How to fix long-term burnout?

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Has anyone out there ever suffered from a sense of overwhelming & debilitating burnout?

For the past two years or so, my partner and I have found ourselves less and less able to accomplish even simple tasks, simply due to a lack of motivation that I attribute to burnout. My partner suffers from clinical depression and this may be what is affecting his abilities (he is currently in therapy for depression). I have occasionally become depressed, but not for many years and I do not think that is what is going on with me currently. However, I seem to be unable to plan effectively anymore and I can no longer handle any outside pressures. I am constantly gripped with indecision about what to do, and how to proceed forward. My partner is not much help due to his depression, plus he has an anger problem and I have found it is best not to put any pressure on him whatsoever. I find myself (and so does my partner) escaping daily into anything other than addressing our current situation. Anything to avoid dealing with the situation in front of us, despite knowing intellectually that dealing with the situation is the only way for it to get better.

Does anyone out there have any idea how to tackle this sort of thing? I have read that you should take baby steps to make small accomplishments that should empower you. And I have read that you should ask for help from friends and family. But we can't afford to pay for any help and we do not have any friends, nor can we rely on our families. We have so many tasks that need doing and it is all so overwhelming that I cannot seem to find a way to take a baby step or even figure out which step to take first. And things keep piling up...

Has anyone with Asperger's Syndrome experienced this sort of thing? Were you able to get out of it and if so, how? Is this a typical problem, or is it exacerbated by Asperger's Syndrome? Any ideas or constructive thoughts will be much appreciated.

I feel odd replying as a parent; I don't know if I have AS issues myself, but I wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. I often feel (emotionally) as though I have anvils strapped to my feet and hands.

This may be a dumb suggestion, but before I had a kid (and thus felt the need to keep my house tidy on a week-to-week basis, so I would let it get pretty bad) I would deal with the giant mess by just starting in one corner and cleaning the house in quadrants for each room, one quadrant at a time - even if it meant moving things I didn't know what to do with to a messy quadrant. I would follow the mess around the house until I had put everything away or washed it or whatever. It enabled me to work doggedly without much thinking (so, no trying to categorize the mess, or figure out where it was worst, etc. - just cleaning and tidying.) The last bit was the hardest, because you do actually have to think about the stuff you didn't know where to put, but knowing that the rest of the house was tidy made it much easier.

After that, it seemed easier to prioritize and tackle other projects like bill paying, etc.

Take care of yourself.

You sound like your husband's depression is really wearing you out. There is only one solution to this...you need to have fun. As long as you keep forcing yourself to cope beyond your reserves you will get more and more depleted. You need to fill your emotional well and to do that you need to do something that you really enjoy at least once a week. Also journal in the morning before you do anything else that day...this gives you some time that is yours only.
You need to focus on taking care of yourself cause if to dont care for yourself, you cant care for him. When you care for someone else in the longterm, you have to devote time for yourself, to fill your inner well of emotional reserve, otherwise you end up where you are now.
Once you have filled your well some, then you will have the energy to do the things that you need to do to get things done. Journaling in the morning saved me as well as the once a week date with myself.
let me know how that works you for you...it takes a few weeks of this before you start feeling better.

I also wanted to add that one of the best things he can do for himself is go walking every day, moderate excersise increases seritonin levels and can eleminate mild depression and help coping with major depression. Ever seen a depressed arobics teacher?
Also if he cannot afford mental health care, most US counties have a public mental health center which will provide medicine and appointments on a sliding scale based on your income. If you are really broke, you can get those services for free.

The hard part about excersizing while depressed is getting out there and doing it, but he will feel better when he is done.
Maybe you both can walk together...that would be good for both of you.

Sorry I can't offer advice as I'm having similar issues.

The poster who suggested walking every day might be on to something. Years ago I was very depressed & barely able to function on any level... I guess I can "admit" that it was over the loss of a romantic relationship.

I started going to a holistic therapist who was recommended by a friend. At first, he actually was having me come in every day for an hour session, even though I had no money and wasn't paying him. I think he "got" that he was my only chance to climb back up.

Anyway, took me a while to start taking his advice but I began walking four miles a day. It helped that I met someone who was trying to lose weight & wanted to walk too. There were days when if I had not made the commitment to meet up with her to walk, I would have stayed in bed all day.

It actually helped quite a lot. As the other person said, the difficult part is just doing it. And I know this.... yet it's 1:47pm and I have yet to get out of bed today, except to let out my dog to relieve himself, & I did put some clothes on (but got back in bed).... hmmm.

I wish it was not so cold out. (But really, I had the door open a little bit ago for my dog, and it isn't nearly as cold as it will be soon, maybe not even as cold as inside the house....)

