Obsessions that lead to a broken heart

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Yes, but I mean, if hale_bopp is bisexual, the girls that she meets don't have to be. They just have to be lesbians.

I've never had any obsessions that led to a broken heart, when you have low expectations of yourself socially, almost anything comes as a surprise

Bleh, well, to make an item of that would probably have her remembering why she's probably losing all kinds of faith in guys as it is. I think I'd rather not go there just because - its not a big deal.

There have been plenty of times when I've "latched onto" somebody in this fashion, but usually when I get knocked back, or when the bad hormonal influences die, the infatuation goes away almost faster than I can click my fingers.

Usually.

I haven't been truly, horribly, spirit-crushingly broken-hearted until recently, though...

I tend to get too obsessive when I become infatuated with someone. I always end up really sad afterwards.

I have never been accused of stalking anyone. I've had a crush on a boy once when i started seeing them and could only stare at him. This only started happening with boys at 19, with girls it was 15, but you have to stop staring , its rude. I think i can tell the differance with osessions, sometims some blokes seem to have got obsessed with me and the only solution is to tell them to leave me alone or simply not speak to them.I've tried dreaming of fictional characters and have a very good fictional sex-life but it does not help entirely with the real world. Yes, they don't understand bisexuals and Aspies hardly at all. Sometimes it does not even help if they are another Aspie. All I can say is persist and hope, there is supposed to be someone out there for everyone and a shortage of girls(as everyone wants boy babies), maybe sometime you'll find your someone.

Urgh, it's happened again. Again again again!

I've fallen for someone I can't have and damn, it's upsetting me

I'm telling you all - the second you start feeling that kind of thing and know that the person who your interested or who's gotten your interest just by being an attention-fiend or something of the like, kleet into yourselves. I meet a lot of girls all the time that I would have had crushes on in the past and I think the way I've readjusted myself to understanding the relationship world in general I've done all I can to see them just as other people first, take their personality into account much more than their looks, and then talk to them to see if our personalities are clicking. As for long-distance when I'm just attracted to someone who I haven't talked to, lol, I've got that broken in about 10 seconds. It just takes practice.

Hahhaha, newsflash time. There's a girl who just started serving where I work about a week ago, I'd been kinda checking her out but at the same time playing mellow with it. I was talking to her today and just had something flash from her eyes to mine and vice a versa. You know that kind of spart you get with friends you've had for like years and years to where you could totally chill with em, enjoy their company without it even being a challenge or like there's any kind of dissonance or nonverbal static/misunderstanding, like your attitudes are lined up great and the flow's right on point? I think I'm gonna have to get on myself about getting this girl out to eat or one of the periodic lush get-togethers we have at my place. Even if I find out that this girl has a guy or something like that at least I've gotten a huge glimmer of hope on one thing - I definitely can be physically attracted to a girl and find her incredibly cool, I'm glad that point has been reasserted because I was a little nervous for a second there about my own wiring. I love it to death when I meet a girl who has her own perspective, her own views, and is very self-sufficient in terms of defining, understanding, and thinking reality over herself to come to the closest conclusions to bottomline reality as she can get. Its also a beautiful thing I realize when you can meet people and even if they don't have the same music tastes, tastes in TV, might be kinda more on the straight-edge side or maybe not, the whole key is it's like you feel as though no matter what your into or what your philosophies are they'll get it and while they may not have the same reverence you may for it they'll have reverence for your connection to it and when people are like that its very easy to share the same feeling for who they are and the things that they're passionate about. Of course I'm not 100% sure if that's all what I'm seeing but I've really got my fingers crossed and have every plan of chatting her up when I can over the next couple of weeks just to get some pretext, rapport, and possibly if I still have my mind in it do what I was suggesting before.

Keep us posted...

Well, if I do end up taking her out a few times I might. If absolutely nothing comes of it - I'll probably won't need to or care to say anything about it. Until then if I think of her at all I'll try to attatch the same kind of emotion that I would with gal-friends from way back, since that's the dynamic I see working best thats what I'm going with and I think I'll be loving the lack of pressure that goes along with that.

Bleh, just thought I'd ad - I love being drunk, when I'm drunk at a bar and I meet NT's, especially other food industry peeps, its like magic. My biggest challenge is conveying my depth through my mannerisms, through who I really can be when my OCD and intrusive thoughts (ie. thoughts that are less than my ideal of who I should be if I really want to represent myself right) are dormant. I just had a great time out at BW3's with 2 Mexicans, my roommate, and a girl who's dating one of the bartenders when I work. Heck, I think that's my story - ragtime is NT when he's sick I'm much more my real self when I'm drunk. Anyway, if I could show this girl my real self - definitely sold. That's the trouble though, like an NT, I'm under bombardment from social contest and it will be tough but still - if I can show her my better side I'm golden, I know it. (this posted while I'm so lit that I've got enough snow in my vision to be watching a VHF channel ;love you all ).

Hale Bopp is so beautiful its hard to think anyone could break her heart. But guys are stupid.

