06 Nov 2010, 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Bravo!

I loved the way you 'coerced' yourself into making it a primary, though hopefully temporary, obsession.

Thats awesome news. I'm hoping to make significant changes
(such as what yourself has done) in my life!

You get a

I originally made this post about a week after I was diagnosed, but since it has resurfaced.. an update is in order:

While I wasn't able to make cleaning a 'primary' obsession.. I was able to add it to the list of regular stops for my mule. We now have several more usable rooms and most of the clutter is gone. Due to some trouble I have had with some of my meds I'm a bit behind on the kitchen as of the last 2 days.. but that being said, reading my own post and being as I feel much better, I know what I'll be doing today!

Take care WP!

Rob