I always screw up...

Post Reply New Topic

Hi...everyone, I found this site and thought it would be helpful...

My problem is that I'm almost 19 and I have never had a real friend of the opposite sex. I'm Male btw. I mean I used to get picked on in school all the time by some jerks so to some girls I was maybe unapproachable but I was very friendly to the girls that were nice to me, some really attractive girls that were friendly and some were snobby. So that's why I think I'm okay looking in terms of looks, hygiene, personality, etc...

I have some friends, not the most amount, but I'm happy with my friends, I just wish I had a friend that was a girl and not an aquintance. Like for example at the college I go to I see some girls that went to my high school and with some I say hi and maybe a comment and to others I don't really bother, and they don't with me. I realize the reality of me building a relationship with one of them is out of the question b/c all the girls were popular and I was the opposite.

But I honestly don't know what to say when I converse with girls, I feel like I would have awkward pauses and such, I don't really have any confidence and my self-esteem is deflated...I like myself, it's just an ego crusher. Anyway I felt like my days in high school made me go into a shell and I haven't hatched yet. I was too afraid of asking a girl to the senior ball and that day was miserable for me when I saw limos down the street out my window.

Now I have been getting better but I don't know how to close the deal and get a number, ask a girl out, etc... In my freshman year, which was last year, I conversed with 3 girls that were all in different classes and I only really got more into it with one. See I used the classes as the starting point and joked and complained about the work with all of the girls...with this one though we got a little more personal but I never made a move b/c I didn't know how to go forward after that.

So I try, I give it my all but its hard and extremly frustrating. My parents and sister are even frustrated and at one point thought I was gay

So this is the screw up I had today...

I've been in class for about a month and on Mon. and Wed. I have a class with this girl and since the first day I've been attracted to this girl, she is really out of my league, really gorgeous and her eyes are beautiful. From what I saw she also is kinda nerdy, lol meaning she is really smart and speaks up in class. She also seems really friendly and I already had an encounter before. Now this was a surprise one...I was sitting outside waiting for the teacher to come, we had a quiz and she sat next to me and saw I was doing some last-minute studying. I initiated the convo on the fly somehow about the quiz and even joked about how can someone remember all the material.

She didn't laugh persay, but she looked like she thought I was friendly, anyway today we parked next to each other but I was facing away and we both got out to walk inside. I was behind her and didn't know it was her until she held the door for me and I thanked her...but that was it...I forgot to say hi or if she was ready for our boring class, and I walked behind her all the way to the classroom, I just forgot to pull the trigger b/c I felt uncomfortable carrying a convo with her again. She also didn't say nothing, didn't really smile so I'm afraid I blew it with her b/c I'm not sure how to approach her after not saying anything today.

So what should I do? and how can I get better with girls?

Thanks to anyone who reads this essay, haha

If you want to move from an acquaintance to a friendship you usually have to try to get the relationship more personal. This can be done several ways, for example you can ask her what kind of music she likes and see if you have something in common, or you can ask her why did she choose to study that career, anything that isnt school related usually helps.

For example the last female friend I did was a girl I barely knew but we had some friends in common I heard she had a date(we were talking to this froends in common and she said I gotta go get ready for my date) so the following day I started asking her how was the date and all. This wasnt the perfect approach per say because that kind of questions usually require more than being acquaintances but she liked the fact that I was interested and we started talking about that. Just so you have an idea she had spent over 2 months avoiding call me by my name (because she had no idea what it was and she didnt feel like asking our friends in common) and once this conversation was over she asked me what my name was and apologized for not asking before.

Right now we dont talk much but we try to say hi to each other when we see at uni and we ask each other how was our weekend and that kind of stuff.



As for how to improve your confidence with girls I´ll suggest you start trying with girls that are on your league perhaps even under your league, you´ll have far less competition than if you are trying to be friends with someone that already has plenty of them and they are far more likely to give you a second chance after you screw up.

My first female friend for example was a girl that had problems relating to most guys in my class and she started talking to me because she wanted to have a male friend, I knew this but as I had no one else to talk to I just accepted it and I tried to gain some experience out of the relationship. We had plenty of problems because I was unexperienced on the whole being friends with someoen from the opposite sex but I did my best and in the end she enjoyed watching me screw things up and having to explain me how things were done(I helped her in class so she was happy to see I wasnt perfect and she could help me somewhere else).