Can Asperger Syndrome be mild?

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I think you are describing bullying? Or harrasment at work? In the situation you describe where people turn against you I would become very angry and hate them. I would not be able to look at those people and so would leave the job or create a huge fuss. Whatever I do I will end up losing the job. I am not able to suffer in silence for long.

My one serious relationship only happened because my partner was very into me and had decided he wanted a serious relationship from the start. He told me and I played along taking his lead. It lasted 18months and had some serious problems. It ended when he smashed my head in one day. I don't know why he beat me and he was not able to tell me why. Since then I cannot allow others to manipulate me into a relationship.

So although i have had a relationship it was not really my doing. And it was not a succesful one.

Yeah you sound similar. My GP said for people like us the biggest problem could be mental exhaustion from doing too much acting or pretending. So it seems we are made to work harder because our disability is not considered serious enough and also because it can be hidden. So yeah, I can pretend to be normal but this pretence causes me a lot of stress and I don't like pretending anyway but know I should.

In reaction on the above posts: It was for a good reason that BBC made a comical show called keeping up appearances.
There are many pitfalls on that road, either comical or very unpleasant.

They diagnose you by behavior rather than actual physical evidence, so it's all kind of relative. I am described as having a "light" case, but in my case it means I have almost no physical sympotms but some veyr deep-seated ones.
So I don't think the terming of AS from "light" to "heavy" is terribly accurate or useful.

Yeah you sound similar. My GP said for people like us the biggest problem could be mental exhaustion from doing too much acting or pretending. So it seems we are made to work harder because our disability is not considered serious enough and also because it can be hidden. So yeah, I can pretend to be normal but this pretence causes me a lot of stress and I don't like pretending anyway but know I should.[/quote]

Your GP sounds a lot more clued up than mine. That's a good way of putting it though. Do you find you can only keep it up for a certain length of time? Like I can be pretty convincing for a day/evening but I hate staying over anywhere because I get stressed out over having to go straight into acting mode as soon as I wake up.

I just LOVE that show!! !! "The BOOKAYYY residence, the lady of the HOUSE speaking!" You MADE my day!! !!

I am very sorry he became violent. That is a bad, serious situation which happens to a lot of people, both aspie and nonaspie. Please try not to blame yourself. Some guys just become violent, and presumably lack the middle skills for handling relationship issues. You do not need to be perfect. You can just be your wonderful self--aspie and all! He doesn't need to be perfect either, but he should not become violent.

Now, perhaps in the overall relationship you may have made a mistake similar to what I have made, which was not to really understand that I need a lot of alone time (as well as project time, as well as walk time) and not clearly communicating this to my romantic partner. Well, I can learn, and can try something new the next time. In no way, shape, or form does this justify violence.

The sad truth is, the baseline maybe (?) 1 out of 4 guys are violent in the context of a relationship. It is some statistic pretty close to that. It is a significant percentage. I know my Dad has sometimes been violent toward my mother. I do not want to follow in his example.

I feel that I must admit on the spot that had it depended on me and on me only, I probably wouldn't have gotten any of my degrees, and had it not been for the fact that I work in a family company, I would have been unable to keep a job. As for relationships, I really don't know.
It's only thanks to supportive family members and mentors who knew my strengths that I managed to achieve a relatively high level of functioning. So mine is not actually a mild ASD, it is an ASD whose impact on me was mitigated by a variety of factors and with which I struggle on a daliy basis.

Your GP sounds a lot more clued up than mine. That's a good way of putting it though. Do you find you can only keep it up for a certain length of time? Like I can be pretty convincing for a day/evening but I hate staying over anywhere because I get stressed out over having to go straight into acting mode as soon as I wake up.[/quote]

Yeah. I can act my way through an interview and get the job. But once working I cannot keep up the act and my colleagues realize that I am a bit "tricky". I hate staying over anywhere, even at families homes. My family are used to my moods though.

Same here. If I get an interview I usually can get the job because I know the rules of interviews, so know how to act, what to say, etc to get the job. The problem, is I never really look beyond the interview to how suitable the actual job will be for me; I just focus on doing well in the interview, which has meant that I've ended up in quite a few completely inappropriate jobs and that I guess is why I got fired a lot.

I tend to get really frustrated at myself that I can't keep up the pretence for longer, or that it just doesn't come naturally to me, as if I'm just not trying hard enough (illogical I now).

Hi. Thanks for your comments. All of this happened many years ago so I have gotten over it now. But yeah at the time I couldn't figure out what I had done. Relationships can get very intense I think and that leads to bad behaviours etc.

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad time too, hope you're all ok now.

Yeah. If we got paid for interviews I would be rich. I know exactly what they want to hear in an interview. I kind of feel sorry for the people interviewing me when they look pleased with me. Because I know that if they give me the job they will not be getting what they see. But it works the other way too. Employers dress up their jobs at interviews and make it sound like the best job in the world. So when we get the job its not really as great as its been made out to be.

That's true. There's always the honeymoon period isn't there of a month or two when they still don't really know you, and you don't really know them, so you can get away with passing off as normal. Then you're expected to become really pally with people, when I really just go to work to work, not make friends, and don't really want to know that much about the people I'm working with except for the odd person who I feel I genuinely get along with. That's the main reason that most of my jobs have been working in reception; you're almost always physically separated from the rest of the office so you don't have to take part in office gossip, you're expected to be good at making a superficially good first impression and most of the time you're left to your own devices to work. The big downside is that the work is dull as dishwater and sooner or later you get branded as antisocial because you don't let yourself get dragged into office politics.

For me the mental exhaustion is so bad that I have been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I don't know if it's coincidental or if it is somehow caused by the stress of having AS.

Back when I first graduated from college I looked for professional jobs because I felt I had to, and the stress of going to interviews and pretending I was actually interested in the job instead of dreading the possibility that I would be hired was overwhelming. I even showed up at a job that I was hired for and I was too afraid to go in the door and I just left, but I felt so badly for doing it that I cried for the rest of the day. When they called me to find out what happened I had my then-bf talk to them because I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought then that it was all due to fatigue, but fatigue does not make a person act like that! Now I haven't had a job, not even a menial one, for over 10 years.

I feel like that right now. People assume that I'm lazy. Sometimes I think I am, but I know I'm not because when I'm interested in something I go overboard.