Strangely it had not occurred to me to try walking now, even though it worked for me previously. I should really get out there & do it. I do take an anti-depressant but I'm not going to be seeing a therapist any time soon, if ever again this lifetime. Also I am very sick of taking drugs.

I hope you and your partner are feeling better very soon! I myself hate to be heading into the winter like this, because the last two winters I was in bed like 22 hours a day. But not this early in the season -- it's early autumn and wow, I need to get moving and I hope it works this time..... I'm way in over my head, much more than the other time, because like you said, things are piling up & well, you said it all pretty much, OP.

Thank you for your post. You actually helped me break my inertia enough to make a call to Social Security, asking them to re-send the forms that I am embarrassed to say, I can not find in my own house (I know I received it). The person said he'd send the forms out again, luckily. This is two weeks after he should have received the paperwork back from me! (the deadline was October 1st) but I kept thinking I'd find it, etc. I have already been turned down for food stamps (a different agency) simply because I have been unable to get it together to find my kids' birth certificates and so on. But I reapplied online & they've re-opened my case and gee, I should really get out of bed & look for those documents.

For that matter I had best call up & pay for my internet, or I'll really be screwed.

When everything's an emergency, it's difficult to prioritize. Well, I have always found it difficult anyhow but now it's overwhelming! The only reason I (might) have money in my bank account is b/c my mother feels sorry for me & deposits it from afar. But then I keep forgetting to deal with the bills anyway, even with the money on hand. Maybe I have already spent it on food. Haha!

I spend most of my time at the computer, partly because it is the only place that is fairly tidy and ready for work. Often, I'll start to panic or just stare at the problem when it comes to other tidying up. However, once the shop is clean, I always get inspired to start or finish a project there. Maybe the best way to start is to look for the easiest job. Dishes I can do anytime if my mind does not wander into bad memories. There are always at least a few books laying around that I can re-shelve without a big decision process. If I think very far ahead, I get overwhelmed. Some ways, it is like doing a math problem, or even a game of solitaire. I can't see my way to the goal, but I can usually find some way to make progress, and then build on that.

I much prefer useful exercise. For years, I didn't own a car, and the bicycle kept me fit. Now I volunteer for yard work for the local older folks sometimes, or just take a walk to see the sunset. In Chinese medicine, exercise is the treatment for depression.

Interesting you should call it "burnout" and not depression.....I get a similar problem, can't seem to make the decisions that would get me moving, though I don't feel much of the emotional angst of clinical depression, apart from the obvious distress of knowing that my work is so behind, which can be quite a painful feeling.

Don't know if you're the same, but I seem to perform fine when the wolf's finally at the door about an unpaid bill or whatever....it's as if I can't muster up the enthusiasm to do a task unless it's starting to get urgent.

It helps me to try to remember that mostly it doesn't much matter what order I do thing in - if I do try to prioritise, I end up trying to work out a perfect and complicated system of prioritising, which turns out to be so long and involved that I never get to start the work itself. As it's usually a choice between working on x and doing nothing at all, I may as well just pick up something that doesn't look too daunting and crack on with it.

I also find it useful to really listen to myself when I feel unwilling to do a thing - to find out what's putting me off from just getting on with it. Once I've brought my reasons up to the surface, I can decide whether they're rational or not.

To avoid burnout, I try to arrange my life so that there are few really pressing demands on me, though sometimes that's easier said than done, especially when I allow other people to get involved in my life.

I am currently struggling with the same problem, ie. burnout, which did also lead to clinical depression. It certainly affected my decision making, energy (not that I was the most active guy to start with), concentration ability and many other things. I can just hope the mental 'damage' is reversible

I do the avoidance thing too, as silly as it is. I have no clue why.

I managed to get better for a while, but as soon as I returned to work, things got bad again, and now I am out of work and on minimal benefits.

Sorry, I dont really have any clues or hints to offer about how to get better. Exercise helps a little bit, but it's far from enough for me; since my crash in 2008 I have recovered by perhaps 30% ... not nearly enough to be properly functional. And all the issues that caused the burnout in the first place are still there (bad time management, 'laziness', an inability to ask for help or even realise help could help, social anxiety).

I feel I constantly have to cope beyond my reserves. I'm in a constant state of stress even when I am not working, and when I am working, it drains me to a point where everything else gets neglected: I fall into total social isolation, I dont keep my flat clean, I fall back to living on junk food and candy, I struggle to even keep myself clean.

Yet I feel compelled to look for work, since you have to earn a living, right. I just wish it didnt mean giving up on actually living a life like other people . At this point, finding a work that actually was satisfying seems like a forlorn hope.

Sorry about the rant.