Its easy. Looks and even personality are things that everyone has their own taste in, guys still care a lot about how much a girl can relate to them, I guarantee she cares about how well the guy in quesion can relate to her, and crushes tend to be built on either face value impressions from which you start building their personality yourself in your own mind or on the other side you may see who they are and really like them but when you talk to them it doesn't mean they'll readily accept your or that you'll mix well. I've had some real attractive girls in the past get crushes on me (its kinda obvious when someone looks over and starts staring with amazement or adoration over seemingly real weird arbitrary things - kinda scary too at least for an aspie guy because you know the second they see the real you or the second you talk to them and the magic aspie unsmoothness sets in there's a good chance they'll turn pretty hostile just out of being salty that they actually were drawn to a guy who isn't either a perfect GQ socially or just flat out not what they fantasized you to be, therefor you tend to blow them off for the soul purpose of not having em blow up in your face). That said it can happen to anyone, usually the people you'd have a crush on you have it for just that very reason, and as much as it can give you something to look foreward to during the day its kind of an unhealthy habit because the second you make someone out to be more than what they are your stuck dealing with the disparity that creates where if you would have approached them cool as a cucumber and not assuming anything who knows, anything could have happened. Not to say that isn't common knowledge or that I don't personality forcast a bit myself (lol, just look a few posts back), just that you can't hinge much on it because people will always surprise you for better or worse.

Oh, and Amy - here's an update. I think its at least semi-mutual, I had a hard time not looking at her from a distance, felt like thats a little creepy when I have a hard time making eye contact and smiling at close-range just because work has my mind under a real heavy load and I have a hard time doing it right in passing. So I'd go through that, then deliberately clap down on myself when I caught myself getting that instant eye-pull, made sure not to look at her even at a distance, then after a while of that I'd talk to her briefly about something or ask her a question (that I can do a lot easier and do it right), found her doing the same thing I was in terms of checking me out from a distance. The thing I hate about that whole dance is even if I am getting signs of mutual interest it makes things tense - ie. she starts getting shy, going into that slightly subordinant role to where if unless I can completely lose that whole dynamic and we went out on a date it would be one of those things where she'd be shy around me, quiet, subordinating her own personality to follow my lead, and what kills me about that from my end is even if I'm attracted to a girl in the first place that whole dynamic kills it for me and the attraction is lost on account of that akwardness. Then the usual bum scenareo is me leaving a girl on a page where she's starting to feel like she's into me but doesn't know, starting to open herself up to where she could really feel attracted to me but really start risking being hurt, and whatever I felt at that point is gone - makes me feel like a bastard but its something I can't even consciously control. Obvious to me right now is that my emotional needs in a relationship are independence from a woman, her showing and stating who she is and being proud of her own self-definition enough to show it, having a lot of good in her and not being afraid to show it, her being perspective and her not being timid of her own perspective. I not only feel really bad for them when they go about it like that but being an introvert and not being able to start the ball rolling easily in conversation it means there's almost nothing I can do to remedy the situation from my end.

When she took the lead and gave me a subtle show of her personality, when she took the lead conversationally on her own power for a second and I saw a personality defined by her rather than her reacting I loved it. I was also pretty impressed at who I saw in that moment. When she's not talking its a hard-read just because she is one of those people where when she is nervous she comes off as real sheer and almost kinda bitchy (so I know I can't read the nonverbals at face value) which makes it much harder for me to sort out what she's really feeling or how to actually get her in a state where I can bring her back to feeling that comfortable to where we can just chat it up like that. I really want to be able to talk to a girl as if we're pals, have a very grounded and down-to-earth relationship where the chemistry is strong on the altruistic side of things, maybe that's way off point from what women really want but to have that friendship element paramount is the only way I could really feel a good deal of attraction no matter what she looks like. It makes me really hate our culture in what it does to women in terms of putting them in a place where they feel they need to get like that just off of past experience and conditioning - also makes me that much more irritated with myself when I do get someones interest and then lose it from that because I feel like I was unfair or like I led them on in the first place.

So at this point I think this is all on the back burner, I'm not gonna get my hopes up, I'll try my best to completely forget it, and hopefully if I can completely lose any idea of being interested in her we can start this from scratch and we might be able to have a conversation. For me of course the trouble is whether a girl has an interest in me or not they tend to stream-line their conversations with me, for some reason I just don't come off as someone they want to gab with unless they've gotten to know me as a friend through a friend - bad combination I guess and that means I might have a real hard time feeling a magnetic draw to much of anyone for a long time to come.

Wow, thanks for the update. I wasn't expecting that. It's funny, the relationship-oriented/matchmaker part of my female wiring hardly ever shows itself, but whenever you mention that you're interested in a certain girl, it's one of the few things that triggers that rare side of me and I get excited like a typical girl.

I can see how the whole dating/relationship side of things must be pretty discouraging. For myself, I rarely initiate conversation with people (and when I do it's usually questions/information, not social chit chat) and my nonverbals tend to tell people "stay away" even though that's NOT my intention, and I know how hard that makes things when it comes to getting to know people as friends... I got lucky when I met John - at the time I was babysitting a very outgoing, NT 9-year-old girl a lot. She knew both of us and knew we were interested in each other, so she played matchmaker and got the ball rolling for us. We didn't ask her to, she just went ahead and did it on her own, lol with all the innocence and enthusiasm of a very social 9-year-old female.

As for what you're looking for in a relationship - grounded, down to earth, friendship-based, where you're both individuals, etc - that's the only kind of relationship I'd ever want. I don't know how many other girls feel the same way though. I think most girls would like the idea of it, it's just a question of whether they're gonna actively seek it. (And for me, my natural immunity to social games, society's expectations, etc probably makes a big difference too.)