feeling attacked when hearing your name

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ediself
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19 Oct 2010, 7:52 am

ok, so i know it is a VERY strange question to ask, so i will provide some context. does anyone else feel like a little pang of adrenalin and/or anger when someone pronounces your name randomly while talking to you?
as in: "you know, "X", i think bla bla bla". totally random. leaving you wondering why they did that, if they're talking down to you , or what. i might be the only one but i'm wondering if someone else feels the same way. I've noticed that now, if i'm angry at someone, i will purposedly pronunce their name in the middle of a sentence, just to make them feel uncomfortable, because there's no reason i have to take it and never reciprocate...do NTs do this to make you feel uncomfortable or do they really think it's an ok and totally not patronising way of talking to an adult?



IdahoRose
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19 Oct 2010, 8:06 am

I feel the same way! Especially if they call me 'Alexandra' instead of 'Alex'. I always kind of wondered if I was the only one who felt that 'pang of adrenaline'. Glad to know I'm not!



b9
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19 Oct 2010, 8:15 am

i do not care if they say my name when they are talking to me as long as their sentence is sensible, and it is drawn to it's conclusion with no excursions into irrelevancies.

if they say my name every few words, then i may advise them that it is not necessary.

example:
person: well mark, it is interesting that arncliffe freezers are not returning my calls.
you know mark, it seems that they are being quite evasive, and i tell you mark....
me: ermm yes i know you are talking to me...thanks
person: i tell you they will not get away with it.



Invader
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19 Oct 2010, 8:15 am

It does feel weird, yes.



ediself
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19 Oct 2010, 8:19 am

HA! i'm not alone!! fantastic :) so do you guys know if it's supposed to be agressive or if they just do it to annoy others?



b9
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19 Oct 2010, 8:36 am

it just is a habit they have i guess.

whatever.



Severus
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19 Oct 2010, 8:49 am

You're not alone, ediself, I am sure that there was another related thread, I think it was called 'Adressing people by name' in which lot of people said that they disliked calling people by name as well as being called by their own names.
Personally, I'd rather like if my name is not used in a conversation. As you described, it gives me an unpleasant startling feeling. Also, I feel indignant. Am I expected to forget my own name, or what?



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19 Oct 2010, 9:04 am

Yes but I think it stims from being phycological abused as a child. Whenever my name was called, it was usualy to insult me or tell me I did something wrong or that I was bad. My parents do not understand but then they were never phycological abused to the extent I was. My mom says that since my family called me by my name, I shouldn't be afraid of it. Wrong! I was in school more often than I was at home and my family wasn't always nice to me. My family was more often very cold to me and I felt like an outsider in my family. I'm changing my name weither they like it or not.


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zeldapsychology
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19 Oct 2010, 9:13 am

While I'm not sure on anger/adrenaline I do hate when people say my name. It's usually something negative Brandy! You didn't clean the house good enough. Or like on Facebook I made a list of 25 things about me (mostly talking about my interest of videogames) My sister was like Ya all you did was talk about video games. (I was like oh) As if me talking about my interest in video games was a bad thing. Some times I do get Thanks Brandy (for cleaning etc.) but mostly it's the former.



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19 Oct 2010, 9:18 am

IdahoRose wrote:
I feel the same way! Especially if they call me 'Alexandra' instead of 'Alex'. I always kind of wondered if I was the only one who felt that 'pang of adrenaline'. Glad to know I'm not!


It drives me crazy when people call me Jess or Jessie instead of Jessica which I hate by itself. Jessie is usualy what I was called in school before being abused. I'm changing my name legaly to Kalahari and people are already calling me Kally. My brother's kids don't even know me as Aunt Jess, but Aunt Kally. Supposedly "Kalahari" is too hard for little kids to pronounce. :roll: My name is Kalahari, not Kal, not Kala, and definatly not Kally.


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ToughDiamond
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19 Oct 2010, 9:21 am

Similar experiences here - when I hear the full form of my forename, especially if there's anything even remotely brusque or peremptory about the tone of voice, it feels like somebody is about to get tough with me, probably because that's exactly what it would have meant when my parents and teachers used it. Even when not used aggressively, I feel that they're somehow dragging me back to a time I'd rather forget - I started using the short, familiar form of my name when I was a young teenager.....I'd never been called that by my parents etc., so it was a strong symbolic way of establishing myself as a person in my own right, and the abbreviated, familiar form felt much more in keeping with my outlook - at the time I felt that all my interactions with people of my choice should be very warm and friendly. But somebody recently used the long form as a joke, and as I knew they'd never have used it "seriously" (the person is too down-to-earth and personable to do that), I enjoyed the joke with them.

People use my shortened name to me a lot but it doesn't usually make me feel anything one way or the other

ediself wrote:
HA! i'm not alone!! fantastic :) so do you guys know if it's supposed to be agressive or if they just do it to annoy others?


It's not necessarily aggressive, often they just use names to show a bit of warmth and to demonstrate that they know who you are and they're not talking to just anybody, it's an indication that you're somehow special to them. According to Dale Carnegie, the sound of a person's own name is the most beautiful sound in the world to them......something in that, though as usual with Carnegie, he overstates his ideas.

I keep hearing people use my name when they say hello or goodbye to me, but I don't usually do it back - there isn't always enough time to bring their name back to mind, and mostly I can't even remember to do it. I find it hard to believe that it makes much difference as long as I have other ways of showing people I like and respect them.



ediself
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19 Oct 2010, 9:21 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
While I'm not sure on anger/adrenaline I do hate when people say my name. It's usually something negative Brandy! You didn't clean the house good enough. Or like on Facebook I made a list of 25 things about me (mostly talking about my interest of videogames) My sister was like Ya all you did was talk about video games. (I was like oh) As if me talking about my interest in video games was a bad thing. Some times I do get Thanks Brandy (for cleaning etc.) but mostly it's the former.


to be honest if i got a "thanks claire", i would still feel offended. as in i would hear: "was about time you did it..."



Polgara
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19 Oct 2010, 9:39 am

I don't mind if someone says "Name" as a way to get my attention. What bugs me is people who use it excessively. I think somewhere there is literature that says people like to hear their name, and I have had people who obviously have read this who will say, "Hello, Name. Now, Name, I need you to do X for me, can we do that, Name? I need this to get from here to there, Name, for this stupid urgent reason, I'm glad you can do it, Name. Thanks a lot, Name." And on and on. It feels kind of like an assault and also very, very stupid.



ediself
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19 Oct 2010, 9:47 am

yes polgara that's what i meant. of course people will call out my name when they want to talk to me and i don't mind that , it's just the need they feel to include my name in the conversation that irritates the cr*p out of me, in the way you described or even just once...assault is the right feeling for it actually. i never knew some people liked t hear their own name tbh, hahaha i might be pleasing the people i try to offend, when i do it on purpose!!shoot....



CockneyRebel
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19 Oct 2010, 9:49 am

I feel very uncomfortable when I hear my own name. It brings back memories of getting into trouble. People call me by my nick name, quite a bit.


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19 Oct 2010, 10:00 am

ediself wrote:
... leaving you wondering why they did that, if they're talking down to you , or what.

When an employer or supervisor has done that, I knew I was being expected to take heed. When my mother or someone else I already trusted has done that, I simply heard it as being very personal and was not offended. With just about anyone else, however, I almost automatically suspect some kind of presumption, condescension or manipulation.


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